I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Saturday, March 14, 2009

SORRY GUYS..I JUST COULDN'T RESIST

30 Harsh Things a Woman Can Say to a Naked Man
I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Why don't we just cuddle?
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Make it dance.
Can I paint a smiley face on it?
Wow, and your feet are so big.
It's OK, we'll work around it.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Oh no... a flash headache
(giggle and point)
Can I be honest with you?
How sweet, you brought incense.
This explains your car.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Why is God punishing me?
At least this won't take long.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
It looks so unused.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Are you cold?
If you get me real drunk first.
Is that an optical illusion?
What is that?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump?
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
I guess this makes me the early bird.

23 comments:

Yankee Girl said...

Love them! But my favorite is it's a good think you have so many other talents!

jan said...

Then there is the famous:

Obnoxious football player in locker room: Do you know what this is?

Woman sports reporter: It looks like a penis, only smaller.

Willym said...

Jan you took that one right out of my mouth.. that doesn't sound right does it?

yellowdog granny said...

i like the point and giggle one..maybe because i actually did that once.
do you think the football player was T.O.? haha

Nit Wit said...

The reply to the women is "Yea well maybe your just too big."

Of course you don't get laid much saying that.

yellowdog granny said...

nitty:cracks me up..remember in the sex and the city tv show and samantha was bitching about her boyfriends small penis..and when confronted he said, well, maybe it's because your pussy's so big..i fell off the couch laughing..

Sling said...

'Who do you expect to please with that little thing?'..She asked.

'ME!"..He replied.

Nan said...

Suddenly I'm feeling the urge for some baby carrots.

rosemary said...

....wait...i need to get my glasses (at my age that is totally appropriate.)

yellowdog granny said...

sling:i should have known you'd be the one to come up with that line..haha
nan:or cocktail weinies..
rosemary:the objects in the mirrow maybe larger than they are..

Pom said...

Love the early bird! Said in the right tone it could sound like a compliment and leave the guy inflated - which would obviously be of benefit! ;o)

Heard a guy say of a woman once that it was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.... I'm sure I hurt something laughing at that one.

Roxrocks said...

Heehee Jackie, you're bad!

kath said...

Hey jac! Glad to hear you finished the book.. :)

I read Bestiary yesterday, and will probably pick up a Dean Koontz today. It was loaned to me and I want to get it back to its home.

It is one of my top reads for this year so far.

You really should have a look at LibraryThing.. you would enjoy some aspects of it .

Funny post btw :)

comments too!

Kulkuri said...

She said, I didn't know you had such a small organ.
He said, I didn't know I would be playing in such a large cathedrel!

yellowdog granny said...

pom:i remember an old joke about sex games where the guy was supposed to toss something size wise into the woman's vagina and she was supposed to toss something size appropiate on his 'weiner'...something about a softball and a life saver candy..
rox:well, I hope the hell so!
kath:i read the koontz book if it's the newest one..and was pretty good.
kulkuri:huh huh.!!!

Ted said...

*gets up, puts his clothes back on, waves to her with left hand while walking out the door, points to left hand.*
You've just been replaced by a better fuck...BYE!!!

Cheesemeister said...

Sadly this totally reminds me of the loser I was with 11 years ago. Probably brands me a loser for having been with him. Although in truth the problem wasn't so much his small dick as the fact that he was a huge dick!

Intense Guy said...

*Laffs*

I like "Are you cold?"

Umm yeah, "shrinkage".

billy pilgrim said...

i'd like one of those joints you smoke.

Heidi said...

Very funny. Love the "Why is God punishing me?" one. LOL

Heidi said...

Oh, my message did go through. I hit publish and got a "conflicting edits" message. Ever seen that message before? How strange.

angel said...

Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

I like Can I be honest with you?

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

This is freakin hilarious yellowdog granny!!!!!!
I'm going to have to remember a couple of these......

Steady On
Reggie Girl