I'm a liberal pagan living in West,Texas..yes that West,Texas

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

COWBOYS, WRECKS, AND CHRISTMAS OH MY...

The Cowboys have 4 going to the Pro-Bowl...Which is good..but I wish we had more...fuck, I'm never satisfied... Found out something I didn't know...(like that's a big surprise.)..Mat McBriar our punter is going to the Pro-Bowl along with our Quarterback Tony(good teeth)Romo, DeMarcus Ware and Roy Williams...but the news is...Mat McBriar is from Australia...He's an Aussie ...How cool is that Apos?....
We had a big ass wreck on I-35 yesterday am..A semi blew a tire, the driver lost control...Scratch the driver...And while the traffic was backed up(right outside town) another semi smacked into the rear end of a UPS druck...so one dead and 2 injured...nasty...every time I get on I-35 and I see a semi I try to get around it and away from it as fast as possible..those drivers have been up for 48 hours, have little experience and most of them are criminals...and are on some sort of stimulant..and I'm not talking Starbucks here...
The other night I was watching The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson(the Scottish late night talk show host..sans kilts)...(there goes that swinging dick visual again).... He said that Britney Spears had been voted the worse pet owner as she stopped taking her dogs around with her like she did before she married the asshole and had all them replacement dogs(the kids)...but not to worry as she had been spotted around town showing off her pussy....they bleeped pussy..but there was never any doubt what he said..I laughed so hard....a funny Scottish swinging dick...how good can it get...
Ok, I have been tagged to do the Christmas Want/don't want list...3 things I would like to get for Christmas and 3 things I don't want for Christmas...I am doing this on the fly ...no prep or thinking or anything..just off the top of my head..so brace yourself......
THREE THINGS I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS:
1.I would like a new computer...one with a great scanner, printer, copier...
2.I am like Sean Connery in the Untouchables...when he said 'they take out one of yours..you take out 3 of theirs...'...so I want 3 republicans to fall over from a stroke..cause you can't convince me that them fuckers didn't have something to do with that Democrat having a stroke...the smell of 'the fix is in' is all over the place...

3.I would wish for peace for all man kind but you and I know there is no fucking way...there is too much money being made in wars..and the cost of human life is an exceptable loss..so I want...hmmmm..what do I want..I want my front tooth fixed...I chipped it on a (I swear this is the truth...) a Dr.Pepper bottle..I was going to the refrigerator and needed a free hand to open the door(had Dr.Pepper in one hand ground beef in the other) and stuck the D.P. in my teeth and opened the door and it swung back and smacked the D.P into my tooth and there she wrote..I have had it fixed about 3 times..the last time lasted about 5 years which was cool...but it finally started to fall off and I haven't had the money to get it fixed..it has ruined my smile..I used to smile like a (as my mother would say) Jackass eating cactus through a picket fence...big ole smile..now I smile with my mouth shut because of my toof...so all I want for Christmas is my front toof...not my two front teeth..just the one..
and now...the good part...what I don't want...
I.I don't want any fucking thing I have to dust...no knick nacks, no more fucking candle holders, no more anything that I have to dust...I don't care how cute it is..I don't want it...thank you very much..
2.I don't want the Eagles to win another game until 2017....2016 at the earliest...and I want them to lose by at least 35 points...hey...what can I tell you..I hate them fuckers..sorry Brad...
3.I don't want the Republicans to win another election till after the Eagles win the Super Bowl in 2086....hey, what can I tell you..I hate them fuckers more than I hate the Eagles...in my book..if you're a Repbulican that is a Eagle fan.....?..you're going directly to hell...
fuckme till people stop saying 'happy holidays'.....

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad it wasn't you on i-35. Yikes.

Anonymous said...

I too have chipped a front tooth. $750 they want to fix it. ouch.

Anonymous said...

Glad I'm not a football fan.
I had a chipped front tooth for years but I also had soft teeth. No matter what they did I still got cavities. This included painting them with Floride past every night. All gone now.

I think your being too easy on the Republicans. I would like to see them go the way of the Wigs.

I was a truck driver for a while after taking a 12 week training course. I saw a lot of guys take the 3 week training and hit the road and hoped I didn't meet them on the road. First company I worked for it was impossible to run legal. I once drove over night from Kansas City to Memphis and I remembered about 10 minutes of the trip.

Hoppy Helldays I like that better.

apositivepessimist said...

Well I would say that was pretty cool...whatever it means. So making it to the pro bowl is special? Right?

Carina said...

Preach it granny!
I hate that DP betrayed you like that, though. Sucks.
I hope everyone gets all their Christmas wishes granted. Won't happen of course but a nice fantasy.....

Anonymous said...

Go cowboys!! I chipped my front tooth once. Got tired of having it fixed so now I have false teeth. The best move I made. Take em out, clean and let it roll. Merry Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Dam, now I feel special...I was going to send you the cutest knick nack for Christmas...I guess I'll save the postage and toss it in the trash here :)

Anonymous said...

came back looking for another laugh.. and got it..

2086, eh? perfect!

and I think Craig is a hoot!

Hope you get the three things you want.. and nothing that you have to dus..

again.. i agree!

Cassandra said...

I'm with ya on the knick knacks. Damn dust collectors is what they are.
Other than the wreck on 35 and the chipped tooth, I laughed my ass off at your post.
Happy fucking holidays and shit.

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JACKIESUE said...

allan:nope..i stay off of i-35 as much as possible..
jan: the last time i had mine fixed it was $150...i'm thinking about getting some modeling clay and fill it in and put a star on it..
nitwit: hooy boy..you behind the wheels of an 18wheeler..that's a scary thought...when i worked for the book company and traveled on the road alot..all the close calls i had where with trucks..they scare the crap out of me...
apos:yup the pro bowl is the other players voting for the person they think deserves the honor of going to the pro bowl..means 'thumb up your bum.'....
we also have (he may have graduated by now) a basketball player on the Baylor team and he was terrific..and the city of waco loves him..call him thunder from down under...

Carina: yea..my christmas fantasy is..well..x rated..has a 3-way with me antonio and craig bierko..4 elves,a reindeer, frosty the snow man and an all goes on in a fur lined igloo..
tina: yea, im thinking false teeth..and i know there is an ex rated joke in there but refuse to go there..
ol lady: thanks for trashing my knick knack..ha
kath: im glad you keep coming back for the laughs and that i deliver...
babs:ahh. my work here is done..i made babs laugh..

apositivepessimist said...

okay so it's done by his peers. good stuff. I love hearing about aussie's making good in other countries makes me all warm and fuzzy.

:P fuzzbox said...

Happy Holidays!!! ;)