This may be tricky..Annie has decided I spend too much time on this machine and she has taken to sitting right in front of the screen, giving me the death watch look. Which means that I have grown sick and tired of buying canned cat food and having her eat 2 bites and then look at me like I'm trying to poison her..So I am feeding her dry food only...Thus the death watch. Right now she has positioned herself behind the screen and all I can see is the one eye and ear...It's starting to creep me out..Every time I get up she takes this as a sign I'm going to feed her..ha! fat chance.. Every time I go to the bathroom she follows me..sits directly in front of me and gives me the 'look'..Do you know how hard it is to pee while she is giving me the 'look?'...Well, actually not hard at all as every time I cough I pee so usually I have no trouble peeing...but still..A girl's got to have SOME privacy. Yes, I still have my cough..going on 5 months now..Dr. E gave me Allegra, some nose spray and I bought some cough drops and a bottle of Robitussin. Which tastes like shit and fucks with my blood sugar but at least I got more than 2 hours sleep last night. Probably the alcohol..As a alcoholic I'm not supposed to drink anything with alcohol but I'm so far past that I don't even think about it..I'm more apt to get hit by a run away steer than I am drinking again. If I DO think about it..all it takes is one trip to Strickly Country and gaze around the bar at all the old drunks sitting at the same table talking about the same ole bullshit to remind me what I'd have to look forward too...No thanks..I just had a bar of soap. My friend David O's plant got shut down so he is out of work..He had enough money in his 401K to pay off his car and all his bills and now can sit on his ass and draw his employment check...I have a feeling he's going to be spending a lot of time on the golf course, his true passion. But that's fixing to change too....His oldest daughter is going to have a baby and my old buddy is going to be a grandpa...I laughed so hard I peed myself...(which I do regularly anyhow)..I haven't talked to him yet but I can't wait to welcome him to the club.(oh fuck..here comes Annie.)She's giving me the 'look' again. o0(those were Annie's little paw tricks)Babs and I are trying to figure out what is triggering my cough..Every time I sit down at the computer I have a coughing fit. So I took out the rug, moved my plants outside, threw away all the funky smelling candles, incense and I moved the microwave. It's officially in the kitchen but the back of it juts out into the area right by the computer, so I figured what the hell I'll move it too. I'm also taking a look at the two headed rag doll..It's old and Goddess knows where it came from...I'm afraid to wash it for fear it'll fall apart. I had a old African type basket that was full of dry moss and sachet bags ...I emptied it and when Babs mentioned that she liked it I gave it to her..Let it make her cough..ha I think it may have worked as I'm not coughing and that's a first..Don't know which one it was, might be a combination of all of them for all I know..Just seems weird that my entire life I have never been allergic to anything, except for pain pills. Well, I lied..I'm allergic to cedar and rag weed..Every time a cedar tree fucks I sneeze and my nose runs..But nothing ever made me cough..at least not for 5 fucking months..sigh*I go back to the feetsie Dr. the 24th...whoopty fuck!Oh, I almost forgot...2 not local guys broke into the Old Corner Drug store and made off with about $3,000 worth of drugs. I'm assuming they weren't vitamins. The same two had stolen a check from some business on I-35 and took it to the State National Bank here in West and cashed it...So I guess that would be considered a crime spree. You all should be in town this weekend, the West CDA are making buchtas...which are so good. I like the ones with nuts and honey. But can't eat them so all I can do is drive by where they are baking them and smell them baking. I really enjoyed working at the library last Wed. It was a little slow so I read Carrie Fishers last book (I worked 5 hours so you can see how small the book is) it was hysterical..She is just the smartest funniest woman around. I also had enough time to take a book cart full of donated books and look them up on the catalog and separate the new/we don't have on shelf books from the old we already have 3 copies of that book, for the book sale. Nancy went to a workshop and was bitching in e-mails the next day because she got sucked into making 40 dozen cupcakes for the Mardi Gras celebration at the library for the kids...The Tale Tellers will be presenting the Greentail Mouse and help the kids decorate their own masks for the parade they will have...Three or four organizations are having chili and stew suppers to raise money. Raising it for the Machac boy who has cancer. One of the oldest business's in West is closing down. Freaked me out. It's Joanna's Bridal Dresses. She's been here for EVER and every girl and boy who has graduated or gotten married got their dress and tux there. She had bridal gowns, prom dresses, maid of honor, mother of the bride, flower girl, ring bearer, etc.. She carried all the paraphernalia for weddings, anniversary's and graduations. Really sad..Now everyone will have to go to 'town' Fritz and Dina Nemecek are celebrating their 70th anniversary. Holy shit! Noticed in the paper today that my old boyfriend Roger S. (the one that made me give up sex)son was awarded a full 4-year ROTC scholarship to Tarleton State University at Stephenville. He's a cute kid and a sweety and thankfully, nothing like his father. My loan manager's little grandson Coy had his 2nd birthday with a winter wonderland birthday party. He is soo cute.
Oh the big news..we became internationally know this past week. That meteorite that entered the atmosphere and burnt out threw little pieces of itself all over West. Well not all over, they only found 2 small pieces so far, but now every yahoo who ever got a B in science class is wandering around West looking for pieces of the meteor. Babs and I thought about it..but we decided to wait till they found something then lure them into the bushes with offers of sex and kolaches and hijack their find. We haven't really thought this out very much or we wouldn't even worry about the kolaches. Those science nerds probably have never been laid..But then I haven't had sex in almost 24 years so we might have to have a lab class first.We have had some more of our famous 'what the fuck' weather..One day it was 80 fucking degrees out and that night it was 28. Next day 60..low of 55...Next day 77 low of 35...I'm telling you.you don't know how to dress because the weather changes in hours, and everyone I know is suffering with either colds, the flu or allergies..Central Texas where germs go to breed. sigh*...Well, have to go...my favorite cooking show is on..The barefoot contessa. I'm such a schmuck...I had watched her shows for years but never paid any attention to what her name was..then one day I see this ad for her show ..it says 'The Barefoot Contessa'...and at the bottom it says Ina Garten. So I think oh, look it's a play on the old Iron Butterfly song "Innagardenaden baby'...(in the garden of Eden for you that don't know the song) and then after a few weeks I realized it had nothing to do with Iron Butterfly ..it's her fucking name. I need to get out more. fuckme I'll never take acid again.
25 comments:
Meteorite? I heard it was aliens. You know they have sex with their hands. So if your gonna shake hands wear gloves. A five peckered rubber and they come in colors.
Annie's death looks sound so cute. Scruffy only takes a couple of bites of soft food, too, and then leaves the rest. Fortunately, we have two other little kitties who are always more than willing to "clean up" the leftovers. :)
You and Babs definitely should go look for pieces of the meteor. You might get to be on TV or in Wikipedia! LOL
The aliens are in Stephenville (we've had several UFO sightings since last January). Make sure your old boyfriend's boy watches out...he just might get abducted up here!
I think Annie and Taki must be in communication. I will occasionally buy one of those little gourmet cans of cat food which she inhales and meows mournfully for more. Then i fill her dish with the dry stuff and she gets totally butt hurt. Whatever humans try to feed you, hold out for something else.
One of my cats will not let me go to the bathroom in peace either. Except she follows and cries until I turn on the faucet (just the right amount mind you) so she can have a drink.
Both my cats are chow hounds. One has a penchant for the running water which my son solved by setting up a hamster bottle for her to drink out of. Reading your piece today reminds me of the Lake Wobegon news on Prairie Home Companion (with a little extra spice that Norwegian bachelor farmers wouldn't actually write down). BTW, I'm a quilter, big things for beds and small things for walls. I hang out with some artists, so I use the phrase "fiber art" to fit in better.
We own our dogs. Our cats own us. That's all there is to it.
Meteorites? Aliens? Crime spree? Life in West is way more exciting than winter in Pittsburgh!
By the great goddess I love your updates - where the hell else am I going to get Meteorites, Crimes sprees and a witty wise woman?
Annie has your number lady! My oldest dog Bundnie didn't like it when I closed the door of the bathroom. There I would be sitting minding my own business, as it were, and there would be a thumping at the door - the sort of sound my mother made when when I was 14 and reading Fanny Hill in the bathroom. Then the door would creak, a small head would appear at the 1 foot level (what do you expect, she was a daschund) and she would wander in just having a look around and request a head rub. She would be followed by the other one, Reese another daschie, who was more interested in being picked up - he was a lap dog in every sense of the word. It is very hard to do any series bathroom business with a long haired daschie on your lap and another one whinning for a read scratch at your feet. Now that they're both gone I have my privacy but .....
Annie's gonna slay you during a coughing spell. Mark my words. She's a demon!
Ranger loved his bath and whatever else he had done while at the groomers yesterday. What a shiny coat he has when he hasn't been rolling in the damn dirt and cavorting with dogs who enter my yard when I'm not home. It's like he's the neighborhood pimp or something.
They can give you meds that will tackle allergies to cats, but to my knowledge they are only marginally effective.
I'm following your lead out of the alcoholic fog, though.
Is "Barefoot Contessa" on any of those PBS sub-channels (Create, Annenberg &c)?
are people blaming the meteorite on george bush?
no, short memories eh!
Isn't the Iron Butterfly song "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"?
That cough of yours is really worrying me. Have they checked you for the consumption? I bet it is allergies...and probably any combination of those things could do it. It's not the Tabu is it?!
Even when you're sick you can still make me laugh. Awesome.
I heard about that meteorite over Texas,and thought to myself 'I bet my old friend Yellerdawg is whippin' up some kolaches even now!'..
Black cat just naturally assumes that I should be able to type,scratch behind his ears,and rub his fat belly all at the same time.
Remember War of the Worlds?
It starts out with people finding meteorites, be careful!
rainy:I'll be on the look out with guys with hand hardons.
rudegirl:knowing me and babs, we'r more likely to end up in jail.
peeJay:oh that's right ...I keep forgetting about the space ships sighted there..hmm, think there is a connection?
Jan:I buy different types flavors etc..one time she will eat one type and love it..the next time i give it to her..I get the 'look'...little bitch..see where it got her..no canned food for almost a week and she's about to drive me nuts.
but im staying strong.
mamaK:babs cat Tina T. likes to drink from the tap..Annie drinks out of a crystal glass bowl and it has to be changed 3 times a day.
bitch.
jaAnB:thanks for stopping by..yeah, cats rule our lives. i could be resting on some sunny beach in costa rica having drinks served to me by a young tan boy named Jesus for all the money I have spent on my pets.
willym:i love the mental picture I hav of you now sitting on the pot with a dog in your lap and one at your feet..hahaha
Buddha:she's evil, i swear..and she rolls in the dirt out in the parking lot just like a dog..need to bathe her but I like my fingers.
ted:nope..she only is on the food network..12:30 central time on saturday and during the week..she makes good stuff and she has the best looking guy friend that stops by and she cooks for..like to have HIS address.
billy:are you kidding? it's texas..they are talking about making him a saint..he's moved to dallas now and they are welcoming him like the fucking second coming..makes me sick.
rox:hey i'll remember the songs the way my old acid riddled brain will remember..ha...
i think the cough may be on the way out..not sure what is working but it's not as often, not as long and not as hard ..but my throat is raw and my ribs are killing me.
yankeegirl:why thank you...im always funnier the closer i get to death.
sling:im trying to figure out some way to'fakeup' some little rocks and mess with the nerdy guys.
tex:oh shit!..that's right...if i start posting about how much i love george bush you'll know im a pod person.
Annie looks kinda scary.
It's looks like that from cats that makes me love my dogs to much. ;-)
I don't own a cat but the neighbors cat comes in everynight and sleeps with Homer and me. Cats are so funny that way.
Wow west texas is rockin!
Hope your cough goes away and your foot gets better.
Love your writing! I get looks like that but not from the cat or dog...
He he a five peckered rubber!! All tha talk of peeing made me have to go myself.
Glad the coughing has stopped because if it hadnt I was going t break your heart and mention that I am allergic to cats.....just thought..given he follows you everywhere.
Gosh you have heaps going on in your life. Things fallig out of the sky and all. Shame they didn thet someone that deserved it.
By the way thanks for telling me that 'barbie doesn't have a clitoris'...
I mean if you hadn't I bet no-one else would have, lol!! you are a wonderful woman, have I told you that lately and no I don't want the cat....he would never get fed.
I love kolaches.
Annie is beautiful, but maybe just a tad bit spoiled: all of my animals are as well. :-) I'm glad to hear you are going back to the foot doc. You need to get all of it taken care of. And hopefully your cough is leaving - though the dreams were pretty wild and entertaining with the cough medicine.
Best wishes,
Bridget
Jackie Sue, This is not for your comment section. Just wanted to ask you odd question about your cough. Did you start or change blood pressure medicine about 5 months ago. Sometimes ACE inhibitors (like lisinapril) can cause a cough that nothing helps. If you are on BP meds ask you Doc if any are ACE inhibitors. Grasshopper
What kind of cough is it: Wet-rattle-in-chest, dry-tickle-at-throat-back??
Only reason I ask is that'll determine what has to happen to end it.
Used to get allergy/sneeze/cough attacks and fits when I moved into this place. Meds and stuff only worked for awhile. Had the joint fumigated and always keep it disinfected now, and the shit went away.
Hope this helps!
Love ur site! Absolutely hilarious..hope you are feeling better! And FUCK the meteorites..and the tresspassing theiving bounty hunters wanna be scientists that we have to run off EVERY DAY..the good side is today we're doing a family walk on our property so all the kids and grandkids can have a piece too..not telling where we are..lol
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