I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Friday, September 22, 2006

DIET DR. PEPPER...SUCKS,...BITES...AND BLOWS


I know that there are plenty of people in blogville that drink Diet Dr.Pepper and are happy little campers..yeah? well, fuck you and your hat. I have few things that make life worth getting up for and Dr.Pepper was one of them..I have given up smokes, drugs, booze and sex...now I have to give up Dr.Pepper?Fuck me till I squeal like a pig..But the one good thing that has come out of it is....I can still make people that have known me for 25 years drop their jaws in shock and amazement...I was in our dollar general buying sugar free gum,sweet and low and asparagus when I saw Merle(one half of the brokeback mountain owners of Stricky Country)he asked how I was doing and I said 'not for shit'...(jaw slowly coming unhinged)..."I just found out I have diabetes and after giving up cigarettes, booze and sex...them fuckers have taken away my Dr.Pepper."...(jaw hits floor...eyes glaze over and heads snap all over the store)...There were a few giggles and gasps, but I didn't give a rats ass...because when they took away my Dr.Pepper they took away my sense of humor..fuck em all but six and save them for pall bearers...Poor Merle, he just sort of grinned and shot out the door..didn't even say good bye...
I have had 3 fucking days of poached eggs, dry whole wheat toast, tuna, tomatoes, cucumbers, grilled vegetables, and fresh fruit.I am so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a bear..Then to add insult to injury I went and checked out the work out pla
ces(curves has about 8 machines and no treadmill) and to help me lose weight I would have to pay $27 a month just to use their treadmill for an hour a day...fuck that..I will walk...if I fall down...I fall down..I would rather pay the $27 a month for someone to just beat the shit out of me...
I went to the store and got meat..I will not eat pork as I think it is not as good for me as liver, which I love.Roast beef and roast
chicken..hamburger with no buns...fuckity fuck fuck fuck...I also like chicken liver and gizzards so I can eat that..I also like all the veggies, like beets, green beans, (no fresh spinach..so quit pushing that shit on me Sling and Sooner...)asparagus(even if it does make my urine smell funny),and all leafy greens...No more corn....fuck...I love beans and that is protein, so will be making my bean soups this winter(no potatoes or corn)...lots of cabbage which I love...See? I am not giving up that much as far as the foods as I can live with out corn, potatoes, bread and sweets...But I think it is going too fucking far for them to make me give up Dr.Pepper..
Holy shit...I put the Diet Dr.Pepper on top of computer desk and just took a sip..it had gotten warm..let me tell you ..I thought regular Diet Dr.Pepper was bad...but warm DDD is gross...I was going to tell y
ou what it tasted like, but don't want to make all of you that do drink it and enjoy it sick ....but think about the after taste employees at the chicken ranch must have..shudder.....
Ok, enough...befor I gross myownself out..
For all you hundreds of people that asked for me to do the 90's(ok, so there were only 3)I will start tomorrow...1990..ready or not...

24 comments:

Autumn said...

If you really hate it..send it to me..I love it..Diet all the way yum. I had to give up soda (the real stuff) years ago when I got high blood pressure and border line diabetic..Now the good stuff taste to sweet..Hopefully you will get use to it..

Mimi said...

I really feel for you on this one! I would check with your doc to see if you can have reg Dr Pepper here and there if you eat healthy most of the time. You got to cheat a little. Any diet soda FUCKING SUCKS! I would rather lick my husbands ass than drink that shit. And the fake swetener causes cancer. I drink Crystal Light to cut back on soda. It has the cancer stuff too and is expenisive. But at least it is drinkable. Instead of dry toast try the I Can Not Believe It Is Not Butter Spray. It is fat free and calorie free. I do not know baout the sugar content. But it is actually pretty damn good. Oh and ice tea with Splenda aint bad and is cancer free too. Good luck! I know how hard it is just from doeting. I can't imagine how hard it is for your health!

Anonymous said...

..so does giving up all your favorite stuff make you live longer...or does it just seem that way?...just wonderin'

Anonymous said...

Take a break and get away from it all. Take a Alaskan Glacier Cruise to rid the stress!

yellowdog granny said...

autumn:i think i will stick to ice tea and sweet and low..that i drink all the time anyhow and like it..
mimi:i never liked the taste of crystal light..i would rather get lemonade kool-aid and use sweet and low...it doesnt suck
sling:im not 63 till november..but i swear i feel 65...i keep thinking i will eat healthy do my exercises and live 3 years and get hit by a fucking truck...
spam: fuck you AND your alaskan cruise..

buddha_girl said...

Like I said in my email, HG and I are feeling for you!

Suck up the diet stuff. Truly, the taste gets better.

I'm working on some sugar-free jam recipes. Mark my words, I will make that happen!

I'm so very glad you mentioned your symptoms. Diabetes is a FUCKER.

leo myshkin said...

i could never figure out why people pay good money to ride a stationary bike. ride a real bike and pick up cans. i love my bike. when i started a few years ago i couldn't ride for shit. now i'm a true menace to the pedastrians.

as for a beverage, steaming green tea with lots of thin sliced ginger. lean spaniards should also be a fat free alternative.

on another note, i have a real fat uncle who was diagnosed with diabetes years ago and he still eats like a pig. cake, pie, and tons of red meat.
some people say we're born with an expiration date stamped on our ass and that's all that counts.

sorry for being so long winded.

leo myshkin said...

oh yeah, my faithful beast rocket had diabetes for the last few years of her life. me and vet's assistant had to take her for walks and hold a cup under her when she squated down to pee. then the vet would work his magic and adjust the medicine.

those were the days..

Scottish Toodler said...

Holy shit you still make me laugh my ass off in the midst of your troubles!!! "Pay someone 27 to beat the shit out of me!!!"

Damn girl I do not envy your position. I hope you can work in a Dublin Dr Pepper every now and again, that is just wrong.

apositivepessimist said...

I'm trying to think of something really positive to say...

Nit Wit said...

As long as you blood sugar is within the normal range you should be able to enjoy a DDD now and then. The pills are suposed to inhibit your body absorbing the sugar. At lleast that's what mine is supposed to do.They do make low carb bread too.
The people of West should collect money to pay you for all the entertainment you are providing.
I left a comment on the sausage over at Janes.
Chin up tits out.
Damn it never looks right when I type it.

Ol' Lady said...

too bad that the diet stuff taste like shit :( maybe it's time to go back to one of the other things that you have given up on so long ago...or take up a new hobby

Junebugg said...

Sucks, doesn't it! I've been bad at staying on my diet but I've got to do better.......
Get the Dr. to sign you up for the nutrition classes. They give you a lot of info, you can have carbs in moderation. They also recomend that you eat sweet potatoes instead of white. something about all the vitamins and fiber in them. I've got the South Beach diet book and it gives a lot of ideas.

Lavender Dawn said...

You must be super cranky- changing your diet like that! Eww. I don't care for diet pop at all. I love coke with lime, but I can only ever find diet coke with lime anymore! It's evil!!!! Maybe try the locarb breads, and yukon gold potatoes have less carbs, so less sugar, and are yummy. I found you from your comment at Jublues. I love your goddess pic at the right. Very cool. And your profile? Rocks.

Pixie said...

I am one of the few who prefer diet sodas ( but then I only drink coke or pepsi).

But I am sure a little in moderation wont be too bad YDG ?
How many cans do you go throught a day ? I switched WP over to diet because he can go through 2 2 liter bottles on his own a day, thats as well as water and iced tea! I hvae never known a person to drink so much!!

He whined and moaned but I stuck with it and he got used to it ( I enjoy being mean too ;) )

He does "fall off the wagon" now and again though

cherylann said...

my nana was a diabetic. she ate potatoes and corn. i think it's all about picking and choosing in moderation what you are going to eat. she drank lots of water and would beg us for some diet root beer. my cousins and i would sneak her chocolate bars and cupcakes. there are different things today that can help with the recipes and taste of the food so it isn't so bland. mrs. dash is good because it doesn't have salt in it. check it out. good luck.

yellowdog granny said...

buddhagirl:well i keep telling myself it's not that bad as it is something that is left up to me to control..and i have kicked smokes, drugs and booze(not counting the sex) so kicking back and cutting back on bad foods and getting skinny should be a snap...or so i hope..
leo: you can come along with me and capture my pee if you like...and bring the lean spaniard with ya..
scottish toodler: hell everyone here knows that i will be sneaking in a dublin dr.pepper once in awhile...not often but it will be done..
apos: im ok with non positive things to say..ha
nit wit: chin up tits out ...ALWAYS LOOKS RIGHT..
old lady: like i said in email..thought about reefer but the muchies would kill me...
junniebugg:going to go monday and get the south beach diet book...
dawnmarie: did you notice the rock formation? turn your head to the left...and thanks so much for the great comments on your post about me...you dont owe me money or something do ya? cause that was really sweet...
and by the way..im cranky like this all the time..except when the cowboys win...

Cherlee's said...

I hear yah as I take a drink of my diet dr. pepper. It's funny I just bought some the other day. I totally agree. You are just to funny thanks for that I needed a good laugh! ( as I spit a mouth full of soda all over the screen) LOL

texlahoma said...

I use to like a girl that drank Dr. Pepper all the time. They called her "Pruney".

JBlue said...

I hardly ever drank sodas when I was younger. Then, somehow, I found Diet Coke and got hooked. It was the SUGAR I didn't like in sodas. I love that Diet Coke taste, though. Unfortunately. Now I have to force myself to have ONE CAN a day. Period. That's ALL.

Funny. Poor YDG.

tina said...

Awww dammit, that sucks gal, sorry to hear. Both of my Moms have diabetes and they get to have some sugar once in a while. OMG I would have a shit-fit if I couldn't drink coke - i wake up to coca cola and go to bed to it...

:P fuzzbox said...

But how do you really feel?

cheesemeister said...

I don't mind diet Dr. Pepper, but having diabetes would SUCK! I like way too many things that are bad for me, and it scares me because my grandmother and great grandmother were both diabetic. I check my blood sugar at work sometimes because we have a glucometer. My blood sugar after eating is always in normal ranges but my fasting blood sugar is just a teeny bit high. I hope this doesn't mean anything much. I'll just keep living in de-Nile until it floods, I suppose!

cyberoutlaw said...

My father just started the insulin thing for his Diabetes. He's a long time, big time grease eater so I know it's not going well. I've always liked diet soda better than the regular stuff, although Diet Dr. Pepper isn't one of my favorites.