I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Thursday, August 02, 2007

A LITTLE SHIT GOES A LONG WAY

Trust me on this..it seems like all I have
done the past 3 days is clean up shit..
from 2 bathrooms,clothes,sinks,floors,
sheets,
blankets,etc.
I will spare you the details, but when

I got suspicious about the length of time
it was taking him to go to the bathroom,
I found him cleaning his underwear with Listerine and my toothbrush..Then when I
tried to help him, he got snarky with me
and threw both of my pill containers in
the floor, scattering all my pills everywhere..Then he became docile and
let me lead him to the other bath room
where I cleaned him up and got him in his pajamas..I took him to the kitchen and
fed him some seedless watermelon, gave
him his nighttime meds and said ...it's bedtime..and off he went...Now all I can
hope is there will be no more accidents
between now and Saturday. Shady came down
from Austin and we took Bolish to see
Blanche at the nursing home and left him
to see how that went..We were looking for
those phones that have the big buttons for
old folks..nothing in that town...so I
bought some new socks for my new choos,did I tell you I have new choos??? Plus I thought hell, I will get me some new bras...got three(got home none of them fit...fuck)..Man, I have some big ass tits...what a pain in the ass..
Meanwhile back at the nursing home..(where a lady named Joy followed Lane, me and Bolish right into Blanche's room and stood there staring at us for about 5 minutes)spooky!
Bolish was told that he was going to be moving in with Blanche and he didn't want to..said he was perfectly able to take care of his self..When we tried to explain to him that he couldn't, I reminded him that he had fallen the night before in the shower and took me 30 minutes to get him up off the floor..He said he didn't fall and I basically made it up..When he was told he couldn't' stay alone he pointed his head at me and said..she can do it..And I said, no ..I have a home and I want to go back to it..In his mind he is fine..He can't get dressed by himself, fix food for himself,take his meds by his self or walk far with out falling down..but he thinks that is just a fluke and he'll be fine..and after the fall last night and the accidents that keep happening on a regular basis I know that I can't keep doing this..So he is going in Saturday...after we are done I will go back to Austin and stay for a few days..Lane said in case he wants to leave and go back home..but I am going to have to tell her..I can't do it any more..I know I hurt my back trying to get him up off the floor and then to top it off the stupid fucking yippy Skippy dog decided to run off and had to chase him 3 houses down the street and wouldn't come back with me and had to carry his fat ass back and that REALLY hurt my back...When I passed the neighbors house next door (they came out to see who I was screaming "come back here you little sonofabitch" at...I yelled at Louis and June..get out your Funk and Wagner's (???)I am inventing new cuss words..they thought that was very amusing...fucking dog..
So at the end of the day...I have a sore back, a droopy smile,new socks for my new choos(did I tell you I have new choos?)..3 bras that won't cover my gigantic tits and a(if you will excuse the pun) a shitty out look on life..

well...as Evelyn Waugh said:
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them...So I hope you were fucking amused...sigh*

14 comments:

BBC said...

"I will spare you the details, but when I got suspicious about the length of time it was taking him to go to the bathroom,"

Who?

You got big tits? Um, okay, but that doesn't say much. Some tits are too big, and not half way firm, and have stretch marks and such.

Um, I'm just trying to build a metal picture here. Some big tits are not that interesting.

If they don't get really excited when you are kissing them they are just a waste of time and space, I don't care what size they are.

Actually, I think I might prefer tits somewhere between small and large. It depends on how friendly they are. I love tits that love to be kissed.

Okay, so God likes to kiss tits, Goddess likes to have her tits kissed. I don't see any problem with that.

buddha_girl said...

Jaysus.

That's awful. I'm SO feeling for Bolish and his need to believe that he's ok. I don't think a nursing home is ever a pleasant place for anyone because so many spirits there are just broken.

I hope it's a good place with loving caregivers.

I admire you for putting in your best efforts so that Bolish could attempt to have some semblence of independence at this late date.

I also admire your ability to invent new curse words. I'm making a note of this carrying back the fat-ass fuck dog and plan on sharing it with Buddha when he's old enough to both appreciate it as well as know to watch out when he curses.

You're a good woman, Jac. *hard hugs* Here's to you getting back home soon. You deserve a rest. Toddle to Virginia if you wanna!

Blue Momma said...

I just found your blog and I must admit I am amused.

I've got a toddler who is just nearly potty trained so I've had a shitty - pun intended - few weeks too.

No huge tits to complain about though, but my ass has gotten rather large.

And GWB? I agree with you 1000%!

Nancy said...

I was hysterically amused! Sorry, but the bra thing I have the same problem and misery loves company.

The old person care taker thing I get at work everyday. Yesterday I had two old guys in their 80's and neither one of them could keep thier hands off their penis's. They both had foley's and my job was to make sure they didn't pull them out. Try arm rassling an old guy from his penis, then talk to me, hahaha!

That which don't kill us only mkaes us stronger and I never thought I would say this...

I prefer to work with the drunks to the old people. Drunks you can at least tie up in restraints.

BBC said...

if sex isn't spiritual why is it most people say 'oh god, oh god,' when they are climaxing?
just asking'


Got me hon. I haven't been with all that many women and only one of them made noise when she climaxed. She would say "Oh Honey, Oh Honey, Oh Honey".

Actually it increases the pleasure and the climax if you include some noise. But I didn't know that until she taught me that. The next woman I had sex with was really surprised when I climaxed with some noise as she had never experienced that. It sort of scared her. LOL

the rube said...

i think b.b. king wrote a few songs about what you're going through.

maybe it's all a dream. a real fucking shitty dream.

Nit Wit said...

This too shall pass. EWWW.
I am going to get back into shit detail again I'm sure. My oldest step daughter is going to have a little girl any day now. It's been going a lot better than what happened last year and Grandpa is head babysitter in this outfit.
I hate that he can't see that he isn't able to live on his own.

texlahoma said...

What's up with the dogs getting out? Bob got out of the back yard and barked at the mayor, now he's got powerful enemies!

Cheesemeister said...

amused but sympathetic. Though I don't know how it is to have large boobs. Mine are medium sized and they get in the way! But fortunately, it doesn't hurt my back to walk around without a bra, and nor do they sag to my knees. Once I got over the "boo hoo I don't look like a Playboy model" adolescent bullcrap, I was glad they didn't get bigger than they are.
I could never post anything like this on my random thoughts blog thanks to the stupid ass troll. So I posted the Nekkid Hair Dye story on the psych blog instead. If you're dying of curiosity I'll email you the URL because I'm not sure whether he still comes bothering and you just don't post his crap. Fucking Haloscan is supposed to keep him out but he goes to different locations so his ISP changes, so I'm no better off--bastard!

Junebugg said...

The old guy sounds just like Dad got in his last years, they're a hand full but what ya gonna do...

I agree about the bras, I've got dozens and only 4 that I wear unless it's an emergency. Damn things make my boobs hang out under my arms and over the top of the cup, giving me a double boob line.

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

That's the shits about your back. (no pun intended). I hope it's OK.

What did you do about your pills? I'm assuming you didn't use them after they landed on the shit-covered floor?

As for your toothbrush, man, I bet you're just glad you caught him in the act! Just think if you hadn't!!

yellowdog granny said...

bbc:ahhh put a sock in it..
buddhagirl:he's in the nursing home and is doing fine...but will be a cold day in a texas summer before i volunteer to do that again..lane has made me feel like i really did something..and to me..that's what friends are for..hm... a nice virgia trip?...wait till i recoup from this one first.ha
bluemomma:welcome and when i get caught up will be back over to say howdy...
nancy;knew if anyone would know what i was going throug it would be you...ha..tits are a pain in the ass...truly..especially biguns..
the rube:yupper...and now it's just a dream in the past...another little bump in my road to valhalla..
nitwit:ohhh man..that was bad...ha..when we finally took him that sat..he kept saying he was fine..he would be fine on his own..when i left him i cried..such a baby..
tex:its what dogs do..get out and bark at people..or chase cats..lucky for the mayor bob can't vote..
cheese:i still do the comment moderation thing so he won't come back..and it's a pain in the ass..will try it for a few days and see if he does come back..he behaves him self..
junebug:sorry about your dad..it's so awful to watch them fall apart like that..
If i had wore the one bra that didnt fit i would have been able to use my tits for a chin rest..and sat my bottle of dublin dr pepper on them..walked to town and not spill a drop..
HMHH:i tossed the pills..and got a new tooth brush..and boy aren't i glad i saw him do it first.ha

Allan said...

Geez...I was hoping you were making up the bit about the tooth brush...ugh.

angel said...

urrghh... eeeewwww!
well, you're a HELLUVA lot braver than i am, i don't think i could look after another grownup the way you've looked after bolish!
ooh, and i battle my behind off to find bras that fit too!
i hope your back feels better...