I'm a liberal pagan living in West, Texas. Yes. That West, Texas.

Monday, April 23, 2007

GEORGE W. BUSH'S RESUME'


















































George W. Bush's Resume




Ran for congress and lost.

Produced a slasher B movie.

Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after he sold all his stock.

Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox. (he's baaaaack)

With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.


As Governor of Texas


Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

Set record for most executions by any governor in American history.

Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.








As President

*Attacked and took over two countries.
*Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
*Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
*Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
*Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
*First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
*First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
*First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history.
*After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
*Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history.
*In first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
*Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history.
*Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
*Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history.
*Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
*Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.
*Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
*Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
*Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
*Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
*Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.
*His presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history.
*Members of his cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).
*First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
*Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
*First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
*Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
*Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.
*First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission.
*First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the elections monitoring board.
*Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.
*Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
*Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
*Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
*First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).
*All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
*His biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
*Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.
*First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the *United Nations and the world community.
*First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
*First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government.
*Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history).
*With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
*First U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
*First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
*Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
*Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
*Failed to fulfill his pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.'
*Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. Has no leads and zero suspects.
*In the months following the 9/11 attacks he has successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
*Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history.
*In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War.
*Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.


Records and References

*At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available)
*AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
*Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
*All records of his tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to his father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*All records of any SEC investigations into his insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*All minutes of meetings for any public corporation he served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*Any records or minutes from meetings he(or his VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.








Source: Kelley Kramer

15 comments:

Big Pissy said...

Damn it!

I wish I hadn't read this right before bed! :(

Cyberoutlaw said...

Don't tell me? Halliburton's HR department is reviewing this resume in consideration for the CEO slot at the end of next year?

Heidi said...

What a great resume. His stellar credentials should help him get a good job after he's finished running the country into the ground.

Anonymous said...

Very complete. You could open an anti-Bush library in Texas. Oh, and they're coming to take you away.

Anonymous said...

Very complete. You could open an anti-Bush library in Texas. Oh, and they're coming to take you away.

Allan said...

Nice.

And, as the late and sorely missed Molly Ivins pointed out- it's not a conspiracy. Most of this is done in broad daylight- even the secrecy is well-known, even if the secrets themselves are not.

Pixie said...

Amen

the rube said...

he also single handedly put the ratings for the daily show through the roof.

is there nothing the decider can't do?

yellowdoggranny said...

big pissy: sad isn't it..?
sooner: thanks so much for helping me with this post..couldn't have done it without you...and yes, he is a fucktard..
cyberoutlaw: our luck..he'll be out as the president and then take over the 'war czar.'...
HMHH:it just stuns me that we have allowed him to do this to us and people still support him..judas priest..
jan: you know thanks to me..we do have a large collection of Bush Bashing books in our library..I would say we have about 20-25 different books that are anti-bush..thank the Goddess Henrietta gets them for me when I ask for them..I have that kind of pull as I check out more books in a month than most of the people check out in a year...
allan: isn't that the truth..I miss her and Ann Richards more and more..
Pixie: yupper...
the Rube: yeah, careers have been made in tv over making jokes about him..

Nit Wit said...

I can't believe I read this post and the other one yesterday and didn't comment on them.
The Gump is so bad you have to have a pre rant rant.

Nit Wit said...

I'm starting to develop a phobia when it comes to checking the mail.

yellowdoggranny said...

tex: still 22%? I would have thought it would be lower..hard to believe there are still that many stupid people left in this country..'
nitwit...yup a prepre rant...ha..you should get you package today or tomorrow..it's a good thing.like i said ..if it doesnt work you can rub it on the wife's titties..

Susan Demeter said...

Outstanding rant!!!! You promised, and you delivered!!! YDG RAWKS!!!

Josh said...

Don't know if you've seen this before, but if not, you're in for a treat:

The Wizard of Oil

Cie Cheesemeister said...

I think we'd be better off with Ozzy in office.