Since I have found out that I am a diabetic, my eating habits have changed. Before I would have some rice with my winter soups or some noodles, or some bread. ..Now I have replaced it with beans..which means I put white beans, black beans, red beans, brown beans or split peas in my soups and stews...split peas aren't a bean but they make me fart too..This amount of beans added to my diet has given me the worse case of gas I have ever had in my entire life..I am a rolling, sitting, walking, sleeping fart machine..If Annie wasn't so high on catnip she would have abandoned the apartment by now..I have incense burning, candles in every room and I get up and spray the apartment down with Fabreeze every thirty minutes or so...just
for me..Annie just sniffs more catnip...It has gotten so bad, I have put a small pillow under one cheek of my ass, so I don't have to lean and cock to fart now..20 years from now you will be able to dust the farts out of that chair and drop people to their knees...I 
don't know why I am telling you all this...just wanted to share..Ol Lady sent me a new hard drive...Won't go into details in how she acquired this hard drive, as I don't want the Canadian Mounties to come kick my door in..But for some reason it isn't working and I am sure it is all my fault..I never listen to instructions and she told me to not put the disc in to save it if I needed it..so first thing I did was try to run the disc(windows 2000xp-pro)so now when I try to start computer it says I am missing something and to reboot and press any key to continue..nothing happens.. I have Ol Lady on the phone on line with her friend and she keeps telling me,"don't touch anything..don't touch anything"..I can't help myse
lf, you tell me not to do something....I'm going to do it..so I was silently going touch touch touch and touching the screen..I'm such a 4 year old...I have taken all of the towers apart and switched hard drives, twenty eleven times..I can do this shit in my sleep now...and for your information Sooner, you don't go in from the back...you go in from the side...and I took the points and look how well that worked for me...but I can play chopsticks on the piano
now..(inside joke)...If that isn't bad enough...my Mazda is making weird noises..Had to get up at 5:22 am to take David O's daughter Sara to the school as she has to run for track...and the truck was making strange noises, jerking and stalling..freaked me out..not a lot of people out and about at 6am in West..made it back ok, and then today I went to the library and it was doing it again..I had checked the oil/water..all ok..so left the engine running,opened the hood and smelled..I can smell an auto and pretty much figure out what is wrong...(ask Mojo she will tell you this is true)..It didn't smell like an electrical probl
em, or a burning problem, or oil, or fuel, and there wasn't a heat smell... I noticed it was worse when I was running the heater..so I looked and smelled...and ..it's the belt..so will call and see what a belt costs and see if I can't get Mary Ruth's son Vincent to fix it at his house..He is a pretty fair mechanic..I would do it, but think my crawling under trucks and cars fixing things is pretty much over...besides my tits won't fit under the truck..fuckme till my belt slips...
13 comments:
i read that farting can be cured with a $5000.00 body de-tox treatment.
the bad news is they stick a hose up your ass and turn it on full blast.
maybe sooner would do it for free.
I think ruby rocks idea might just work and to get sooner to do it for free is even better...let me know how you make out :)
Just to let you know since the last time we talked and tried to get you to STOP TOUCHING I have been living in a hell!!! And yesterday was Fat Kids birthday, my hell has been so tiring I never even spoke to him on his birthday! Yikes! I guess I will do alot of baking and take to him...food always works for me with him.
I haven't talked to him today yet so maybe later we will call and try again...is there any one else you could get to come over and do what they are being told to do? or do we just have you...sorry for taking so long...talk to ya soon :)
Damn! woman.... Are you sure that you are not hooch in disguise? I have a friend who feels it is her duty to dismantle and undo her computers.. even new ones.. and change settings and piss around with them until they are just a pile of electronic rubble..
No listen to your friends and don't touch dammit!
What would we do if you went offline again?
Do you remember how no fun it was last time you were comuterless?
Now get someone to hep you and DO NOT TOUCH
AS for the truck... never fix for your self what you can others to fix for you
that goes for computers too
anyway..
hope all is srted soon
ruby: sooner would do it for free if i did it at half time during the next cowboys game and furnished all the beer...
ol lady: nope..just me..not one of my friends knows jackshit about computers...hell, even sooner thought i had to go in the back..ha
my computer is working fine so there is no rush...life doesn't suck..and i promise not to touch anything..promise..
Kath: i am a slow 4 year old when it comes to people telling me NOT to do something..it's a compulsion ...like add or something...tell me not to do something and i will do it...it's just automatic..like breathing...sigh*
Get thee some Beano my friend. . . It works!!
I'm not sure what I consumed in the last two days, but I've been a Methane machine too. . . I'm talking "clear the room" bombs. . . It's a good thing my desk at work is only 10 ft from the door. . .
HUGGSS!!
Plain ole matches, not a lighter....light a match each time you fart and it sucks up some of the smell. Trust me it works, I was married to a champion farter hahahahaha.
Or, take probiotics or eat lotsa yoghurt. Or, whatthehell, it's just you and Annie and I never think my farts smell anywhere near as bad as other peoples'. Why is that?
Enough about flatulence, it's always good to have other people in your life that can fix cars and computers. I used to do all my own car repairs, or most of them anyways...but there's many people on this earth much better than me at it, I get too mad when I can't figure something out....hope it's all nothin serious and remember
"beans beans the magical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot."
Plus all that fiber is good for your heart. :)
LOL You crack my chit up hehehe
Jus stoppin in to say hello! :)
heh you'll become known as "that one who continually farts" amongst the other dwellers in the complex.
Don't you dare keep your hands to yourself! You have to touch everything and if it shocks you don't touch it again.
I would be careful lighting those matches if it is as bad as you say. You might just light one and have a flash fire and burn up Annies stash.
I bet she would be fun to be around going through withdrawl.
Carina is right... a match will cover anything up. My guy is a champion farter as well.
Your belt shouldn't cost a whole lot, it's probably the same as one on a Ford Ranger.
Good luck with the computer... can't help ya there... LOL.
If only you could harness the power of all that gas for the greater good of humanity. It might be a possible source of power, or at least a potential weapon for the military.
My all-veggies-except-on-weekends diet has made things interesting for me, so I know where you're coming from.
If you cook your own beans, add a chopped-up tater when ya boil them. The potato has the same enzyme as in that Bean-O anti-fart stuff... it can help.
Maybe you could convert the truck to run on methane.
Farting dinosaurs caused the last wave of global warming--according to Rep.RoarBacker. You have been warned. Al Gore will be notified.
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