I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Monday, September 29, 2008

THE GODDESS SAYS:


Crunch time is here...so brace yourself for your answers.
Billy Pilgrim, no it's not a fucking lamp, I think it's called a floor lamp.
Sage wants to know if she will be able to hold back her laughter and herself during the Vice Presidential debate. Of course not, how could you? I'll be rolling on the floor with laughter my self, watching Biden tear her a new ice hole.
Woozie wants to know why he's gay. This is a easy question. Each human is given 3 separate lives. One life as a male, one as a female and one gay. It's to give you insight into other people and their differences and make you more understanding so that you will be a complete soul when you go to Valhalla. Some people don't get it even after 3 lives, and they just go straight (no pun intended)to Hel and freeze their asses off for eternity.
You have already been a man and a woman, so after this life you'll enter Valhalla and sit at the table by me. Although Loki wants to sit on your other side..seems he's very fond of you .
Lost in Colorado: wants to know what is the unified theory of gravity. Finally a question worth of the Goddess. Beats the fuck out of me. I didn't use a blue print when I created everything..it was sort of slap dash...which explains the duckbill platypus, I think I was hung over the day I came up with that idea. Plus there was some talk about putting a woman's breasts on the back to help men steer while dancing, but decided to use them as feeders instead.
Buddhagirl wants to know when the Yellow Dog will be well. Well, being a term not generally associated with the Yellow Dog, but she is going back to work Tuesday.
Anne Johnson wants to know the leader of the club for you and me....M ....I ....C...K....E...Y. ..M...O...U...S....E. But you all knew that didn't you?
Peejay wants to know why her boobs aren't as perky as mine. Because I'm the Goddess and you're not.
Jan is still pissed at me for being so snippy with you last time and wants to know a good question. She then came up with this one:"Does the Goddess pass gas, you know ...fart."
Well, of course, you can't eat as much cheese and meat as We do(yes, the Royal We) and drink as much as We do without fating...What do you think all those black holes are in space. My farts. But a Goddess's farts don't stink, they smell like new grass. Or that's what Odin tells me.
Elizabeth wants to know when the Yellow Dog will feel better, so I asked her and she said 'When Obama is in the White House.'..
Lily Strange just wants good health for her son and the Yellow Dog......................done.
Josh, wants to know if he should quit his job because they fired his friend. With the state of the economy on this world I'd make sure you had another job before you quit this one. I think everyone should work at a job that makes their heart sing. Life is much too short to slave at a job that sucks out your soul. Remember you only have 3 lives.
Joy wants to know if Sarah Palin is a real person or a barbie doll with accessories. I'm not sure you could call her 'real'. She's human...but she's going to be one of those that the 3 lives aren't going to be enough to cleanse her soul. She's going straight to Hel.
That Rude Girl wants to know how long it will take Sarah Palin to start trying to get rid of McCain if they make it to the White House. First of all, they're not going to the White House, but if I was McAsshole, I'd get a food taster.
Regality3 wants to know how much responsibility I take for smelly navels and bad backs. Zip, zero, zilch, nada, none. It's not my fault your navel is so nasty you spend all your free time bent over picking lint out of it.
BiPolarlife 's mom is coming and she wants to know if she should be good and listen to her whine about the men she's dating, or just get her drunk. I'd get her drunk and fix her up with a new man.
I have to go now...Dancing With The Stars is on and Loki promises to trip up some of the dancers and I can't wait to see Cloris Leachman gallop across the floor.
Blessings on you my children...go in peace and sin no more.

19 comments:

rainywalker said...

ydg,
It looked like the lamp I broke when I was 17. Knowing a guys hormones, I would have known if I was handling anything but glass.

Roxrocks said...

Ahhh I wanted to ask the Goddess something but I didn't want to tax her precious soul.

Great answers as always!

sageweb said...

Oh wow...good laughs for Thursday night. I wish I could be in your living room with you...we would laugh are asses off. I think it will be a belly buster.

Anne Johnson said...

O Great Goddess! You are indeed far greater than God Almighty! I posed the same question to him, and HE BLEW IT! And you nailed it without breaking a sweat. To you I pledge my love and faith, to you be all glory forever and ever, SO MOTE IT BEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Woozie said...

Fuckin awesome. This revelation was a nice supplement to what happened on Sunday. And just what does this Loki look like, hm?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

In my next life, I'm coming back as a tranny.

That Rude Girl said...

First of all, they're not going to the White House, but if I was McAsshole, I'd get a food taster.

Oh, that's great, Goddess. I love it!

bipolarlife said...

I'm filling up the liquor cabinet now and will see if I can find someone for her. He'd better be pretty together or she'll kick his ass. I also humbly mention that I'm a guy and one on his third life. I thank the Goddess for that.

Nit Wit said...

Why oh why did I forget to ask a question. Just askin.
After my first go round at lives am I aloud to have a do-over?

LostInCO said...

oh fudge. I was hoping you remembered. Then I could write a paper about it, and get rich and famous. oh well...

Nan said...

Food taster, heck. If McSame and Failin' manage to steal the election the geezer will get shoved under a limo before the inauguration parade is over.

Intense Guy said...

Rats, I was going to ask a question but couldn't type at the time.

My keyboard could use a couple handles -

evilganome said...

Okay. First thanks for the answers oh Goddess. But, now I have a question. Being gay I am going to be blowing this pop stand for good from the sounds of things.

Do I still get to have sex in Valhalla? I mean, the Catholics don't get any heaven nooky, so if I get to continue to get my freak on in Valhalla, you are definitely getting my vote for supreme deity.

yellowdog granny said...

rainywalker:it really is a weird picture..
rox:she'll be back..think she's going to start coming by more often, she's really interested in the elections. So maybe in a week or so.
sage:everyone will get a good laugh out of it except the republicans which makes it even more funny...ahahhaahha
anne:ahh, it was nothing...any old fart worth his/her worth knows the theme to mickey mouse..
woozie:loki looks like what ever you want him to look like..he is the trickster you know.
mighty dyckerson:ok..so you get 4 lives..
rudegirl:the goddess is mighty embarrased for the females for having her as a choice for anything other than dog catcher..and for being vp and could be president...she's pissed...i expect her to smite someone.
bipolarlife:oops.think she thought you were already on a different life...
nitwit:the goddess wondered where you were...that's what the other 2 lives are for...do overs..till you get it right..
lic:she never takes notes..and swears her only mistake is not telling her followers to fight back and kick the catholics asses when they came to ireland..
nan:i agree...
intenseguy:she'll be back next monday to take questions again..
evilgnome:oh there is lots of sex, lots of drinks and lots of food...and all your pets are there..funny thing?...not many catholics..all those do overs in confessions sort of piss the goddess off.
valhalla is better than heaven...food, drink, sex, animals, and very few politicians...

yellowdog granny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
texlahoma said...

I guess I'm a little late to ask why the University of Texas football helmets have a uterus on them.

yellowdog granny said...

because they get more pussy than oklahoma

Josh said...

Excellent advice as always. :)

yellowdog granny said...

josh:tanks sweety..