I'm a liberal pagan living in West,Texas..yes that West,Texas

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

.......HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS.......

Well, so much happened I don't know where to start..lets see..hmmmmm....ok..first of all I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and the body count was low..I am going to start first with our local West Haven Rest Home activities...I was there the other day to take my ex-daughter-in-law their gifts..while we were bullshitting and making fun of the old farts(she is the activity director)..I saw some pictures on her desk..they were from the Christmas parties they had for the old farts... First of all they have all sorts of activities. They vote to elect people to play the part of Santa, Mrs. Santa, the elf, Frosty, the Christmas tree and of course the Miss West Rest Haven.
Then they invite all the kindergarten kids and Santa hands out gifts, candy etc..The old farts bake cookies, pies, cakes, etc. and give them to the kids along with punch that resembles that shit Jim Jones gave his followers...I'm sure it is just a coincidence..So.anyhow..I'm looking at the pictures and the looks on the kids faces were priceless...they looked horrified and scared out of their minds,
bored, asleep or ready to hit the road..Then
I saw the pictures of Santa, Mrs. Claus, the tree, Frosty, the elf and Miss Rest Haven...they were all in wheel chairs..no wonder the kids were scared to death..Santa looked like he was ready to pass over to the other side...the elf had already passed out..or ..no..he's just sleeping ...thank the Goddess..Mrs. Santa was raring to go, but being in that wheel chair slows you up some...the tree looked like she was a birthday short of being the oldest tree in the world..not the oldest person..the oldest tree...Frosty looked like he was melting... and bet those kids will be tramatized for life...Talk about shock and awe...That was the beginning of my intertainment for the past week...then I read an article in the DAM News and learned how to hide drugs from a one-time Texas drug agent..He was described by his former boss as perhaps the best narcotics officer in the country...He plans on selling a video that shows people how to conceal their drugs and fool police..He is going to launch a website this week:
Never Get Busted Again. It will show viewers how to 'conceal thier stash and fool canines every time.' Barry Cooper said he favors the legalization of marijana and made the video in part because he believes the nation's fight against drugs is a waste of resources.
As a drug officer, Mr. Cooper said, he made more than 800 drug arrests and seized more than 50 vehicles and $500,000 in cash and assets. Tom Finley, Mr. Cooper's former boss on a West Texas(not West, Texas) drug task force, said:"He was even better than he says he was."...so anyone interested..I'm sure that you can google him and find the website...not that any of you would ever have any need for that type of information..

this may be my favorite article in my DAM News...
SENIORS LEAD GUN PERMITS.

Texans who are 55 or older are more likely to get concealed handgun permits than those who are in their 20's,30's or 40's, according to Texas Department of Public Safety statistics.
That falls in line with national surveys that indicate seniors are more likely than any other age group to be gun owners.
In Texas 43 percent of those who have concealed handgun permits are 55 or older. Texans who are 60 or older have about 25 percent of the permits issued, statistics show..
So remember that the next time you're driving down the interstate and some little gray haired old lady is tooling along at 35 miles an hour, driving down the middle of the line, and gives you the finger...Just smile and go on about your business..cause that little ole lady is probably packing and thinks your a terrorist anyhow and will be doing a good deed by shooting the top of your head off..
aren't ya'll glad I don't pack?

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

You should be packin! Imagine the stories you could tell...maybe even from behind bars :)

yellowdoggranny said...

ol lady: i have already used up my get out of jail free card..dont want to press my luck....

Anonymous said...

Hell us older folks need guns more than the youngsters, we can't run as fast as they can and need an equalizer.........

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing Apos will jump all over the "Oldies" portion of this post. I'm sure she has had similar expeiences. . . But you're right, those kids will need the night light on for a few weeks. . .LOL

I get a real kick out of people who buy handguns to "protect themselves." If they store the weapon the way the law say you should, the gun is in a locked cabinet with a trigger lock installed and the keys in another location. The ammo is in yet another location under lock and key. . . .

By the time you hear the intruder, get the first key, unlock the cabinet, get the gun, remove the trigger lock, get the second key, grab the ammo and then load the gun, the intruder:

1. Is long gone with your jewlery and cash.

2. Laying on the floor laughing hysterically at the site of you trying to "defend yourself." (picture Barney Fife here)

3. Fleeing the scene after beating you to a pulp, taking your valuables, car, the gun and the two boxes of ammo you never got to use. . .

4. Felt sorry for you having a gun to protect a 1957 mobile home, a green '81 Ford F-100 pickup with two red doors and a black and white tv from the early 60s. He leaves you $50 to to buy a better lock for the front door. . .

Yep. . . That gun was worth every penny. . .

HUGGSS!!

Rowan Dawn said...

oh my god, I am sooooo sooooo sooooo slow. in the head i mean. you live in a town called West? Are you serious? rotf. I am such a dumb ass. anyway, merry christmas and junk. i read that article, too. that is awesome. it is a waste of resources. we have terrorists to think about! ha!

you say you aren't packing, but you could be lying... i mean concealing!

Anonymous said...

In some gay circles, "packing" has an entirely different connotation.

Interesting about the former drug cop. I wonder if we'll start seeing things like former INS officials showing people how to get into the country, or former forensics people showing criminals how to hide their methods from investigators.

Oh wait, we have "CSI" for that last one.

yellowdoggranny said...

junebugg: yea.but the thought of all them old farts with bad hearing, bad vision and shakey hands holding a gun is really a scary thought...
lauren:..haaaaaahaaaa, that's funny...and true...
lavender: you just now figured out i live in a town called west, texas...lordy girl...west, by goddess, texas...

josh: trust me the texas term 'packing' has nothing to do with gays..ha..i still havent checked out the website by the x-agent...will tell my kids about it though...

Anonymous said...

If the muggers and car jackers could read they might think about a new line of work. They say the number of murders in big cities is going up, I wonder if the two things are related.
They passed one of the carry laws here and the day before it went into effect every signs showed up on all stores and in workplaces prohibiting weapons. That means you can carry as long as you’re outside.
I would have tried to make Santa’s wheelchair look like a sleigh and used all the beard and hair I could find to cover him up. Poor kids will start putting baby food and prune juice out for him on Christmas and check to make sure he didn't keel over on the roof.

Up on the rooftop click, click, click.
Fell down the chimney, got a broken hip.
Boy I'm gonna pay for that one day. :)

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Anonymous said...

I'm glad you issued the warning about old farts packing. You probably saved several lives. Sounds like you had a great west Texas Christmas. Sorry about the Cowboys (well, not entirely, I'm a 49ers fan)

What is it with making extra money above? He is getting annoying.

Anonymous said...

As a drug dealer once said to me when he visited the convenience store I worked at as a kid around this time of year, "Merry fuckin' Christmas and Happy motherfuckin' New Year!"

Anonymous said...

hey, I said I was slow!

JBlue said...

My God, you're funny.