I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Sunday, March 21, 2010

HUMMERS

Personally I think they drive hummers hoping to get one...
you know..... a hummer...?

Hummer Gas Mileage Not FoundThe mileage data you are looking for never existed, because Hummers essentially get no gas mileage. 10 MPG means that the typical Hummer burns petroleum faster than Saddam Hussein in Kuwait.
Please try the following:
If you drive a Hummer, sell it. Your penis will remain small whether or not you drive a half-baked knockoff of a military vehicle. Drive something that gets better gas mileage, like, say, a Kenworth.
If you reached this page because you're considering buying a Hummer, see the previous item.
If you're here just to see what mileage a Hummer really gets, it averages about 10-14 MPG. No, we're not kidding. You could take a Chevy Suburban and tow another car behind it and you'd STILL get better gas mileage.
It's quite possible that the Hummer was originally marketed as a joke. Then the designers realized folks were actually stupid enough to buy a vehicle that's too large for 99% of parking spots, rides like a pissed-off camel in an earthquake and has great features like a leaky sunroof, an air conditioner that doesn't work and other fun stuff.
If you actually drive off-road, we'll cut you some slack. Just remember that 10-14 MPG figure is for street driving, not off-road. So you'd better bring another car to carry spare gas.
Forget About The Hummer
May we recommend a
Toyota Prius, instead?

19 comments:

Green tea said...

Hmm ..Hummer and dicks a picture I can't get out of my mind..
Geez Jackie Sue.. :D

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

green...my work here is done.

Big Pissy said...

hahahaha!!!!

WgS said...

I prefer to walk, it's easier to spot the dicks that way.

Love the post.

Charlene said...

Best quote in the post:

"rides like a pissed-off camel in an earthquake"

hehehe

Woozie said...

The Death Prius?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Let's all wiggle our pinky fingers in the air when a hummer drives by!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

the death prius..only fitting don't you think woozie? how ya been sweety..I been missing ya..
I give them the finger when ever I see them..and in a west,texas there aren't that many..but I flip them off every time i see them..so im sure they know it's me by now..

jan said...

They probably think your flip off is an invitation for sexual favors.

Twain12 said...

and they are ugly to boot

turquoisemoon said...

In my neck of the woods, it's the women who drive them. Midwest blonds!!!

Rainwolf said...

Used to be the smaller the sportscar the larger the asshole. Hummer re-invented that threefold.

Nit Wit said...

Here there are a large number of hummers and most of them are driven by women. There is a guy who works the eastern part of Ohio called Cowboy Dan who runs a giant drawings.
You buy the tickets online that let you into a giant BBQ where at least one Hummer and a lot of other giant gas hogs are given away.
I left Bingo the other night to see a brand new silver one with a giant Hummer decal across the back window
Sure enough here comes a 300+ pound Bingo Biddie. When she got behind the wheel the left side sagged a goo 6 inches and I swear I heard the Hummer groan.

Blueberry said...

Saw a Hummer drive by the other day with big letters written across the windshield: HUMMER, said "why don't they just write ASSHOLE there instead?"

sageweb said...

People who drive hummers also have no idea how to park..

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I can't even believe people still buy them damn things..little dicks..little brains..it all fits now.

Ted Amadeus said...

No thanks, I think I'd rather have a restored-to-showroom-condition 1983 Chevy Suburban (last year model with actual metal Fisher body) and a tesla turbine engine under the hood...
Drives just the same as usual, only it gets 60-75 MPG.

Yeah, why the fuck you THINK you've never heard of it!?


ARAMCO, that's fucking why!

Josh said...

I'm just glad they've stopped making the damn things... at least for now. GM's still looking for a buyer, though every other potential buyer has balked thus far.

Intense Guy said...

I like your label best :)