I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Friday, August 17, 2007

.......AHHHH, LIFE IS GOOD.......

The Goddess must have known I have been a good little Yellowdog and was in need of some good ole harmless FUN. Because this evening right as I was sitting down to eat my sliver of fish, wisp of corn,wafer of tomato and chunk of cucumber....the phone rings...I am thinking to myself..'oh please...let it be some survey...I haven't told anyone to fuck off in days...'...and bless my little chubby ass...it was...but wait...it's a.......political survey..
oh, be still my beating heart...someone wants to ask me political questions.I squeal with delight...'oh please..please please please..ask me what I think of George Bush..go ahead...ask me...I think he's a asshole..'The guy assures me he will get to that question but there are other questions I have to answer before we get to that one...'Do you have a box next to his name that you can check that says asshole?'...'No', he says..'but there is one where the answer is strong disagrees with the way he is handling things....'"Yeah, put me down for that..and then write next to it..she thinks he's a asshole.'...
I don't hear him laughing ...but I can feel it..
I tell him after about 5 minutes of answering questions...(where I said the democrats had no balls, it was no one's fucking business what people did with their body's..and I wish people would worry more about people having no insurance then they did about what people did in their bedroom.....)...are you having fun yet?...I'm having so much fun...this is making my fucking day...'sigh...then after a few more random questions I realized that they were using all the general political questions to get to the heart of the phone call..who was I going to vote for in the Texas Senate race against John Cornyn..and I'm embarrassed to say..the only one of the three I really could place in the political arena was Noriega..and only because of his last name..But I was thinking of the other Noriega..the one sitting in the federal pen..But he read me some information about each one and I said which one I would vote for based on that information..then I found out 2 of them were lawyers...told him I hated lawyers..they rated right below Republicans and thought they were assholes too...oh by the way...did I tell you I thought George Bush was a asshole?....Then when I thought maybe one of them might get my vote..find out he used to be a lobbyist..I hate lobbyist more then I hate lawyers, but not as much as Republicans...and if you want to be on the top of my shit list..be a Republican lobbyist.lobbying for oil, or pharmaceutical companies...and he was for a utility company which was probably Texas Utilities..and them's assholes too...I got to tell him I was a pagan, that I believed in a Goddess, that I had yet to find a man that held my best interest at heart, so why believe in a male God..He asked me if I would blog about or talk about on a website about who to vote for or what ever..said oh, yeah, I had a blog and would post about our little survey...asked him if he wanted the address and he said yes..so when we were through with the survey I gave him my blog address..So if you're out there sweety...it was fun..thanks for the laughs..I would like to know what he thought when I was spilling my guts out to him about abortion,immigration,health care,gay marriages,the war in Iraq,and life in general...Maybe if we're lucky...Kinky will run for the Senate..and bring his cigars...
will leave you with a quote by George Orwell..
Things have reached such a state of affairs that
the first duty of every intelligent person is to pay attention to the obvious.

19 comments:

Nit Wit said...

They never call me. I did get a call from the robot that pretends to be Laura Bush just before the 2004 election simulation.
Couldn't get a word in edgewise so I hung up.

Green tea said...

OMG
I had to go change my pants after I read your post..
I am going to put your link on my blog.
How far are you from the Bush ranch
(compund) ?
You may want to put guards in front of your house in case Gonzales is in blog reading mode....LOL

angel said...

oh my word- how come i never get calls like that!!?!? it sounds like you had a blast, i wonder if he'll comment or if he's just put you on a hit list somewhere...

jan said...

I'll bet you made the guy's day, week, month, job.

I get a lot of calls from Governor Schwarzenegger, but he never lets me tell him what I think. He is very polite though.

buddha_girl said...

Without a doubt, one of your best posts, if only because you made my ass laugh so hard that I think it qualified for aerobic activity. I'm all about multi-tasking.

I hope sweet little phone survey boy leaves a comment on this blog! I would LURVEEEEE to hear from him!

Cyberoutlaw said...

If he didn't laugh at any point in there, he's got serious problems, LOL!

yellowdog granny said...

nitwit:generally they are run of the mill surveys..but this one was just too good to pass up...i still have a warm feeling from the phone call..
greentea:I am 9miles from willie nelson's home town and 45 miles from bush's compound..can't call it a ranch as there are no crops or livestock...glad you enjoyed it..i sure did have fun doing it..
angel:I was hoping he would leave a comment but so far nada..thanks for the link..appreciate it..hope you have fun here..
jan:he seemed to be laughing and enjoying himself..on more then one occasion he said..yeah, i feel liket that too...im sure he was stunned when he asked my age..cause when i said 63..he said..'really???'..ha
buddha_girl: i really had fun with the phone call..and sure wish he would stop by and say howdy..gld you liked the post..
cyber:i think he was afraid to laugh too much for fear someone would think he wasn't doing his job..but i could tell he was really enjoying himself..

kath said...

As always I laughed out loud here...
did you make the sign yet?

Maybe you could create it and print it out at the library and have them laminate it for you?

I like the idea and am making one too.. might just put that message on my answering machine too....

byg said...

I have no doubt that you are now on a Watch List but it was so worth it! I just started my morning with a good laugh thanks to you!

apositivepessimist said...

Ha you should write the survey answer boxes.

alan said...

Starting my weekend out with this, and justly so!

That Orwell quote is absolutely perfect for these times!

alan

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

Hoo boy! First, you just made my whole day.

Second, I think you better watch your back because now you are on Cheney's $hitlist for sure and the FCC has probably been notified to shut you down ASAP; and

Third, you better be glad I adore the Yellowdog Goddess so much that I am willing to overlook that remark about lawyers and lobbyists. ;) Did you know this lawyer almost became a lobbyist but something happened to my voice mail so I DIDN'T GET THE PHONE CALL FOR AN INTERVIEW until months later, hence how I ended up working at the mall...a call center with 150 other attorneys...and then as a temp! My whole life "could" have been different if I had just gotten the damned phone call.

Oh, well. Then I'd be one of those people everyone hates!

the rube said...

do you think the polling company has outsourced the call center to india?

it's only a matter of time.

you may have been entertaining a sikh. or maybe the guy had a golden ganesh in his cubicle.

Pixie said...

Lmao

texlahoma said...

Good post.
I like it when they call me but I'm always strongly agree or strongly disagree. Man, that's some slim pickin's for candidates!

Lavender said...

That's awesome!!! You so rock!!!

yellowdog granny said...

Kath;nope but i'm working on it...
byg:I have a feeling i have been on a watch list for about as long as he has been around...gov of texas and all...glad i made your day start off with a smile..
apos:i still cant belive they dont' have a box for 'he's an asshole'....
alan;isn't that just the greatest quote..I think i will have it made up and have it hung on the wall in my living room...
HMHH:ooooh...I forgot your a lawyer..but you don't practice do you?....and thank the goddess you never became a lobbyist..unless you're lobbying for universal health care...ha..maybe you should just hang up a shingle and be a lawyer and help folk..????
rube:I am sure he was a local kid..he was trying to feel out how dems are voting in the up coming senatorial election in texas...I wish he would come by and leave a comment..that would make my day for sure...if he had been from india..i would have brushed him off..
pixie..thanks..glad u enjoyed it..
lavender:it was just soooo much fun...really!..

Josh said...

LOL, great stuff.

Cheesemeister said...

That sounds cool, I haven't had even that much fun for a long time.
My life is pretty damn pathetic.