I'm a liberal pagan living in West, Texas. Yes. That West, Texas.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


April 28, 2010
Goldman to Employ So-called ‘Douchebag Defense’
Fabrice Tourre to be Exhibit A

The Borowitz Report) – In the event of a criminal case against the banking giant, Goldman Sachs is planning to employ a rarely-used legal strategy known as the “douchebag defense,” sources confirmed today.Davis Logsdon, Dean of the University of Minnesota School of Law, summarized the unorthodox strategy: “Basically, they will be arguing that the Goldman executives had no control over their actions because they are ginormous dicks.”“Exhibit A” if the bank decides to go forward with the douchebag defense will be Goldman banker Fabrice “Fabulous Fab” Tourre.“I think the government would have a hard time arguing that he was not an egregious douche,” Logsdon said.In order to establish Tourre’s douchebag bona fides, Goldman’s lawyers would most likely offer up his emails, his Facebook profile, and several of his ex-girlfriends.Jury selection could also be key to the success of Goldman’s douchebag defense strategy, Logsdon said.“Goldman’s dream jury would be made up of twelve angry dickwads,” Logsdon said. “In New York, that shouldn’t be hard to find.”


Jan said...

Based on only two stays in New York, I agree finding non angry dickwads would be quite a feat.

Intense Guy said...

Amen, Jan.

So... any bets on whether or not they get off?

Kulkuri said...

Douchebag is a term of endearment in New York!!

I spent several years in New York one summer.

yellowdoggranny said...

the first time i heard the term douchebag was from my yankee girlfriend shady lane..and i thought :"oh wow...what a great word."

rosemary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rosemary said...

I deleted the comment...I screwed it up......What I meant to say was....being a dickwad/douchebag is a pre-requisite for working on Wall street I would think these days....don't you wanna just smack the shit out of the TV when they are answering questions?

yellowdoggranny said...

i love this guy...and i'd like 15 minutes alone with those wall street guys ..