Before I get started, I have some advice for you cat owners. Don't give your cat fresh catnip and then expect her to play nice. I have scratches all over my hands from Annie's latest attack...I thought it would be fun to get her high on catnip and then throw bird feathers in the air. When your a stoned kitty, you don't know the difference(or care) between fingers and feathers. Also she can jump 2 1/2 feet in the air and still grab you with all 4 paws. Just saying.
Okay...the reunion..Aunt Leola(Wowo.pronounced whoawhoa) had called me back in Sept. and told me the reunion was in Mesquite on Nov. 2nd at my Uncle Hick's house. Even though he is my last living uncle, he is my least favorite..You think I'M OPINIONATED? He makes me look like a monk. He's an asshole..pure and simple and have told him so on many occasions..So I think I accidentally on purpose forgot..So she calls to remind me and because I adore and actually owe her my life and want to see her even if that means putting up with my asshole uncle I wanted to go. Even though if I even head out on I-35 North I get a panic attack, I'm going . Even though the Cowboys are playing the Giants and I'll miss watching the game(no big loss there as it happened) I'm going. Even though the gas is a lot cheaper I don't want to use my gas to go to Mesquite, Texas..I'm going. So..I went..I get on I-35 North and I took a deep breath, I think I let it out at Waxahachie, Texas. Took another deep breath and let it out when I saw my cousin Deborah( I got religion you don't) in uncle Hick's driveway.
When I pulled up and parked and took up 2 spaces she said you park like a woman. I said 'no, I park like Jackiesue, where ever the fuck I want.'...the game was on.
My 85 year old aunt's red Mustang was parked there in all it's fiery glory. Deborah had bought her and her mother one last year. First thing I asked Wowo was 'where's the gun?' She said in the trunk, no it's in the house, I took it out of the car Halloween because I was home alone and wanted to make sure if there were any tricks to be played I was prepared.'...
I was really excited to see some of my cousins that showed up as I haven't seen some of them in over 10 years. Like my cousin Billy Jack(he and I were named after the same uncle Jack, along with our cousin Bruce Jack.)(I'm just glad I wasn't named after Uncle Hick...I'd be Hickey Sue ...eeek!) and his daughter Ginger, who is sooo like me. Loud, funny and profane. Has 2 boys, one who she says is a normal kid and the other has too much Roycroft in him to be anything but crazy. Which I understand perfectly. The Roycroft's aren't exactly what you would call normal by any stretch. I got to meet her husband who is smart, funny and really cute. Plus he and Ginger were voting for Obama. Or as my Uncle Hick called him, 'that black man'. sigh* I love my Aunt Wowo too much to ask her who she was going to vote for...you know what I mean?..They all did have a great laugh over my Born Again Pagan and the My Goddess gave birth to your God bumper stickers. We do have a sense of humor us Roycroft's.
Uncle Hick said he had an autographed picture of George Bush the first and his lovely wife Babs and would I like to see it? I said no.............then I'd have to poke out both my eyes with a number 2 pencil. The game was going into the ninth inning.
I saw his certificate from the Republican Party for 'all his help'..I said what did you do, stuff ballot boxes?...He then re- mined me of the last time we got together in 2004 after the election when he got to rub it in that Bush had won reelection. I said and do you remember what I said to you Uncle Hick?...fuck you, Uncle Hick. We were going into extra innings, but we called a time out to eat. We had some good grub, chicken, every kind of potato, macaroni, chicken salad you could imagine. Ginger brought her mothers recipe of cabbage and it was absolutely wonderful. I looove cooked cabbage with bacon and onions. Now you have to know that with the exception of Aunt Wowo, Ginger, her mom, Debrah and me, the entire family is obese. My cousin Billy Jack has doubled in girth since I last saw him. He and Uncle Hick both use walkers and scooters to get around. The rest of the cousins are as bad. So every one is diabetic, eating fried chicken, kolaches, ( I brought 3 dozen kolaches), cherry cream cheese, macaroni, potato salad, etc. like it was the last supper. And..now get this...everyone of them has either had or is going to get the by pass surgery. When everyone commented on my weight loss, they asked if I had the surgery. I said nope, I just quit eating carbs and sweets and went back to work for exercise and just watch what I eat. You could have heard a mouse fart...I'm sure THAT never occurred to them
It was great to see all my kinfolk, no matter what they think or say or how they vote. Uncle Hick is my Daddy's brother and he may not have liked them all the time, he always loved them. So in keeping with my Daddy's loving heart I told Uncle Hick that when Obama beat McCain for President, he could call me and say fuck you Jackiesue....Game over...out of the park, with bases loaded.
Finally about 3:30 I decided to head back to West, Aunt Wowo was leaving and Goddess knows I didn't want to stay there with Uncle Hick any longer, as I knew he'd want to have the last word and I was leaving while I still had it.
It took me an hour and 10 minutes to get from West to Mesquite. It took me 3 hours to get back. Well, there was more traffic, but the fact is...I was listening to the Cowboys play absolutely horrible on the radio and I'm yelling and screaming at the radio, banging my head on the steering wheel, to look up and see my turn go by, have to get off, get back on and then I'd do it all over again. I must have missed my turn offs 6 different time, once I got on the road going back to Mesquite and was so into the game didn't notice it until I saw my Uncle's turnoff, and had to turn around and go all the way back. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK! So it took me 3 hours to drive 90 something miles..But who the fuck cares...I got the last word in on my asshole uncle...Life is good.