I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Thursday, September 18, 2008

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JACKIE

So I'm off work after doing my 4 hours of time at the good ole Family Dollar and I'm on the way to the West Elementary School, as the kids had an assignment of doing models of any business in West, and there were a couple of Family Dollar Stores in the mix and I wanted to go see them for my ownself. Of course I get stopped by one of the numerous trains that trundle through town about 15 times a day. I figure well, what the hell, while I'm sitting her I'll do my vaginal strengthening exercises, just in case I do get laid I'll be able to participate in the catch and release program. Catch him.....let him go..Catch him...let him go...catch him...let him go..That's what I keep saying in time with each squeeze..squeeze in...catch him...relax, let him go...Some times I really do amuse myself.
I go to the school which is exactly the same as when I used to take Jenny and Jamie to school and pick them up...I told them I was there from Family Dollar to see the models the kids had made of our store. They were so excited that I would go up there to see them. Let me tell you...I was just so impressed..There were about 50 of them...all lined up along both sides of the hall...Models, of KD's BBQ, Family Dollar, Czech Stop, Czech American Restaurant, Sulak's, Community Grocery Store, City Hall, Greg May's Auto Sales, etc. It was fecking amazing. Some of them were just little cardboard boxes painted with the stores name on them..But some of them like one of the Greg May's Auto Sales was huge, with 15 or 20 different cars in the lot in front, and most of the business's had cars parked in front, and the had grass, trees, people in the stores..It was so cool. While I was standing there oohing and aahing, a bunch of kids came out and were standing in line to go outside for recess and I asked them if they had made some of them and they said yes, and I started clapping my hands and said bravo, bravo...congratulations, you are just so talented and I'm so excited about how great it all looks...They were giggling and laughing so proud of themselves..and I heard one say, look it's the Family Dollar lady, and one of them said 'That's my Aunt Grandma.'...So now the kids that used to call me Aunt Grandma have kids calling me Aunt Grandma...Which let me tell you...is pretty fecking cool..
Charlotte the apartment manager brought me over some red chili's and okra from her garden and I made a batch of okra fritters. She was amazed..said she would never have thought to mix okra and fritter mix to make them..I love the cooking channel, which gives me great ideas and then I redo them my way. This may be my best batch yet..If any one's interesting in making them, email me and I'll send the recipe, 'cause they do kick ass.
I have cedar fever. The winds are blowing(15 miles or so) and they are coming from the mountains and the cedar trees are red, which means I'm a sneezing, coughing hacking walking talking snot rag. I have sore throat, congested chest, stuffy, runny nose.(never been able to understand how you're nose can be stuffed up and runny at the same time) I'm sneezing, coughing and spitting up things that look like the staring role in 'The Blob'. To say I feel like hammered shit is an understatement. What pisses me off is I can't take anything for it as it makes my blood sugar go up...fuckity fuck fuck fuck!.
I went by Caritas, because they were having books on sale for 1/2 price..I'm such a sucker for a book sale. Tom said I have traded my addiction to booze and drugs to books...Wonder if there is a 12 step program for book junkies. Any how I bought a book on 9-11 and terror (can't remember the name and already donated it to the library) and was autographed by the author..for .50cents...whoot. I got 2 books on Stenciling, a book on making home made pillows, one on natural remedies, one on good eating for good health, book on holiday touches for country homes, Live From New York, an uncensored history of Saturday Night Live(for .50fuckingcents), 6 plays by Lillian Hellman, The Center of Everything by Laura Moriarty, Atlantis by Thomas Greanias, and a bunch of pop up books for the library..One was on dinasours, one was 5 mini books of pop up Christmas stories, and one was Christmas Traditions for kids..And one on Lion cubs..$16 ...well, I also paid .25 cents for a tiny silver bowl that I'm going to put Annies food in..I can't wait to read the book on Saturday Night Live.
I'm going to go grill some fish, veggies and salad for dinner..I'm so thrilled at the thought of more fish I don't know if I should spit or jackoff. I'd leave you with that picture in your head, but the entire time I have been doing this post, I've been doing my catch and release exercises...squeeze, catch...relax ...release...catch ...release...catch...release..catch..
release.


19 comments:

Nan said...

"catch and release." LMAO. You do have a way with words.

jan said...

I will never be able to wait for a train again without doing catch...release...

In fact it's hard to write a comment without doing...catch...release...

sageweb said...

Wow what a day and your vagina gets a work out. You are so flippin funny. I had tears in my eyes reading this post.

Babs said...

You're supposed to release?

Robin said...

Catching, releasing, catching, releasing....I'm on a roll. I could probably catch and release Kiegel's ass by now! Too funny!

I think it's so sweet that you took time out to check out the kid's efforts, and applaud them. Yea for you! I've never had kids, but I am a favorite psuedo-aunt to many. I dig kids...don't want any...but everytime I can sit and talk, actually talk, with them...I get a great perspective!

And, as you know, I'm a blog newbie (okay, 6 months shouldn't qualify as newbie, but computer illiterate does!) So, is there some freaky way I can email you? You would soooo love the jalapeno pickle relish and jelly! And I really must have the okra fritter recipe! Tell me how!

Love your post. Butthead is visiting...you know? The guy who doesn't like you but has your SE's dick in a wrinter so SE is a dick too? I want to stay up to see if they rub wieners because this is the only person that comes to visit that makes SE act like an ass. So I avoid it...and come read you!

regality3 said...

I wonder how many of the really great models were actually made by the parents. Times are different now. Parents don't seem to understand that homework is for the kids, not a parental competition. *sigh*

"Catch and release" Whoooeee!!!

Cheesemeister said...

I like the sound of okra fritters!

That Rude Girl said...

Catch and release...

Omigod, you crack me up! I love you, Jackie Sue! :)

yellowdog granny said...

nan, somtimes i amaze myself at the many ways my mind works..
jan, and once you start, you can't quit.
sage:i was cracking up laughing the whole time i was writing it..
babs, NOW THAT'S FUNNY!
robin, it was really cool to see them, and you could tell, they did it themselves..and yeah, the email address is yellowdoggranny@yahoo.com
do email me, i really want that jalopeno relish recipe and will send you the okra fritter one.
no one says you have to be nice to a butthead..he's se's friend, not yours..and if he takes your chair..tell him to get out.
regality3, like i said.i think they really did it..you could tell it was done by kids, no matter how cool lookig they were, it was kid stuff.
cheesy:it's good stuff, think you'd like it.
rudegirl, im so glad you liked it..i had visions of you reading it out loud to john and both of you cracking up..

Roxrocks said...

Ooooh the Holiday Touches for The Country Home book sounds good! I've got the crafting spirit lately...although I don't have the ambition. Go figure.

I love that you went up to the school...you are a cool lady and I'm glad you're my adoptive mom. :)

Anne Johnson said...

I can't even get okra around here. I am totally jonesing for some.

However, it is possible for me to do vaginal exercises. Some days they're the only thing that keep me going.

Nit Wit said...

I'm deprived (Or is that depraved?) being an outie instead of an innie if I do my exercises in public I might get arrested. Unless I'm in Congress that is.
The Boss goes to Pittsburg this afternoon to bring home the Number one son for a two week break.
I think Babs adventures are giving you subconscious desires and you are preparing just in case.
It's great that you encourage the kids so much and do so much for the library.
They just today got the last of the thousands of people here their power back. We didn't get much rain but we had 75 mp winds that did more damage here than you seem to have gotten in West.
Nothing compared to Galveston though.

LostInCO said...

You just know how to crack me up! My goodness. I too have been a stuffed up snotty mess this week. Its such a pain. That is so cool the kids know you as aunt grandma!

catscratch said...

I really think you are adorable. You take everything in stride.

Maybe I should start taking notes.

rosemary said...

if you find that bookaholics group let me know....I'll go with you. As for okra and chilies....umm I'll pass....they look good but I'd be on the throne for days. How many calories do you burn say with 100 reps of catch and release....has to be worth the effort.

billy pilgrim said...

being unaware of the catch and release technique, i googled it.

guess who was # 6 on vaginal catch and release. the feckin yellow dog!

i still can't figure it out.

yellowdog granny said...

rox:it was so cool to GO to the school...they did such great work..and family dollar looked good in cardboard...im glad your my adopted daughter.
anne:maybe i can freeze some and send it to you...yeah, you can do the exercises anywhere..even in new jersey.
nitwit:yeah, the boy's coming home..great for all..
bet the boss makes him all his favorite dishes..
i love my little library and always am buying books for it..and the kids deserved the attention.
its' weird how you guys and so many other states got hit worse by ike and we were so much closer. we didn't even get an inch of rain...and winds only were about 35 miles per hour..
lic:yeah, fell bad that i didn't recognize the kid that new me as aunt grandma..i think it was victoria's girl..wow..time flies.
catscratch:takes a lot to throw me for a loop...and i've had a lot thrown at me...what doesn't kill me...just makes me pissed off.
rosemary:just step away from the books..ha..jalapeno's would have to make me bleed from the ears before i would not eat them...good stuff maynard..
billy:i googled it and now i'm 11 on the list..ha...how strange is that..one day and im on the list for vaginal catch and release..hahahah

Josh said...

Wow, er, um... I feel awkward now.

mrsb said...

I am such a book whore. I'm trying to slow down until I get another book shelf, though.