I'm a liberal pagan living in West,Texas..yes that West,Texas

Sunday, November 09, 2008


Before I get started, I have some advice for you cat owners. Don't give your cat fresh catnip and then expect her to play nice. I have scratches all over my hands from Annie's latest attack...I thought it would be fun to get her high on catnip and then throw bird feathers in the air. When your a stoned kitty, you don't know the difference(or care) between fingers and feathers. Also she can jump 2 1/2 feet in the air and still grab you with all 4 paws. Just saying.
Okay...the reunion..Aunt Leola(Wowo.pronounced whoawhoa) had called me back in Sept. and told me the reunion was in Mesquite on Nov. 2nd at my Uncle Hick's house. Even though he is my last living uncle, he is my least favorite..You think I'M OPINIONATED? He makes me look like a monk. He's an asshole..pure and simple and have told him so on many occasions..So I think I accidentally on purpose forgot..So she calls to remind me and because I adore and actually owe her my life and want to see her even if that means putting up with my asshole uncle I wanted to go. Even though if I even head out on I-35 North I get a panic attack, I'm going . Even though the Cowboys are playing the Giants and I'll miss watching the game(no big loss there as it happened) I'm going. Even though the gas is a lot cheaper I don't want to use my gas to go to Mesquite, Texas..I'm going. So..I went..I get on I-35 North and I took a deep breath, I think I let it out at Waxahachie, Texas. Took another deep breath and let it out when I saw my cousin Deborah( I got religion you don't) in uncle Hick's driveway.

When I pulled up and parked and took up 2 spaces she said you park like a woman. I said 'no, I park like Jackiesue, where ever the fuck I want.'...the game was on.
My 85 year old aunt's red Mustang was parked there in all it's fiery glory. Deborah had bought her and her mother one last year. First thing I asked Wowo was 'where's the gun?' She said in the trunk, no it's in the house, I took it out of the car Halloween because I was home alone and wanted to make sure if there were any tricks to be played I was prepared.'...
I was really excited to see some of my cousins that showed up as I haven't seen some of them in over 10 years. Like my cousin Billy Jack(he and I were named after the same uncle Jack, along with our cousin Bruce Jack.)(I'm just glad I wasn't named after Uncle Hick...I'd be Hickey Sue ...eeek!) and his daughter Ginger, who is sooo like me. Loud, funny and profane. Has 2 boys, one who she says is a normal kid and the other has too much Roycroft in him to be anything but crazy. Which I understand perfectly. The Roycroft's aren't exactly what you would call normal by any stretch. I got to meet her husband who is smart, funny and really cute. Plus he and Ginger were voting for Obama. Or as my Uncle Hick called him, 'that black man'. sigh* I love my Aunt Wowo too much to ask her who she was going to vote for...you know what I mean?..They all did have a great laugh over my Born Again Pagan and the My Goddess gave birth to your God bumper stickers. We do have a sense of humor us Roycroft's.
Uncle Hick said he had an autographed picture of George Bush the first and his lovely wife Babs and would I like to see it? I said no.............then I'd have to poke out both my eyes with a number 2 pencil. The game was going into the ninth inning.

I saw his certificate from the Republican Party for 'all his help'..I said what did you do, stuff ballot boxes?...He then re- mined me of the last time we got together in 2004 after the election when he got to rub it in that Bush had won reelection. I said and do you remember what I said to you Uncle Hick?...fuck you, Uncle Hick. We were going into extra innings, but we called a time out to eat. We had some good grub, chicken, every kind of potato, macaroni, chicken salad you could imagine. Ginger brought her mothers recipe of cabbage and it was absolutely wonderful. I looove cooked cabbage with bacon and onions. Now you have to know that with the exception of Aunt Wowo, Ginger, her mom, Debrah and me, the entire family is obese. My cousin Billy Jack has doubled in girth since I last saw him. He and Uncle Hick both use walkers and scooters to get around. The rest of the cousins are as bad. So every one is diabetic, eating fried chicken, kolaches, ( I brought 3 dozen kolaches), cherry cream cheese, macaroni, potato salad, etc. like it was the last supper. And..now get this...everyone of them has either had or is going to get the by pass surgery. When everyone commented on my weight loss, they asked if I had the surgery. I said nope, I just quit eating carbs and sweets and went back to work for exercise and just watch what I eat. You could have heard a mouse fart...I'm sure THAT never occurred to them
It was great to see all my kinfolk, no matter what they think or say or how they vote. Uncle Hick is my Daddy's brother and he may not have liked them all the time, he always loved them. So in keeping with my Daddy's loving heart I told Uncle Hick that when Obama beat McCain for President, he could call me and say fuck you Jackiesue....Game over...out of the park, with bases loaded.
Finally about 3:30 I decided to head back to West, Aunt Wowo was leaving and Goddess knows I didn't want to stay there with Uncle Hick any longer, as I knew he'd want to have the last word and I was leaving while I still had it.
It took me an hour and 10 minutes to get from West to Mesquite. It took me 3 hours to get back. Well, there was more traffic, but the fact is...I was listening to the Cowboys play absolutely horrible on the radio and I'm yelling and screaming at the radio, banging my head on the steering wheel, to look up and see my turn go by, have to get off, get back on and then I'd do it all over again. I must have missed my turn offs 6 different time, once I got on the road going back to Mesquite and was so into the game didn't notice it until I saw my Uncle's turnoff, and had to turn around and go all the way back. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK! So it took me 3 hours to drive 90 something miles..But who the fuck cares...I got the last word in on my asshole uncle...Life is good.



by the way the pictures are from my $10 digital camera from Family Dollar..it sucks bites and blows..taking it back.

MarmiteToasty said...

Shit, I thought I was loosing me bloody sight, I stared and stared at the photos trying to focus, in the end I had to ask my Jacob if they was out of focus or if I was going blind and was gonna need to ask ToriZ or tips....

Family aye, who the bloody hell needs em :) - funny funny story..


khan said...

i once won an argument with an asshole --or at least shut him up for a while if not once and for all. after wasting many words in the ongoing back-and-forth, i said "you're just a little man with a bad case of get-the-last-word syndrome".

he was speechless, didn't know whether to shit or go blind. and i walked away.

Galt-in-Da-Box said...

Sounds like you had a ball.


sorry, i shouldn't have even posted the pictures they came out so bad...did anyone notice my new profile on the side bar?..finally got ole george out of there.

rainywalker said...

Well there are always the inlaws and the outlaws. But I always enjoy the food and lies.

more cowbell said...

I haven't had the nerve to call my parents (Ohio Republicans) since the election. My dad was already going on about Comrade Obama 3 weeks back. I'm just not ready to go there yet.

My Seahawks suck football ass this year. It's because I've been too damned busy to send them good energy this year, I know it.

sageweb said...

Ginger is HOT! I would have loved to be a fly on the wall at your uncles when they announced Obama as the winner.

Robin said...

Wow! I thought it was just me that took a hiatus form bloggin during this historical election! Apperently not!

My patent observations about nothing seemed innocuous but my goddess Jackie, no victory party for Obama here?

I was about to say that's "so not like you..." But ya know, it's just like you!

Loved the family reunion recap...I'm sure I'll have one to share here shortyly! As always, missed, glad you didn't change during my absence! (like that could happen!)

Heidi said...

I know all too well what you mean about the catnip. Cartier got hopped up on catnip and practically bit my ear off in the middle of the night.

I thought you took the pics on your camera phone because the ones I take on the camera phone always look grainy. Your reunion sounded like fun, even if you had some republicans in your midst. LOL. Have I ever mentioned how awesome I think it is you're blue when you're in a state that is majorly red?

Nit Wit said...

So, did your uncle call? You gave him a way to get the last word in.
Your Aunt must have been looking forward to the show you and your Uncle put on when you talked politics.
Free entertainment is always a plus at gatherings.

texlahoma said...

Sounds like some good grub.
I think your drive back home qualifies you to be a taxi driver.

Deanna said...

Every family has an Uncle Hick and cousin Deborah. My dad had 12 brothers and sisters. Believe you me there was more than one Uncle Hick and a whole lot of cousin Deborahs. Aren't family great....

Anonymous said...

I laughed when you described how stunner your relatives were when you told them your secret for weight loss. Mine is essentially the same. When asked how I stay so slim, I always just tell the truth: "I don't eat more than my body needs." I try not to sound snotty, but I'm sure it sounds that way. Congratulations on all your good choices re your health.


Anonymous said...

PS: Lately, whenever I try to use the Open ID function for my LJ addy, Blogger won't publish my comment. Any idea what's up?


Anonymous said...



Allan said...

I love your answer to the bypass question!

tsduff said...

the "fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck chant seems to work well in dire straits... thanks for the reminder :D

Rox said...

I'm glad you were able to get together with the fam. That always makes for good blog fodder! LOL!


rainy:there is always the food...and blogging posts..
more cowbell:oh im sorry in my family we would already be fighting and not speaking to each other..we love it.
sage:she really is beautiful and a karate champion..can kick some serious ass.
robin:oh there was plenty of celebrating here..glad your back.even if you did vote for the creepy old dude..ha
rudegirl: i returned that crappy camera and cut annie back on the capnip..ha..
i love being blue in a red state..makes for some interesting conversations..
nitwit:no i knew he wouldn't call..but i sent him an email today and asked him if he happened to know who won the election..and signed it your not so favorite niece..
life is good.
tex:yah, in new york city..ahha..
punkn:like i always say..you can pick your friens, you can pick your friends nose, you can pick your friends nose and wipe it on his saddle, but you can't pick your relatives.
regality:yeah, doing things the healthy and hard way, never occured to them..lazy farts.
and i dont know why it won't take open id it should..i'll check it out..
allan:i was smug the rest of the visit.
tsduff:i have my friend sooner for the fuckity fuck fuck ..i loved it so much i stole it and added a fuck..
rox:yeah, they do make for good intertainment..

Cie Cheesemeister said...

My great aunts are on the other side driving whatever entities they can find crazy. They were a couple of very opinionated first generation Lithuanian-American New Yawk Catholics. I got $500 inheritance from my great-aunt Isabelle's will. It's sad--she saved all her life so she could have a good retirement and most of it went to medical bills and the nursing home. I was just glad that the opinionated old bat died peaceful. That sounds terrible I know. I actually loved my great aunts--but they were opinionated old bats!

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