Ok, I'm sure you all have figured out by now that I have a sick and twisted sense of humor. A warped view on things. Well, this post is just going to enforce that sort of thinking.
So, your pondering your demise..sitting around wondering how you might die. At the ripe old age of 92 asleep in your own bed. 76 and having hot body slamming sex on the subway. A heart attack and dead before you hit the floor when you jump up from your chair yelling Bingo. All reasonable requests. I bet not one of you every thought about kicking the bucket from eating tainted celery.
"Oh Sara, I heard your husband Glenn passed away. What happened?"..."Well, it's was the weirdest thing, we were sitting at the dinner table eating chicken salad and he became ill, I rushed him to the hospital, he never regained conscious and died from contaminated celery."
I'm sorry, but when I read that 2 people died from eating celery I thought it was hysterical. I'm sorry to the families of the 2 people but really? Tainted celery...
SMU is going to showcase items that will later go to President Bush's Presidential Center.
Some of the items on display are Saddam Hussein's pistol and the bullhorn used by the President at Ground Zero.
Other items to goong on display are the soiled underwear he had on when they told him the second tower was hit and we were at war, the notes he scribbled while flying around the country when they thought he might be in danger after the towers went down. They were mostly circles within circles within circles and ' I'm fucked' in the center of each circle. There were also notes he made when he flew over New Orleans. These notes were little houses under water and 'your fucked' on top of the roofs.
I understand that President Bush's Library wont' have any books, but will have instructions on how to get to the local Library so you can check out a book about him.
oh this shit just keeps getting better and better.
Republican congressional candidate Stephen Broden stunned his party Thursday, saying he would not rule out violent overthrow of the government if elections did not produce a change in leadership.
In a rambling, exchange during a TV interview, Broden, a South Dallas pastor,(fucking Texans, I swear to Goddess, the stupid just goes on and on.)said a violent uprising "is not the first option," but it is "on the table."..That drew a quick denunciation from the head of the Dallas County GOP, who called the remarks "inappropriate."
.'.well let me tell you something Stephen Broden .............bring it on. I'll spot you your younger age and you can spot me my brain.' You want to pick a fight? Call me..I'll come to your house..meet you in the center of Dallas and I promise you..your going to be one red-faced Republican. Because I will kick the ass attached to your pea brain all over downtown Dallas. I will tap dance on your forehead and cotton eyed Joe on your rib cage. Bring it the fuck on..You dumb fuck. That goes for your mama too.
I like to save the best for last.
Cowboys receive official help on fouls.
I'm sure all of you football fans know the Cowboys have been sucking, biting and blowing from stadium to stadium and the yellow flags have been flying.
The Cowboys lead the NFL in penalty yards per game at 80.0 and rank second in penalties per
game with 9.8. So the Cowboys front office decided to bring in some officials to help them with penalties. They will 'teach them to know what they can or can't do on defense and on offense.'
Excuse the fuck out of me?.....They have to be taught how to play the fucking game? Shouldn't that have learned that shit, say like, back in high school?...
I hear it on good authority that next week they will be bringing in retired players from the 70's Dallas Cowboys to teach them how to pass, block and run.
Even though there is news about Bush, stupid republicans, tainted celery and inept Cowboys...I don't give a shit..cause the Texas Rangers are going to play in the World Series. How sweet it is.