I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Thursday, August 13, 2009

18 RULES FROM HUMAN RESOURCES




Dear Employees: It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner. Number 1 TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.


Number 2 TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.


Number 3 TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?


Number 4 TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible . INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.


Number 5 TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!


Number 6 TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with... INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.


Number 7 TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.


Number 8 TRY SAYING: That's interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the f___?


Number 9 TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented. INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.


Number 10 TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?


Number 11 TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues... INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.


Number 12 TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir? INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13 TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.


Number 14 TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15 TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a___


Number 16 TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.


Number 17 TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?


Number 18 TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck. Thank You, Human Resources

I stole this from Jan.

16 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I'll be SURE to follow these guidelines the next time I have to deal with a "somewhat insensitive" guy! LOL!

Intense Guy said...

I'm going to need a whole lot of training and refresher courses.

It might even get to the electro-shock aversion level.

Anonymous said...

One of the guys here at work gave me a magnet with "THE HOW TO GET-ALONG-AT-WORK-LIST" giving examples of 'what to say' and 'what you mean'. I still just go with saying exactly what I mean. lol That way they don't get confused. ;-)
Bridget

Buzzardbilly said...

Does this mean that when I used to respond to my old boss saying he wanted this or that by saying, "Yeah, and my ass wants kissing too," I was wrong? Can't be true.

BTW, Vick went to Philly which means I didn't get him either.

Bwahahahahahahaha!

So Not Wishy Washy said...

I'm going to have to print those out and put them in my daily planner. When I go back to work next week, I will refer to them faithfully so I can avoid dropping the F-bomb so early in the year.

rosemary said...

I am SO glad some days I am retired.

Lady Grace Dreamweaver said...

This should work perfectly my job at the clinic in substance abuse counseling!

Sling said...

I may have some trouble implementig #'s 6-13..and #'s 14-18..Fuck it,..I'll just totally ignore #'s 1-5.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

why do i get the feeling that this list was made up at each of the jobs i ever had..i worked at family dollar 3 days before i told tom 'fuckyou'...that may have been a record even for me.

tina said...

hahaha oops...i'm guilty of the 'other' side of the rules and my last boss was so cool, we broke those rules together. not sure I can follow these ;)

Josh said...

Lol, these are awesome. I hate all that sugar-coated bullshit--no one in HR or management ever wants to level with you.

Elizabeth said...

Ha! No F---ing way. I mean, I'm not sure I can manage that at this moment.

Ted Amadeus said...

*LMMFAO!*
That's fkn AWESOME...My boss would love it!

themom said...

Kind of takes the fun out of a good conversation, doesn't it???

sageweb said...

I have to say fuck every hour to keep the guys on their toes.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

if i dont say fuck at least once in a paragraph, you guys think there is something wrong with me..