I don't mean to say I'm actually FUCKING Martha Stewart, (I'm not going to break my no sex streak of 22 ye
ars for an old broad who's done time)..but that I'm like well, uh...a Jackiesue version of Martha Stewart...got it?
West, Texas has h
ad a few days of gully washers...and river washers for that matter..The Brazos is over flooding it's banks in places..it damn near sank our River Queen, the paddle wheel boat restaurant. Water was in the lower floor of one of the river restaurants and washed out many bridges and flooded some homes..We go 9 months with no rain..then get a years quota of rain..in 2 fucking days...Gotta love it...But after 2 days of thun
derstorms, tornados, high winds, and lightning we have had 2 days of glorious sunshine, and high 70's weather...Bluebonnets every where...I are a happy redneck...So yesterday since I couldn't plant any of my new plants or repot anything because of our version of Noah's flood..I did it yesterday...I planted my 2 pineapple plants that my nephew Phillip gave me..he gave me four, but gave one to Margaret and Claudette...I was going to send 2 of them to Lane but she threatened to kick my ass if I did..so M % C got them...then I repotted my aloe vera which was so over grown it was sad...planted some nasty urchins, some more ivy, some sunflowers, and just generally acted like I knew what I was doing..I was so impressive that Margaret and Claudette came out to watch me...we had a little chat while I played in the dirt...I took a bunch of the lose suckers from the aloe vera to the laundry room as I didn't have room for them...one lady took them all..She weighs about 300 lbs and is in one of those 'scooters' and man, she really zips around the parking lot in that thing..she fell in love with Annie and was convienced she could get her to come to her...I told her I would give her $1,000 if she could get her to obey her..she 'kitty kitty kittied and Annie Annie Annied' till she was hoarse..Annie came as far as the end of the truck..and just sat and stared at her...every one in a while she would lick her ass to show her contempt for the human..but she never moved...just stared at her..I was laughing my ass off..
Thursday Claudette and I took my truck(never getting in the her car again...ever)...and went to Caritas...we went early and only had to wait about an hour..I got some great things but judas priest..enough bread to put me into a coma...and a case of tomatoes..not canned tomatoes...fresh red ripe tomat
oes...fuck!..so I gave Claudette some(everyone got them but Claudette and she was pissed..heehee)...gave Margaret some and gave Jamie and her Mom some...I still have over 60 tomatoes..so I made a huge pot of tomato soup..which by the way was excellent...then I made some pico de gallo which I had on a turkey wrap and it rocked..still have tomatoes...so then I 
made a huge pot of salsa..which no one is ever going to be able to eat as it is so hot that my lips are still sore from tasting it last night..and I like hot salsa..but this is......well....I know what Johnny Cash was singing about when he did Ring of Fire...my asshole last night..I still have tomatoes...
Babs who is still high on pain killers gave me a list of things to do with the tomatoes, like run over them with the truck and tell everyone it was a cat...(april fools)..bathe in them...make tomato juice, tomato paste, sauce, etc...and mentioned something about teaching them to attack...speaking of Babs..she called last night to let me know how she is doing...she's up to one hour of computer time now..so she's making progress..
but we were gi
ggling and laughing like 6 year olds...I swear we need to grow up..ha...no way....
So...back to the tomatoes.....I am going to take some and make some bbq sauce and some Italian Sauce..or at least that is my plan...although the way I'm going through the pico.....I may just make another batch of it...damn it's good...I bought a lb. of jalopenas and about 12 onions...all I need is some cilantro...no cilantro in West...dang..
Between working in my little garden and doing all the canning and cooking...I'm fucking Martha Stewart....
yupper...I am....
funny things I found in the paper:
"I don't have sex with my monkey.That's crap."...
Bobby C
rawford, Jr. owner of a rhesus monkey, who claims he was falsely accused of pleasuring his pet primate....
this absolutely needs no input from me..it can stand alone...
More than 2 tons of marijuana was found in a hidden compartment of a tractor-trailer coming into the Unite
d States from Mexico at El Paso,Customs officials said...Where the fuck do you hide 2 tons of marijuana in a tractor-trailer?....
TAlk ABOUT A PANTY RAID...
Garth Flaherty, 24, was charged with 12 counts of bur
glary after police found as many as 1,500 women's undergarments...enough to fill 5 garbage bags...in his Pullman, Washington, home....
Maybe he should consider sending some of them to Brittney .....
Australian group says toad nearly 2 lbs..in Darwin, Asutralia...An enviromental group said it had captured a "monster" toad the size of a small dog. With a body the size of
a football and weighing nearly 2 pounds, the toad is among the largest ever captured in Australia..
OK....the first thing I thought of was...man...now them's some frog legs...when's dinner?
Then my favorite...
THE MOUSE THAT STOLE DENTURES..
Wate
rville, Maine..There's a mouse in Bill Exner's house that he says he has captured three times. Each time, the mouse escaped, and the last time the rodent made off with his lo
wer dentures.
Mr. Exner, 68, said he and his wife, Shirley, scoured his bedroom after the dentures disappeared from his nightstand.
"We moved the bed, moved the dressers and the nightstand adn tore the closet apart," he said." I said, 'I knew that little stinker stole my teeth'...I just knew it."
They found a small opening in a wall where they suspected the mouse was coming and going, and their daughter's fiance, Eric Holt, stepped in to help.
"He bought a crowbar and hammer adn he sawed off a section of wood and pulled up the molding and everything," Mr. Exner said."It was quite a job."
They retrieved the dentures, and Mr. Holt suggested his future father-in-law boil them in peroxide and whatever else he could find to disinfect it.
The mouse apparently isn't done. It frequently comes out and stares at Mr. Exner, his wife said..
"He's taunting him--- I swear he's taunting him," Mrs. Exner said..
Didn't they make a movie about this mouse?...I'm not so sure that I would want to be kissing Mr. Exner if I was Mrs. Exner, with them teeth in his mouth..I don't care WHAT they used to clean them with...eek!..
Well, f
olks....I hope you all are having a lovely day where you're at...Even if it is a beautiful day in your neighborhood...mine is better....I have bluebonnets...
ars for an old broad who's done time)..but that I'm like well, uh...a Jackiesue version of Martha Stewart...got it?West, Texas has h
ad a few days of gully washers...and river washers for that matter..The Brazos is over flooding it's banks in places..it damn near sank our River Queen, the paddle wheel boat restaurant. Water was in the lower floor of one of the river restaurants and washed out many bridges and flooded some homes..We go 9 months with no rain..then get a years quota of rain..in 2 fucking days...Gotta love it...But after 2 days of thun
derstorms, tornados, high winds, and lightning we have had 2 days of glorious sunshine, and high 70's weather...Bluebonnets every where...I are a happy redneck...So yesterday since I couldn't plant any of my new plants or repot anything because of our version of Noah's flood..I did it yesterday...I planted my 2 pineapple plants that my nephew Phillip gave me..he gave me four, but gave one to Margaret and Claudette...I was going to send 2 of them to Lane but she threatened to kick my ass if I did..so M % C got them...then I repotted my aloe vera which was so over grown it was sad...planted some nasty urchins, some more ivy, some sunflowers, and just generally acted like I knew what I was doing..I was so impressive that Margaret and Claudette came out to watch me...we had a little chat while I played in the dirt...I took a bunch of the lose suckers from the aloe vera to the laundry room as I didn't have room for them...one lady took them all..She weighs about 300 lbs and is in one of those 'scooters' and man, she really zips around the parking lot in that thing..she fell in love with Annie and was convienced she could get her to come to her...I told her I would give her $1,000 if she could get her to obey her..she 'kitty kitty kittied and Annie Annie Annied' till she was hoarse..Annie came as far as the end of the truck..and just sat and stared at her...every one in a while she would lick her ass to show her contempt for the human..but she never moved...just stared at her..I was laughing my ass off..Thursday Claudette and I took my truck(never getting in the her car again...ever)...and went to Caritas...we went early and only had to wait about an hour..I got some great things but judas priest..enough bread to put me into a coma...and a case of tomatoes..not canned tomatoes...fresh red ripe tomat
oes...fuck!..so I gave Claudette some(everyone got them but Claudette and she was pissed..heehee)...gave Margaret some and gave Jamie and her Mom some...I still have over 60 tomatoes..so I made a huge pot of tomato soup..which by the way was excellent...then I made some pico de gallo which I had on a turkey wrap and it rocked..still have tomatoes...so then I 
made a huge pot of salsa..which no one is ever going to be able to eat as it is so hot that my lips are still sore from tasting it last night..and I like hot salsa..but this is......well....I know what Johnny Cash was singing about when he did Ring of Fire...my asshole last night..I still have tomatoes...Babs who is still high on pain killers gave me a list of things to do with the tomatoes, like run over them with the truck and tell everyone it was a cat...(april fools)..bathe in them...make tomato juice, tomato paste, sauce, etc...and mentioned something about teaching them to attack...speaking of Babs..she called last night to let me know how she is doing...she's up to one hour of computer time now..so she's making progress..
but we were gi
ggling and laughing like 6 year olds...I swear we need to grow up..ha...no way....So...back to the tomatoes.....I am going to take some and make some bbq sauce and some Italian Sauce..or at least that is my plan...although the way I'm going through the pico.....I may just make another batch of it...damn it's good...I bought a lb. of jalopenas and about 12 onions...all I need is some cilantro...no cilantro in West...dang..
Between working in my little garden and doing all the canning and cooking...I'm fucking Martha Stewart....
yupper...I am....
funny things I found in the paper:
"I don't have sex with my monkey.That's crap."...
Bobby C
rawford, Jr. owner of a rhesus monkey, who claims he was falsely accused of pleasuring his pet primate....this absolutely needs no input from me..it can stand alone...
More than 2 tons of marijuana was found in a hidden compartment of a tractor-trailer coming into the Unite
d States from Mexico at El Paso,Customs officials said...Where the fuck do you hide 2 tons of marijuana in a tractor-trailer?....TAlk ABOUT A PANTY RAID...
Garth Flaherty, 24, was charged with 12 counts of bur
glary after police found as many as 1,500 women's undergarments...enough to fill 5 garbage bags...in his Pullman, Washington, home....Maybe he should consider sending some of them to Brittney .....
Australian group says toad nearly 2 lbs..in Darwin, Asutralia...An enviromental group said it had captured a "monster" toad the size of a small dog. With a body the size of
a football and weighing nearly 2 pounds, the toad is among the largest ever captured in Australia..OK....the first thing I thought of was...man...now them's some frog legs...when's dinner?
Then my favorite...
THE MOUSE THAT STOLE DENTURES..
Wate
rville, Maine..There's a mouse in Bill Exner's house that he says he has captured three times. Each time, the mouse escaped, and the last time the rodent made off with his lo
wer dentures.Mr. Exner, 68, said he and his wife, Shirley, scoured his bedroom after the dentures disappeared from his nightstand.
"We moved the bed, moved the dressers and the nightstand adn tore the closet apart," he said." I said, 'I knew that little stinker stole my teeth'...I just knew it."
They found a small opening in a wall where they suspected the mouse was coming and going, and their daughter's fiance, Eric Holt, stepped in to help.
"He bought a crowbar and hammer adn he sawed off a section of wood and pulled up the molding and everything," Mr. Exner said."It was quite a job."
They retrieved the dentures, and Mr. Holt suggested his future father-in-law boil them in peroxide and whatever else he could find to disinfect it.
The mouse apparently isn't done. It frequently comes out and stares at Mr. Exner, his wife said..
"He's taunting him--- I swear he's taunting him," Mrs. Exner said..
Didn't they make a movie about this mouse?...I'm not so sure that I would want to be kissing Mr. Exner if I was Mrs. Exner, with them teeth in his mouth..I don't care WHAT they used to clean them with...eek!..
Well, f
olks....I hope you all are having a lovely day where you're at...Even if it is a beautiful day in your neighborhood...mine is better....I have bluebonnets...
16 comments:
I can see the mouse with them teeth in it's gob just giving a big shit eating grin and a two finger salute to the Exners.
You know, the Partridge Family had to bathe in tomato juice after they got sprayed by that skunk that got in the bus. Do they have skunks in Texas? I know they didn't in North Carolina which was odd. I'd kill for some of those tomatos. They're very expensive up here. And doesn't it figure about the rain....feast or famine.
Heh--I wouldn't break my 8 years with no sex for Martha Stewart, but I might consider it for David Cassidy, since briteyellowgun mentioned the Partridge Family. Probably not, but it would be more likely with him than with Martha!
Wow I love tomatoes! Lol Send some over my way. I could make a mean taco salad for yah! Have a good one!
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!!! It was a movie, JS. Silly woman.
hey there js!
I have been doing the martha stewart thing myself this weekend. . not so much potting... as I live in the cold cold north....lol..but i cleaned like mad . It is just amazing how much dog hair can hide under my bed.
I did go and look longingly at little plants.. what should I plant under that damned tree? maybe some of those nasty urchins?
have a good one..
Damn! I thought I was going to get to read an x rated post.
I could think of something to do with those tomatoes. I mean the gump might pass through or that Perry fella. You have to wait until they get soft and mushy though. We would all visit you in jail I'm sure.
It has been pretty nice up here and today is going to be 72 and tomorrow 81. After that it will be 40s and 50s in the daytime and 20s and 30s at night for about a week with rain.
Screwy weathers gonna kill all the flowers coming up in the garden.
Now I have to get a lock box for my teeth when I sleep.
I think a lot of animals are proving evolution. Got the smart ass mouse and the monkeys that now use spears and eat meat.
I hope the aliens come soon and give us space travel so we can go fuck up some other planets. :)
apos:'..he's tauting him he's taunting him...'cracked me up..
byg:we not only have skunks in texas..we have one around here..woke up the other morning and thought one was in the house it smelled so strong..had to go shut all the windows...think he was after my pineapple plants..they are expensive here too...and I am loving all this cooking them up...finally made sauce last night..it doesn't look like ragu..but damn..it tastes good..yup..after 2 days of sunshine...it's going to be cloudy and rainy the next few days..rats..
cheesemeister:ah ha..another abstainer....
cherlee:I love tomatoes too.when my granddaughter jamie said she and her boyfriend didn't like them I was stunned..how can anyone NOT like tomatoes..
Babs: oh silly girl...I knew that..Stever McQueen played in the movie..or was that the blob????damn...old farts desease...
Kath:nasty urchins are great for shaded areas too..they are so hearty and tough..they make great crawlers and grown cover...
Nitwit:all my posts are x-rated..
I do think animals are getting smarter...or we're getting dumber..yeah, I'm ready to go fuck up another planet too...this one is going to hell in a handbasket...
That mouse thief story gave me the WILLIES!
I love that you're Martha Stewarting all over the place. Can those maters! Make that salsa hot! Who cares if people burn their lips trying your concoctions?
Maybe you should can some tomatoes and put them back for later. My grandma cans salsa, and that stuff is so good!
I love dim maters! And stuff made with them, I guess it's nearly time to plant some.
those goddammed mice and rats'll steal anything that isn't nailed down.
kill a rat or mouse for me.
hahaha it took me awhile to get past Martha Stewart ! whew
holy tomato - you guys got maters already??!
buddha_girl:I made salsa, pico de gallo and italian sauce...the pico de gallo is the best..have it on turkey wraps, on my eggs, on beans, veggies, everything...I drew the line at putting it on my oatmeal...
Pixie:yup, Annie has her own way of dealing with humans...
normy: did just that...have a freezer full of the stuff now..
tex: too bad your not closer...I have it coming out my anal canal..
the rube:Annie loooooves killing mice, birds, lizzards, squirells, and anything else she can get her fangs into..
tina:got them free from Caritas...they were lacking in flavor but jalopenas, salt and seasonings sure fixed that..
We curmudgeons have realized that bitching is better than sex! >;)
I had mice the first year I moved into my place. But I also have five cats. I think once the mice started smelling the cats it deterred them.
One morning my cat Raymond brought me a lovely mouse ass and laid it down on my pillow. When I first woke up I thought he was bringing me one of his catnip mice that he'd utterly destroyed. Guess again! I shrieked to raise the dead. But then I praised him because I was glad he was catching mice. And then I put on a medical glove, knocked the mouse ass into a dustpan, and took it out to the garbage.
Ah, the joys of nature...
The mouse might have been someone Mr. Exner knew in a previous life. Perhaps a dentist?
My cat is very private and can tell if you're watching him lick his ass... he stops what he's doing and looks at you like "Do you mind?"
I don't think he's proud of what he does.
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