SMALL TOWN LIVING

I finally hauled my fat ass to the laundry mat...happy happy, joy joy as Babs would say...Which is her version of my version of fucity fuck fuck fuck..But what a day I had...I did my laundry and decided to stop by the $store and get some sympathy cards for the family of Doc...Where Robert the manager followed me all over the store..chatting me up..asking me what books I liked to read, did I like hard back or paper backs....I know it has been a long time since anyone has pursued me(when I only had one ass)..but this guy is seriously making me nervous...he acts like we are the last two people on earth and we need to get busy...I have always liked Robert, he is sweet, funny, smart, hard worker and dresses nice..as apposed to me who is sarcastic,obstinate, stubborn,and likes to dress in shorts, t-shirts and my converse tennie shoes. regardles..he is flirting with me...which at my age is kinda cute..damn..I'm almost 63...considering I haven't had sex since I had my female organs removed....I am like a 1943 Chevy with a new motor...anyhow..the best news is I ran into people today that I haven't seen in years and years and years...since I drank...I ran into Anessa who is the wife of Inky(who is the youngest son of my best friend, Agnes who died 20 something years ago). She was in the $1 store and Inky was at Wolf's down the street..5 stores down from $1 store..so I went to Wolf's to see Inky...First time I had been in a bar in about 8-9 years...the smell is exactly the same..stale beer, cigerettes, sweat,and that mysterious odor that is also found in cheap motel rooms...I almost gagged..but in a way it was so familiar it was like coming home...So I sat at the bar and had a coke...no damn Dr. Pepper...I asked the girl behind the bar, what kind of joint are you running with no Dr. Pepper? She looked at me like I ate rats for a living...I hadn't even popped the top on my coke when some one came in snapped my bra and said Wakko Wakko...You will all have to pretend here like you know what I am talking about..years ago I was co-captain and score keeper for the softball team at the Capital(the bar where we all hung out) and to encourage everyone to do better I would wiggle my titties at them at go wakko wakko...You also must remember at the time I was weighing in at about 120 and my tits didn't reach my knee caps then..so it was a big deal and everyone enjoyed it...except for my tits..more home runs were hit to the sounds of a stadium full of drunks yelling 'wakko wakko'....and the one that enjoyed it the most was Termite...(West...the home of the knicknames)and sure enough it was Termite...who informed me that the latest gossip about me was that I had gotten remarried...I laughed so hard I almost fell off the barstool...Told him, are you fucking kidding me???? he said no..really...He over heard it at the bar a few weeks ago...I said what he should have done was to hock all he owned and bet the guy that I didn't..and he could have retired from Nemecek's Meat Market...So now I'm bullshitting with Inky, Anessa and Termite, when Sara comes in...Sara is the wife and mother of the snake handlers... she is addicted to those bar slots..so now it's like 20 years ago and we're all catching up with who did what, who has kids, who has grandkids, etc...was kinda cool...but I had a truck load of clean clothes and needed to go get me some Dr. Pepper..so I said my goodbyes and headed to Community Grocery...where I run into kinfolk(by marriage)...Ricky and Sara Maler...their oldest son is named after my oldest son David.. I am also his god mother..who is now a father and made Ricky and Sara grandparents..I haven't seen them in almost 10 years..They are all settled down too..They have a 21 year old daughter who is going to start taking radiation for tongue and throat cancer..smoked for 6 years..they said they had never seen cancer like that in someone so young..they had to remove part of her tongue and lymp nodes in her throat..that is scarry..and ole Ricky (we used to raise hell together) is now a church going non drinker ..get this, he goes to a church called the 'Last Cowboy Roundup Church of God'......I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud..hey...what ever works..The Church and the Pastor has been right there for them thru this cancer scare with Michelle..so it is good that they have that support.
It was just really great seeing all these people again..I live within walking distance of most of them..but the ones that still drink and party I am not apt to run into...and the ones that quit like I did..stay home and keep out of trouble..So it is easy to live in a town this small and not run into each other.And as much as I enjoyed seeing them I am not inclined to reopen the relationships...just too fucking old to sit around and rehash our drunken party days..because as sure as the Goddess made little nutsack tangelos...someone always has a 'jackie' story..and while they 'may' have been funny at the time...sitting there at 62 being reminded of the time I smacked some guy with palm of my hand on his forehead and said 'don't fuck with me asshole...I have papers to prove I'm crazy'....well, it is a little silly...but I had a great day....life is good...
PS...have to tell you my favorite Agnes story...she was tending bar at the Capital and I walked in as she was slamming the phone down...she said:"mother fucker...I don't mind when people shit on me..but it really pisses me off when they use my hair to wipe their ass.."..laughed till I cried..I really miss her..