It's only 10:27am and the day is already off to a wobbly start..First of all last night the minute the Mav's game was over, I thought to myself, "self, your not going to get your paper in the morning."..as the DAM NEWS has a later delivery now so they can get the sport scores in for the morning paper..which is a cool deal, and I am most happy with that arrangement..but for some reason it causes a FUBAR...which is fucked up beyong all repair...the Waco paper and the Dallas paper come in on same truck and Waco doesn't want to wait for the Dallas paper so they leave without it..so ..this started off a chain reaction of alot of 'fucks, fuck this, fuck this shit, fuckity fuck fuck fuck'...and then the phone calls..I finally ended up talking to the vice president of something or another..Bill M...who now thinks he is on line with some demented newspaper groupie..but we bonded...he was just happy to hear I was pissed because I didn't get the paper and not what was in the paper, or the condidition of the paper...we bullshitted for awhile and he said he would find out something and call me back....yeah, right..so I said fuckit(again) and went to the little Tiger Stop gas station and bought a paper...and in doing so thought I would do a little Columboing...asked the lady if Gus K. brought their papers, and she said no, there was a truck for the home deliveries and a truck for the retail stores....huh? what the fuck?..two trucks ..one from Austin and one from Dallas to bring papers to a town of 1,900...so when Bill called back, and he did call back, the little sweety..I asked him what the deal was...why, when gas is sooooooo high are they sending two different trucks from two different cities to lil ole West to deliver papers???? Bill didn't know..But Bill is going to find out..cause he didnt know there were two trucks coming here either...Bill did think that by now Gus should figure out that if nothing else he should go buy a Dallas Paper and deliver it to me just to shut me the fuck up..hahahh...Bill is smart...
All of this to caused me to fail in my attempt to break my record of screaming fuckyou you ignorant asshole to Forest Gump on my tv set.I won't even go there...'fraid I will start a process that will end up with me laying on the floor and pulling my hair out..Give me fucking strength....
But there is a light at the end of this ugly dark tunnel...my third phone call is from Sooner who is coming down from Belton with assorted family members who will be going to Hillsboro to the outlet mall. They will drop Sooner off(shove him out the car door probably) and the hi-jinx will commence...He said, I will be intirely at your mercy....which was followed by a long low evil laugh...said good, cause I was looking for David's (best friend David) fuck mate to whip her ass, and I needed a witness...and our boy Sooner ..is game....So I am going to leave ya'll waiting for the next installment of the MANY ADVENTURES OF JACKIESUE AND SOONER..(I see a movie with Keifer Sutherland playing Sooner and Kathy Bates playing me...)names will be changed to protect the guilty and the newly departed.....
Going to call Patsy at Community Grocery to put some Dublin Dr.Peper on ice for us.....
coming soon at a theater near you.....
17 comments:
Why didn't he pick up Bab's on the way??? You could have saved her from doing laundry.
BTW, your comment had me rolling on the floor! I'd be honored to share a steak with you!
If you and Sooner wind up in the pokey, call and I'll post bail!
Iwonder if the combination of Sooner and Jackiesue will cause the West News to stop the presses and redo the front page. Maybe they will put out a special edition. I wish Google Earth was a live feed so I could look down and watch the fun. :)
OH SHIT!!! You and SoonerBoy in the same square mile??? There's a cosmic BIP coming of EPIC proportions!!!
RESIDENTS OF WEST. . . . RUN. . . DO NOT WALK, TO THE NEAREST BIP SHELTER!!!!! It's your only hope!!!!
May the GODDESS be merciful!!!!
I can hardly wait for the stories from this one. . . . LOL!!!
*laughs uproarously* I've just discovered your blog, and I started reading with trepidation based on your profile description. I ended up laughing so hard my boss came out to see what I was laughing at!
I think you are going to be added to my daily clicks. You almost make me miss Texas! The Gods know I definitely miss the Kolaches. Doesn't a soul up here in Washington even knows what a kolache is!
*starts collecting bail money*
Makes me almost glad I live in IL. I hope you two have a great time. Take pics and post please.
well, y'all sound like you're going to have fun...
You mentioned Kathy Bates who is in my books one of the very best actresses anywhere. I wonder if you can recall the name of a movie in which she played a psycho bitch in a remote mountain region "taking care" of a car grash victim? I don't remember who was the male lead because Kathy stole the whole damn film.
Thanks for visiting ma blog. I don't know who all the players are on yours yet, but it sure looks like fun!
Eurotrash: it was "Misery," written by Stephen King.
Where I live is damned small you don't even have an option for a news paper. But if you go to the public library the entertainment is hanging on the wall...pictures and addresses of the third degree sex offenders and by the looks of it, all of them in the state of MA live in this small town.
eurotrash , that was Misery with James Caan ... brilliant film !
JS no doubt Bill M will send a fleet of trucks full of newspapers reporting your's and sonners exploits ... send me a copy when you're bailed :)
I don't know any of the popular games or have an iPod or any of that crap.
Happy OTT!!!
Oh I can't wait to see the pictures from this one! Drink me a Dublin Dr Pepper too please.
Gee, more than 24 hours and no word on the survival of West.
Hehehehe I think while Sooner is in West you guys need to go to DC and deal with Capitol Hill and Dubya, hey might even see you guys on CNN..:)
I see the Gump hates blind people. Happy OTT!
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