2nd posting..this is to remind me how lucky I am, and how good I actually have it. sorry about the harsh yellow but thats what I used to use. To make it easier for everyone who had to go search and find this..I decided to repost it..Most everyone already has read this, so hope you don't mind a rehashing of it...thanks again for always being there for me...jac
First off, I want to thank all of you for your kind, sweet words of comfort and encouragement...You have no idea how much it means to me.I don't think I ever gave too much thought about what I was going through or what I had been through..I'm like a Niki commercial...I just did it...Don't think I am all that special either..many women have been through worse.(The man who killed my mother got 8 years in prison) But I hate to tell you all,you ain't seen nothing yet.
Jack had many many problems, without going into his home life or events that happened to him before he met me, he was a very troubled man. He needed fixing and I guess that is what drew me to him. He was 6' and weighted about 230 or so...Loved his daughter as much as he knew how..He had many addictions, mainly alcohol but when he couldn't drink he took any and all medications he could..I'm talking hand fulls of black beauties, and an equal amount of tuinals.On that July evening in Farminton, New Mexico he had enough of both to have killed any 2 normal sized men...He was out of control and had been experiencing petite mal seizures.He was for all practical senses..insane..He was going to kill me and my 17 month old daughter and to protect her life and mine, plus my sons, when he attempted to kill us I shot and killed him. I was first charged with murder but eventually after a grand jury it was dropped to voluntary manslaughter.On more than one occasion they were going to drop the charges completely to self defense, but Jack's mother wouldn't let it go and called everyone that held office in the state of New Mexico, so they told my attorney that I would surely be found not guilty but because of my mother-in-law, I would have to stand trial...The DA was furious...said it was a waste of money and time.
In Dec. of 1974 I was found not guilty..During the time from July to Dec. I had met a wonderful man, Chuck D. he has been my lover and always my friend..it's been 33 years and he is still one of my best friends... He lives in Hawaii.and I can tell you he helped me in more ways than I can tell you..I moved to Calif. to be near him and it was the start of the rest of my new life...(the pictures above are the 4 of us taken at my Daddy's about a week or so before the shooting, the other one is me the day before the trial..I know they said I would be found not guilty..but I don't think I really believed them...By the way, it took the jury a little over an hour to come in with the verdict..they said they would have been in earlier but they wanted that last free meal on the state of New Mexico..When one of the jurist told my Daddy that, he said hell, I would have bought you all dinner if I had known.I know that I would never have made it with out my Daddy.I wonder what he would think of my blog and posting about this...oh well...
But I wasn't the only one having a bad year....Richard M. Nixon got fired from being president..so something good did come out of my less than stellar year.
Patty Hearst had a bad year also...she got kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army.I don't remember some of the music from this year...was a little busy...but I sure love the ones I do remember...and think my favorite song of the year was 'Midnight at the Oasis' by Maria Muldaur.But there was 'Counting out Time' by Genesis, 'Summer Breeze'by Isley Brothers, 'Seasons of the Sun'by Terry Jacks,'Bungle in the Jungle' by Jethro Tull,and Elton John had a great year with'Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me, The Bitch is Back, and Benny and the Jets.'A great dance song...'the Bump' by Kenny(didn't they kill him on South Park????)'Jungle Boogie' by Kool and the Gang.'Sweet home Alababma'by Lynyard Skynyrd.'Long Legged Woman Dressed in Black,' by Mungo Jerry.
My oldest son David loved Olivia Newton-John's 'I honestly Love You.' 'Killer Queen'by Queen, 'Money' by Pink Floyd,and a couple of hits by the Stones,'Ain't To Proud to Beg and It's Only Rock and Roll.''Ricky Don't Lose That Number'by Steely Dan, 'Another Saturday Night' by Cat Stevens and a Barry White song that is still one of my favorites'You're the First the Last My Everything.'Plus a song that still makes my ass red...'You're Having My Baby'by Paul Anka.ABBA had a bunch of hits,'Walter Leo, Honey, Honey and Ring Ring.''How Long'by Ace, 'Midnight Rider' by Greg Allman and 'Jesica'by Allman Brothers Band.'James Dean' by the Eagles, 'the Joker'by Steve Miller Band, 'Clap for the Wolfman'by Guess Who and'Tin Man' by America.'Taking Care of Business and You Ain't Seen Nothing yet' by Bachman Turner Overdrive.'Can't Get Enough' by Bad company. David Bowie had a string of hits also, 'Diamond Dogs, Rebel, Rebel, and Rock and Roll Suicide.'
'Ride 'em Cowboy'by Paul Davis.Paul McCartney had hits with'Band on the Run and Get Junior's Farm' 'Smoking in the Boys Room'by Provensville Station, and 'I Shot the Sheriff' by Eric Clapton.'Kung Fu Fighting'by Carl Douglas.'The Loco-motion' by Grand Funk Railroad, 'Roxette' by Dr. Feelgood and 'Kissing in the Back Row of the Movies'by the Drifters. ohhhh, and 'the Piano Man'by Billy Joel.
'Don't Rock the Boat'by the Hues Corporation, 'Ma-ma-ma-Belle'by Electric Light Orchestra,'Cat's in the Cradle' Harry Chapman, 'Best of my Love' by the Eagles,'Billy Don't Be a Hero'by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods.Last but not least a song I have taken to my heart for these past years....'Haven't Got Time for the Pain' by Carly Simon...
Iam not sure how, or sometimes even why.....but I made it through it...all of it...some not spoken..as I don't want to make Jack out to be all bad...he was a sad man, who had many faults but he was a good son, brother and friend. He tried to be as good a father,son,and husband as he could....
I'm not posting any pictures besides the two up top...just kinda want to get this posted and out of me...
52 comments:
Jackiesue, I just wanted to cry reading that post.
I know what it's like not wanting to demonize someone who hurt you. It's hard, sometimes, when you've been so hurt and so traumatized, to see the pain and hurt in the person them as well. It's something I've worked really hard on with my husband. We both grew up in abusive households (although mine doesn't hold a candle to his), and it's hard to come to the point not just of understanding their pain, but forgiving them for passing it on to you.
I know you think you're not special, but you are. You've looked through the pain others have caused you to the pain they were in, and that isn't an easy thing. It takes great wisdom. I hope you take great pride in the woman that you are!
Keeeeeeeeee-Ryst.
That's a mighty brave story. Both defending yourself (and more importantly, the child, which has inspired me to do some pretty courageous things), and telling the world say a lot about your character.
How awful it must have been to live through that part of your life. And how great it must feel to know that you've survived and moved on to a better one. You must be one incredibly strong individual.
what a tremendous story . i'm glad it has a happy ending . only someone strong can survive something like what you went through.
and yes , you are right . you are pretty. i thought i was looking at charlize theron .
bye.
You truly amaze me. I can see why you are a child of the Goddess. You are special, you are loved, and you are most of all admired and loved. I know I have never met you but I am so proud of you. You have pulled yourself up by your boot stings and are stronger for what you have been through. I think you are one hell of a woman!
:~(
You've got more balls than most men I have ever met. We do what we must to survive Jackie Sue... I'm amazed, astounded and applaud you.
However, I do know had that been me in your shoes, protecting my child... I wouldn't have backed down either.
Wow.... I can't even find words. Which is rare.
Oh, and I couldn't miss a chance to crack on the 1970's style clothes.... Can you say curtain? :) I love it... hot mama..
I'll say much more in an email...for now, I hope my earlier comments about admiring you have solidified in your head.
You are a brave, old soul who should always hold her head high. More people should have the strength and committment to life you show.
Much love,
BG
oh jackie sue
I dont know what to say
I am so so so sorry that you (and your children) had to endure all of that
but I am so glad that you survived it
keeping you in my thoughts as Im sure posting all of this is by no means easy
The more I learn about you, the more impressed I am by your strength and your courage. As they say in the military, you've earned your stripes, JS.
I'm kinda proud of you JS, You did what you had to do, some people wouldn't be able to. PS (You were a little hottie in the pic :)
I don't even know what to say.....
I am amazed at the strength and courage that it took you to get through it all.
....and to come out of it...not bitter...still managing to say good things about this man.
I truly admire you.
and regardless of what you say~you are special!
*hugs*
Pissy
I've already said how much I admire you and I second the comments of everyone else. Man, You've walked through fire and came out that much stronger. No wonder you don't take shit from anyone now!! The Goddess couldn't have a better strong right arm than Jackie Sue
PS. If it ever comes to chosing sides, I wanta be on your team 8-}
All the warning signs were there to run like hell. Don't get married again, OK?
Holy chit...It is hard to even imagine. So sorry you had to go through that. You were damn strong for going through that and stronger coming out on the other side...
Writing about it even after so much time has passed can be therapeutic. Thank you for sharing -- I do hope that you have all the great things life has to offer with you now. Brave woman. I'm speechless.
:)
Not much more I can say except ditto....dittto...ditto to what everybody else has said.
Would have taken more guts to get through the aftermath of it all.
The girl next door to me used to adore singing Livvie songs...shame I hated listening to them.
WOW! All I can say is WOW! Girl, How you survived all this is beyond me...but it probably made you a lot better person for going through all this and still going on strong. I just have the total utmost respect for you!
You did what you had to do, plain and simple. But now that you have come over to the Brite Side, everything is just fine.
Now...can we all go visit your friend in Hawaii?
What an incredible story, JS. How did you find the strength to live through it?
:0 Your life is like a lifetime movie!
I cant even remember what I was doing 2 years ago nevermind 20
I'll tell you my story someday. I haven't posted it and probably won't.
We do what we must don't we.
Wow. Talk about mama bear...what a life.
refered 2 u from OL LADY
Thanks 4 the giggles
FatKid
What BrightYellowGun said.
You've nothing to be ashamed of, and the jury should've awarded you punitive damages as well as acquittal.
It was a fucked-up situation you should count yourself awful lucky to have survived...Most people don't.
Zoinks, Scoob! I thought you were just joshing!
Your life should be a movie. Seriously. You are a tough cookie, Jackie. Big love to you!
After reading this - I admire you even more. I would have done the same thing in your place. It's our job to protect our children, and no matter the circumstances: I would do just that. You shouldn't feel any embarrassment or shame, nothing but courage and satisfaction. I am sorry it caused you so much grief though - it's a shame the court systems are so screwed up that they 'protect' the real criminals and 'punish' the good people.
With respect and admiration,
The Newbie,
Bridget :-)
Oh My ...wow I had no idea I have gone through your past post and never read this. That is amazing and you are amazing. I would have done the same thing.
Wow. Glad you and your kids survived.
SEE! I told you were my hero!
Amazing story, amazing lady. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I am so glad I (somehow) found your blog. Your shared experiences make my day.
Also loved hearing all those songs once again in my head.
you can't keep a good viking down.
Ditto what everyone else has said, you're an amazing woman.
there are many more women out there that have done as much and we do what we had to do and continue on doing what we have to..it's calling surviving...and I'm a survivor..
I am just glad that you survived such an awful period of your life. You did what had to be done to save your children and I do not know any mother who wouldn't have been willing to do the same.
{{{{ }}}}
I'm so proud of you!
I hadn't read this before,but it confirms what a stong person you are.
Flashback to one of the hardest posts for you to write.
Keep forgeting to ask Grandaughter's shoe size but I think 7 1/2 is right but if not The Boss wears the same size.
I have been on vacation since Jan 31 and go back Feb. 11.
I've been unplugged and cooling down the last few days. will post soon.
Jackie, you are an amazing woman. Your story sent shivers down my spine. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this; I had no idea. I am so glad everything turned out for you and your children. XOXO
First time reading your post. It always good to put things behind us. If someone messed with my children or grandchildren I would cut out their heart and eat it. I can do that now I'm getting old, but I would have did it when I was young. Hillbilly justice!
What an amazing story and you know what it didnt surprise me in the least. Simply because you show great empathy, are matter of fact and strong. sometimes you only get that way when you have gone through a lot of pain. Your Daddy would be so proud of you and your blog let me tell you. And I understand how you must have felt. Emotional roller coaster. Glad you had Chuck D.
I am sending you an email because I want to tell you something.
And I salute you Jac!!
Your Jack reminds me spit & image of my Bernard, husband of 13 years. He was my 2nd husband - did time in Nevada State prison for bank robbery last I knew (among tons of other stuff previously in NY where he was born and raised by a poor, large but terribly separated Catholic family). He had a heroin problem growing up which resurfaced during our marriage, as well as the worst drinking problem I've ever been witness to - it was all that abuse that killed him, not the law. As the saying goes, yours and my life could have been very similar, only I didn't have to shoot him. His guns were readily available - in fact, what a laugh, he gave me a 357 pistol for my wedding gift. All in all, without the booze, drugs and the alcohol he was a brilliant, intelligent man with a cool NY accent - and filled with love for his estranged daughter from his first marriage, *married twice before I got to him* and gave every ounce of his love to my 3 children - when he was sober. He added color and enriched all of our lives - to this day my eldest daughter Becky travels the 6 hours trip down to his grave in Southern Cal on April 15th (He always did have a tax attitude problem) to visit his grave on the anniversary of his death 5 years ago this April.
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us - pretty much strangers. Thank you from me - I appreciate knowing this harsh bit of reality that has help to shape the amazing person you are today... but then it is very apparent that you have been through places most of us never have to tread. I think you are wonderful, and if I ever get the honor of meeting you face to face, it will be with true Bear hugs.
PS - You absolutely rock with your recall of all of those songs... I was singing most every one of them right along as I read them. Billy Joel was a favorite of mine because Bernard love him. Thanks so much.
The survival gene within one is the most wonderful gift....... you are an inspiration and a truelly strong and beautiful woman.....
x
You have led an interesting life. Hopefully there will be many more days ahead, but not so horrendous.
... what rjjs8878 said, doubled and placed on a warm platter!
*Hugs*
I just now had time to read this through and don't know what to say beyond I knew you were a kindred soul - and a strong one too.
Sad to say, but so many people don't know what strengths they have within themselves - and its only people that have truely "been there, done that" that know you do what you have to when you're backed up against a wall.
I'm glad you made it through the fire -
thanks every one..I aprreicate it..mainly cause it helps other women be able to talk about what happened to them...and brava to tsduff for telling her story...I actually thought it was just an email to me..and proud to see you were brave enough to print it for everyone to see...your a brave girl...bear hugs to ya..
My mother once said to me, referring to mine and friends divorces, sickness, deaths of children, deaths of husbands, "life shouldn't be so hard for you girls". You surely are in that company. Peace.
I'll confess that I read this yesterday and pondered it today. I still don't know what to say but I wanted to at least tell you that while I already knew you were a strong woman and a force to be reckoned with - this confirms that strength 100 times over.
I couldn't not say anything - I apologize that what I could say is so pathetic compared to what you've just shared (or shared again).
You are amazing and I love you!!! One other good thing that happened in 1974...I was born! Woohooo! Okay enough tooting my own horn!
One of the first comments you left on my blog said you'd shot a husband. I didn't know if you were kidding or not - but I replied that if you shot him, he must've needed shooting. He sure did. Lord. You've taken care of plenty of people and lots of business. Now you take care of yourself.
xo
I would like to think that I would have what it takes to do what you did.
I feel saddened that he put you in a position where you had to kill him. It must have been terrible for you.
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