I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

MY TITS .......



are having a race with my ass to see which is going to make it to the floor first...Tada..I have 2 days off...In which I will dust, sweep, swifter mop, vacuum, clean liter box, clean bath room, clean kitchen, clean living room, clean bed room, plant flowers, plant veggies, feed the birds, clean off the front porch, do 317 loads of laundry, go to the library, and suffer a small, noticed by no one but the cat and possibly Babs, nervous break down.
But first I have to plot my revenge...against my dear friend Babs..who to get even with me for buying her the soul sucking gnome and calling her a pussy, put a red pooh shirt in amongst all my red t-shirts.. am I the only person that color coordinates their t-shirts..? The day I went to the convention I thought about dressing nice and looking professional, and then I thought .? Who the fuck am I kidding...So I wanted to wear one of my West, Texas Bohemian Headhunter t-shirts and I'm going thru my red t-shirts, going West, West, West, West, Pooh, West, West....what the fuck?....What's a pooh shirt doing in my closet?...That's Babs work...So now I am plotting something nefarious for her..Something really evil that will teach her not to mess with the Scorpio Queen...We do revenge better than anyone...I'll teach her to fuck with me...brwhahahahahah!
Yesterday at work it was just me and Tom the boss, who is about as good a boss as I have ever had...He lets me do in-caps as I am good at it and enjoy it...So I got to do a Mother's Day end cap right by the register...So I brought out the vases, infusion candles, huge ass boxes of chocolate, little plates with poems to mother on it, assorted crap you husbands get your kid to buy for mom for mothers day...and we had some blank places and I was allowed to fill it in with what I thought would look good, sell and would work for a mother's day end-cap...So I filled it in with some 'stuff' and then I thought(my first mistake)...hmmm...I know..So I went to ladies clothes and got a bunch of sexy women's thong, bikini panties in red, hot pink and racing stripes( I swear to Goddess the pants had red and black racing stripes on them) and hung them up on the end...I asked Tom...'so what do you think?..'..he said 'works for me'...and that was in..come in to work today and Inky came chasing me down and said 'are you clocked in?' and I said 'yeah, why?...and he said 'I want to make sure your on the clock so you can't clock me...' .."you want me to take down the red panties don't you'...hahahah...He thought it was so tacky..said all it needed was a sign that said 'hot XXX video's this way'...I did my sales pitch about how I had asked some ladies what they would rather have the hot panties or the chocolate and they all said the panties...So Inky said..'what ever...leave them up then...We're both laughing our asses off...I finally went and took the racing striped ones and the flaming red ones and replaced them with some sedate sequined looking ones and a bra and pantie set...just to fuck with him...eventually before the morning was over I took them down, but not before telling him the reason why he didn't like them was because he was afraid Anessa was going to want some..I did some big ass cleaning today..cleaned the floor behind the register as it was dirty, took all the rugs by the register, the door and the one out side and beat the shit out of them....plus, swept and mopped around the register booth...I can't just stand up there and do nothing...when I told Angela that she said 'oh I have no problem just standing her doing nothing.'..
I said 'no shit'...
To make sure I get my 30 hours in this week I have to come in 1/2 hour early for 2 days and an hour early on one ..which will allow me to have my 30 hours and get 2 days off..Good ole Tom..always thinking of me..Inky said if I didn't know you better I'd think you had something going with the boss to get 2 days off in a row...I laughed so hard I nearly choked..Said nope, he's just afraid if I don't get 2 days in a row off, I'm going to take a header in the middle of the floor from exhaustion..
I got my Late Night Online t'shirt...and was sorta pissed...it's made in fecking Haiti...What? China isn't good enough for ole Dave?....I'm thinking about sending it back ...with a note...I'm working on it...
oh...have to run...John McCain is on Letterman, want to make sure I watch it, in case he croaks...

20 comments:

Nit Wit said...

My ass is going to beat my tits to the floor, but then again I was a late bloomer in the tits department.
I would watch getting revenge on Babs, she's got a mean streak. You may wake up one morning and find a voodoo spell laid out in your garden with candles and all sorts of strange stuff that might bring those Gnomes to life to steal your soul.
On second thought go ahead if nothing else it will be fodder for some great blog posts.
So it was a red t-shirt with crap on it?
Well I think the undies would be a big seller with the kids too young to pick gifts out by themselves.
Too much cleaning at work, and then your going to spend your days off cleaning. Gotta go, the wash is done. Only 3 more loads to go.
Babysitting was easy this morning she slept half the time. She has also mastered the art of blowing raspberries. Something that grandpa has been working on with her for a while. She isn't quite ready for flipping the bird yet but we're working on it.

Rudy said...

Y'know, seems my Uncle Carl's T&A are racing to the floor as well.

I've been trying for about a year to win a Latenight tee on Letterman's Top Ten Contest to no avail. I'll buy one in a month or two...if I don't win one.

With all the anti-Hillary that's been going around for years, I doubt she can win. The Right knows that the centrists and independents won't vote for her. Even Rush wants her to win. They have truckloads of manure and compost to throw at HRC. They've been gearing up to fight her for years. I'm afraid that only Obama can keep McBush out of office.

yellowdog granny said...

nitwit:she may have a mean streak..but i'm a scorpio...we dish out revenge like ben and jerry dish out ice cream...
the t'shirt had winnie the fucking pooh on it..with flowers..how spooky is that?
that was the first thing i taught my granddaughters was to give a raspberry..the second was how to spit..
i would tell them...
"i love you with all my heart,
and part of my liver, if i had you in my mouth i'd spit you in the river."..then I would spit...they loved spitting..got them all in trouble in school..and the parents got to blame me for it..we also had a special handshake that ended up with us flipping each other off...having grandbabies is lots of fun...
rudy:the tshirts are crap..made in haiti. think the first time you wash it, it'll shrink down small enough to fit a 3 year old.
obama can keep him out for me..mccain's an old fart who is worse than bush..and that's fecking badddddd...

Nit Wit said...

Grandparent’s mission in life is getting their grandkids to embarrass and get their parents in trouble.
After 4 and starting on the 5th I'm getting the hang of it.

old enough to moan said...

If a pair of tits or ass were in danger of hitting the floor I used to make sure I was on the floor just before them!

We had our Mother's Day in March, I got mine a plant. My partner got books from our three year old [one of which I am reading]. I should’ve gone for the sexy bra and pants, in my size naturally. Ha.

Big Tex said...

Is it just me, or did Dave look like he wanted to kick Grandpa John in his shriveled-up old sack?

My ass is definitely going to beat my mantits to the floor, but my gut will probably beat them both there. Pop lock & drop it! Pop lock & drop it!

Kalibitch said...

After reading all the funny comments i can't remember what the hell i was going to say. dang.
Goddess save me from sag.

jan said...

You should get a picture of your Mother's day end cap for other retailers to copy. It could inspire a national buying spree and improve the nation's economy

yellowdog granny said...

son of a bitch blogspot ate my comment..will do it again later..dickheads..uh...blogspot.not y'all..

sageweb said...

Ha I spit my water out at the Mcpain croaking...wouldnt that be wonderful? On national TV.

Dam I love Babs that was a good one...so did you wear the Poo shirt?

HAve a good 2 days off.

Christie said...

I've always wondered the behind the scenes stories of the Dollar General. You crack me up!

billy pilgrim said...

5 bucks on the tits.

it's been over ten years since i worked 30 hours in a week. in my youth i sometimes worked over 80 hours a week so i'd be a total feckin idiot not to even the score in my golden years.

Big Pissy said...

you never fail to crack me up! lol

p.s. my ass will hit the floor first.....it's already half-way there.

That Rude Girl said...

I think I will croak if Pain McCain wins the election.

I'm sure McCain will outlive us all, especially if he ever gets in the White House. He has been obsessed with becoming President FOREVER. I hear he's looking for a running mate now and Mitt Romney's begging like a puppy. Have some pride Mitt! I'm sure he'll pick Huckabee to try and lock in the religious right vote. PFFFT.

texlahoma said...

I use to like it when the boss would let me help decide where to put stuff, the lumber yard didn't stock panties or bras though.

Gadfly said...

*chuckle*

In the end, gravity always wins ;-)

McRaven said...

Since my boobs were taken off I notice my posture was so much better, someone asked me if I had gotten taller?

yellowdog granny said...

nitwit:yeah, i love it when thom or dave would be getting on the girls for something they did and i would go 'yah, but it's not as bad as the time you ...blah blah, yadda yadda'...and they would freak out..mom, don't tell them what we used to do...
oetm:i'll never look at that panny bra set again without thinking of you..
bigtex:im always surprised when david doesn't smack them when you know he wants to.
kali:trust me..everything moves south after 35...
jan:i will try and remember to take a picture of it..and post it..
sage:hell no i didnt wear the shit..do i sound like a winnie the pooh tshirt wearing old lady?...nu uh..the one i was looking for said "bohemian headhunter' on it..
christi:im sure there will be many more Family$ store stories..right up until they find out about it and fire me.
bp:i have worked 4 jobs at once before so im familiar with long hours, but i was much younger..
bp:my tits fell last night followed shortly by my ass..
rudegirl:if he wins i swear to goddess, im moving in with billy pilgrim in canada..
tex:they should get them, i'm sure it would make a great fathers day present
gady:yup..everything goes south, and sooner than you want it to..
mcraven:now that's funny...sad..but funny..do your clothes fit better now?

Ted said...

Hopefully, that SOB will "cash in his chips" on the election trail, and Obama will coast right into the White House.

Josh said...

Now where I come from, underwear that has racing stripes is a prime candidate for the garbage heap.