I'm a liberal pagan living in West, Texas. Yes. That West, Texas.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

NEW DUTCH WEED


in amsterdam a coalition of political parties unveiled a pilot program last week to regulate marijuana farming on the model of tobacco, which oppents say would be tantamount to legalizing growing the drug..(no duh)\under the test program, to be condducted in the southern city of Maastricht, existing health and safety standards will apply to growers, but they would no longer be the target of police raids or prosecution.
coffee shops permitted to sell marijuana would be required to provide consumers with information about the health hazards of smoking-similar to tobacco companies- and the chemical content of the marijuana.
the shops would also have to say where they bought the jmarijuana they sell, which proponents say will deter growers from operation dangerous underground greenhouses.
under currrent Dutch policy, marijuana and hashish are illegal, but police dont prosecute for possession of less than one ounce. authorieties also look the other way regarding the open sale of cannabis in designated coffee shops.
but commercial growing is outlawed, giving rise to a contradictory system in which shop owners have no lega way to purchase their best-selling product.
opponents, however, have argued that regulation could open the door to outright legalization of marijuana in a country that already has some of europe's most lenient drug laws.
the coalition of parties gave Mr. Balkenende until today to implement the testing program, after which lawmakers said they will introduce a bill in Parliament to do it. They said that about 2/3's of Parliament members supposrt the plan...

hm.....do i hear the packing of luggage bags and the slaming of doors as bodies are hurling them selves into airplanes all over america..??one one way ticket to amsterdam please...

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

MELEKAMEKEMAKA


hawaiian for merry christmas...yes...i said it..merry the fucking christmas..not happy holidays, not seasons greetings..but merry fucking christmas..hey, im a pagan and dont belive in all this shit any how..but its tradition and about 98% of our country believes it. so for the sake of the goddess who gets no kicks out of this at all...stop taking christmas out of christmas...and am i the only one on the ole blogspot that is pissed because we didnt get our christmas card from the white house..???maybe my card is in the mail...yeah, right...
i watched david letterman last night like i do every night...and jack black was on touting his new movie "king kong"...about monkey love...and didnt we already do this story back on blogster.com? i like our version better...also decided that jack black is the love child of jack nickelson and rosemarie...remember rose marie with the little black velvet bow in her hair?...

and some one explain to me..how the fuckkkkkkkkkk..forest gump's ratings have gone back up...what?..is the whole country suffering from alzheimers? repeat after me...
BUSH..........BAD...
CHENEY.....BAD....
RICE....BAD....ANGELICAN CHRISTIANS...VERY BAD....REPEAT AS OFTEN AS NEEDED.

i joined a book club..for witches i think..anyhow..the books i got are
1. the power of birthdays, stars and numbers..831 pages..really cool..can do great horoscopes..send me your birthdays and i will see what sort of psycho you are...
2. the magical household ..spells and rituals for the home(hope it has something for waterbugs)
3.spell crafts..creating magical objects(maybe a mystical viberator0
4.homeopathic care for cats and dogs(in case your pet is homeo)
5. the element encyclopedia of 5,000 spells(dont fuck with me now boy)
6. his holiness the dali lalma the universe in a single atom..the convergence of science and spirituality...
( i confess..i got this as a christmas gift for my yankee girl friend who lives in austin)
speaking of my yankee girlfriend..you would love lane...she is maybe 2 years younger than me..married to a guy who is 10 years younger than her..she goes to dance classes..african drum classes..(even when to summer camp for african drum), she goes to another one that is a combination dance and boxing class...races around austin in her black corvette giving the finger and yelling "yeah, fuck you and yo'mama" to all that would dare get in her way...she has been in texas over 30 years and she is still yankee...she knows the trouble i have had with keeping dogs alive and safe in my yard..and when i had to take trooper and puppy to friends in the country she was very glad..said to stick to cats..and no more dogs..so when i emailed her and said i was thinking about getting one of jamie's pit bull puppies when ever she had them(at least a year away).she emailed me back this email.."
jackiesue.your ignorant slut...no more dogs...you dont need any more dogs...repeat after me..no dogs....
she makes me laugh...
well..going to go head to the house...supposed to rain tonight..dont belive it as the weather men here are never correct...im in trouble with henrietta..i showed some 15 year old kid last night how to get to sooners blogspot (he read sooners letter from santa over my shoulder) . so after i left he and his buddy got on to sooner's site and guess they were laughing and carring on and henrietta came to see what was so funny and nearly had a heart attack. so when i came in today she asked me not to "help the boys along" with their web site searches...gave her the one raised eyebrow and said it wasent a web site it was a blogsite and there wasent anything wrong with it...so we are now at silent war..bitch...but ...she may have a point...should i have turned a 15 year old onto sooner.??????????????????????? betcha ass...
fuck me til im studious...

KINKY'S NEW POLITICAL TOY AND NEW ADS ON TV


saw my first kinky tv ad today...what a riot..dont know how many voters he is going to get with these ads..but when its over with he can get his own tv show...
he has a new action figure retailing at $29.95.For a $100 hyou can buy a collectible version autographed by Kinky himself...if you push a button on the action figure it yells out one of 25 one-lineers, offering humorous commentary on the political scene and an assortment of issues that the candidate wants to take issue with...the commercials featrue a "press conference" in which reporters ask questions of the 13-inch toy, which delivers sharp answers from behind a life-size podium..one asks if Mr. Friedman can get Democrats and Republicans to work together if he is elected..The replica resonds:"I'm running for governor, not God."...another question is whether Texas has become to9o politically correct. The quip:"Hell, yes, and I'm gonna de-wussyfy Texa if I gotta do it one wuss at a time."..asked about border issues ,the succinct response is :"I'll keep us outta war with Oklahoma".
so im beginning to think if nothing else i can go to my grave saying i saved myself for kinky and all i got me was a governor..i hope

FOREST GUMP FOLLIES


forest and his cronies expect democracy in Iraq in a few years..but it took our country centries to accomplish the same thing..fuck me til i salute

america represents less than 5% of the earth's population yet it consumes 25% of it's energy..now you know the real reason we are in Iraq...

over 50 years ago Iran had a democratically elected prime minister who nationalized the petroleum industry. This pissed the american oil compnaies off. So with the help with the ever helpful CIA, they overthrew the government and reinstated the "puppet" shaw..His love for all things western led to the Iranian revolution and all hopes for a real democracy ended...thanks guys...

no wonder them people hate us..
fuck me til i wear a towel on my head

BYE BYE TOOKIE....BYE BYE


You started out a gangsta
then you became a crip...
now you sit in prison..
waiting for the drip..

you killed alot of people
you did it full of pride..
now its time to pay the piper
bye bye tookie...it's time you died.

wonder why the black rappers and actors arene't showing more concern about the people he killed and all the lives he ruined by starting up the crips...


fuck me til i wear colors

Monday, December 12, 2005

TEEN AGE MEMORIES


my daddy was control tower chief at kelly air force base, san antonio, texas...we lived in the big white apts across from the tower when i was a kid..when we moved back again when i was 14 we lived in "kelly homes" and all the streets were named after planets..i lived on saturn and my boyfriend to become my first asshole husband, lived on mars...my girlfriend barbara ann lived on venus i think...hard to remember..i am old afterall...anyhow...she was the first one of us to get contact lenses...and they said if to becareful that if you got hit on the back of the head you could accidentally pop them out...well, we almost knocked her out everyday for about 2 weeks...we would sneak up behind her and pow..right in the back of the head and then check to see if she still had her contacts in...we finally gave up trying to knock her lenses out after the song barbara ann came out..we would follow here up and down the halls at thomas jefferson high school and sing ba ba ba ba ba baer annnnnnnnnnn...all fuckingday long...she hated us for the longest time..then we found someone else to pick on...and about this time i think i discovered and invented the first frisbee....husband to be and i had a song...every couple had a song...ours was "its all in the game" by tommy somebody...and one night husband (asshole number one) to be did something to piss me off and i went to school the next day and side armed that 45 record at him ..he was about 3/4's of the way down the hall and that thing damn near took his head off...i laughed soo hard..he was pissed then..but i didnt care..was so funny...even if i did spend the rest of the day in principle's office..
when i look back at my checkered past..i see that i have always been nuts...this wasent a gradual process that took shape over time...i was nuts from the gitgo..i just got better...

SHARP AS A GOAT HEAD


memories are made of this....the summer when i was 8 (turned 9 before christmas), some smart ass kid told me there was no santa claus...man, was i upset..so i proceded to do what i always did when i was upset..i kicked the crap out of the little weasel....wailed on his head til he said he lied and had made it all up....but in my heart....i knew it was true..but i spoke this to no one...nary a sole knew of this secret that burned a hole in my little pea brain...so ...comes christmas...do i tell daddy and mother i know there is no santa claus? not on your life...so christmas eve after finally falling to sleep i was jolted out of the bed by a crash from the living room..so i tip toed to the door of my bedroom and peeked out and what do i see.....? daddy putting together my bike that i had asked santa claus for...hmmmmm. now you also have to know that as wonderful and smart as my daddy was, he didnt know a hammer from a screwdriver...so this assembling took most of the night and part of a bottle of whiskey... finally he reeded off to bed with my new bike all together..(soon to be named blossom bailey roycroft)...i stared at that bike for the longest time..and then said..fuckit..and snuck into the living room and took it for a ride in the living room...sooooo cool...and then...bam i hit the end table and knocked the lamp off and it broke on the floor..im telling you i was tucked in bed faking sleep like a little angel before the lamp hit the floor...that morning when i was called to come see what santa had brought me for christmas...i was met by mom and daddy and the new bike...and the broken lamp...and jackie who could never lie to her daddy...replied, when asked about the broke lamp...well..i looked daddy right in the eye and said "santa must have done it when he was putting it together for me last night"....gotcha daddy...he never said a word and neither did i...

THINGS TO PONDER


"My God is good.Bin Laden's God is bad.His is a bad God. Saddam's God was bad except he didn't have one. he was a barbarian. We are not barbarians." harold pinter, winner of this year's nobel prize for literatrue, parodying President Bush in his nobel speech.:....
heehee..got ta loveit..


in a letter to the dallas am editorial page from the Biloxi Mississippi Sun Herald...
"Just weeks after Hurricane Katrina stormed ashore in south mississippi, president bush made a personal pledge taht the federal government would be a partner in the effort to rebuild our lives and our communities..now, months later, it is time for the president to renew that commitment...
the most pressing need for homeowners..is for the federal government to provide some means for them to rebuild their lives and property. Several proposals have been put forward,(but) the president has yet to endore, much less champion, any of these efforts. Yet, just last week, officials in his administration proposed that congress appropriate nearly $4 billion more to help rebuild the lives and property of Iraq. That figure was like a slap in the face to residents of south mississippi, because it is almost exactly the amount of money that Gov. Haley Barbour estimates would be needed to assist south mississippians who lived outside the flood plain but whose homes were damaged or destroyed by Katrina's storm surge..."


fuck me till they name a hurricane after me..

what a difference thousands of miles make..
unions protest ferries use of low paid workers..
70,000 union members brought irish cities to a standstill friday to protest a plan to replace ferry workers with low-paid eastern europeans ..they waved flags, banged drums, blew whistles, sang 1960's protest songs and held placards taht read "no slave ships on irish seas"...the company irish ferries recently began introducing laborers mostly from latvia working for $4.25 an hour, less than half of irelands minimum wage..union chiefs seized two of the company's four ships, forcing services to shut down at an estimated loss of $2.5 million a day....
mean while in china......
at least 10 chinese killed during social protest...armed with guns and shields, hundreds of riot police sealed off a southern chinese village after fatally shooting as many as 10 demonstrators and were searching for the protest organizers, villiagers said friday..It was the deadliest known use of force by security forces againsst chineses civilians since the killings around Tiananmen square in the social protests taht have convulsed the chinese countryside..


fuck me til i kow tow

Saturday, December 10, 2005

KINKY FILES FOR GOVERNOR'S RACE...


kinky friedman formally filed with the secretary of state as an independent candidate for governor..if he wins it he will be the first independent to win governor of texas since sam houston..
he is quoted as saying"this filing is a small step for the kinkster, but it is a giant step for independent-minded voters everywhere."....mr. friedman hopes to have raised $1 million by early next year to appeal to voters not to vote in the primary. thus far, the campaign has used the slogan,"save yourself for kinky"...
well, i haven't had sex for 20 years so I have been saving it for kinky for awhile..hope he appreciates the sacrifice i have made for him...that and the fact that no one would pork me anyhow...

fuck me til IM governor!!

TONGA TRINITY FOOTBALL PLAYERS


I love texas..article in the paper and on the tv news..In Euless Texas the town seems to have a lot of tonga's... from an island in the middle of the pacific someplace. They all seem to go out for the football team.. they all play..and before each game they do their tonga chant and dance..they stomp their feet, wack their chests, make grunting noises and make the ugliest faces...it is called a haka chant..The haka is a traditional dance of New Zealand's maori peole that is traced to the early 19th century.They perform the haka when coming together or before going to war...The Trinity football team has performed the haka before and after each game this season as a means of team unity.The team consists of lots of tonga cousins...the haka chant goes like this:
ka mate! ka mate!
ka ora! ka ora!
ka mate!ka mate!
ka ora! ka ora!
tenei te tangata
puhuruhuru
nana nei i tiki mai,
whakawhiti te ra!
a, hupane! a , kaupane!
a, hupane! a, kaupane!
whiti te ra!

which translates :
it is death!it is death!
it is life! it is life!
it is death!it is death!
it is life! it is life!
behold! There stands the hairy man.
who will cause the sun to shine!
one step upwards....another step upwards
the sun shines!

sounds like a good football chant to me...hope their team won..have to watch the news today and see what happened..
i think we al should learn the chant and do it and the dance evey day...to start the day off with a bang...

SMALL EARTHQUAKE DISRUPTS HOLLYWOOD PREMIER

Hollywood, ca. Eary yesterday evening the opening premier of the movie "Brokeback Mountain" was canceled due to small sesmic disturbances. "There were no warnings at all, it just came from out of no where." said a producer for the movie.."It is very strange that the epi-center of the earthquake was directly over John Wayne's grave."...he replied,"I'm sure it was just a coincidence"....The movie premier will be moved to the east coast.

----------------------------------

SMALL EARTHQUAKE DISRUPTS HOLLYWOOD PREMIER

Hollywood, ca. Eary yesterday evening the opening premier of the movie "Brokeback Mountain" was canceled due to small sesmic disturbances. "There were no warnings at all, it just came from out of no where." said a producer for the movie.."It is very strange that the epi-center of the earthquake was directly over John Wayne's grave."...he replied,"I'm sure it was just a coincidence"....The movie premier will be moved to the east coast.

HAIL TO THE CHIEF


did you know...??? the reason the song is played when a U. S. President enters a room orginated with President James Polk's wife, who was so mad her diminutive, homely husband was often ignored when making an entrance. So, Sarah Poke ordered that the song be p layed when ever her husband came into a room..So it plays now for all presidents enter a room..
However, the origin of the sont itself is set to the words of Sir Walter Scott's epic poem "THE LADY OF THE LAKE", it describes the death of a Scotish chieftan who was betrayed and then put to death by his arch enemy, King James V. So the song that is used to herald the coming of the President of the U.S. actually chronicles teh assination of a head of state.
The last part of canto five, asks:"o who would wish to be thy king?"
lesson for the day..jac

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

WINTER IS COMING..RUN FOR YOUR LIVES..


It is the last day before winter actually comes to central texas...got down to 30 degrees last night and tomorrow it is supposed to sleet, rain, snow, or all of the above...never can tell..and it was 87 degrees out sat. you have to love it...drug in my aloe vera and ivy...rocky doesnt spend nights out doors at all anymore..wussy...also supposed to get down to 28 or lower..I really never believe anything the weather man says..watched all three local stations one night and all were for the waco and surrounding areas and all of them had differnt weather forecasts..I just stick my head out the door and see what is going on and dress accordingly...knowing that just because you can wear shorts at 2pm doesnt mean you wont need your woolies by 6pm...I have seen it drop 50 degrees in one afternoon..
there was more family excitement last night..the girls mother kathy(used to be called the daughterinlawfromhell) but now we just call her sybil(for her many personalities)....has a weird friend..now when i say he is weird...im being polite..he is a fucking nut case..but for some reason kathy likes him..he is gay, hiv positive and a crackhead..now i could care less about his sexual activities and sad to hear he has aids..but the crack head part makes me nervous..and a year ago he stole her truck, left her stranded in dallas on a christmas shopping trip and went on a crack, sex binge ...she still remained his friend...why????? fuck if I know...anyhow..thursday morning she (brace yourself) loaned him her new car(grand am) to go shopping...i swear to the goddess i dont know what she was thinking..and finally after he didnt come back by sat.night. she reported the car stolen...last night the police called her and they had found him and her car in the parking lot of fudruckers...been there wandering around in the parking lot since 6pm..(this was about 9pm) and so I went with them to drive the car back while she drove the rental she had to get as she didnt have her car...we get there..and he is sooooo fucked up..didnt know how he had got there..or why... all sorts of drug stuff in the car..seems that crack heads use wire scrub brush for the smokiing..not being up on the needs for crack smoking..i still dont know what it was for...the police were very nice even when sybil started screaming and cussing at the guy...the police were not impressed..told her to grow up and behave..didnt want to have to go bail her out of jail...so it was an exciting night for all..nice drive from west to waco and back...if i find out that she has anything to do with him again. i will personally kick her ass.. both her daughters were very upset about the whole thing and cannot understand why after what he had done to her before she would let him use her car again...what a dipshit....both the girls wer so grateful that i would even bother to help her out..told them i wasent doing it for her, was doing it for them...think she might be smoking some of the crack too to still reamain connected to him after all he has done..and then ...now this is kinda funny..the mother of the crackhead is kathy's boss at the west retirement home...she runs the place and kathy is the activity director...so the crackheads's mother calls kathy(knowing what her son has done) and asks kathy if she will take in the guys dog as she cant take care of it...now that is pretty fucking ballsy...he steals her car and his mother wants her to take in his dog...fuck me til i bark....

Monday, December 05, 2005

GRANDDAUGHTER'S SAGA WITH HORNEY PITS


Jamie called me last night and was just about to lose it..she was screaming at her dog while trying to tell me what was going on..this is sort of what it sounded like...
jamie: grandma how do you stop dogs from having sex.........kilo stop that..ohhhh, that's gross...grandma they are having sex right here in front of me, ohhh that is nasty kilo...stop that...what do i do grandma..how can i keep them from doing it...i dont want her to have puppies...oh that is just disgusting..they are butt to butt grandma..make them stopl..
Grandma:...hahahahahahahahahahhahhhahahah
hahhhehhehhehehhehhahahahhahhehahhehahhhehahbhraghahghhhhhhhhaaa

hahahahahhahahahahahahah'
hahahahahahahahhhahahhh
ahahahahahaahahahhahhha
jamie:grandma, its not funny!!!!!!!!!!!
Grandma:hahahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhetc...etc...
Jamie..grannnnnnnnma....
Grandma: pour ice water right on his thing...hahahahahahahahhahhahhahah
Jamie: what, ice water on his what????
Grandma:hhahahahahahahahahahah...no really just pour ice water right on his thing..hahahahahahahahah
minutes go by and grandma is gasping for air now....
jamie: grandma, your the smartest gramdma i have ever heard of...i poured ice water on his thing and it popped right out...
Grandma:ahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahhahah....well, i figured it if would work for my second husband it would work for the dog...hahahahahahahahah
Jamie: grandma..you are gross...
end of conversation...P.s.....grandma is still laughing...

FORGET HELL...


Why is it that I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday but I can remember these goofy damn songs that were popular in the 60's and 70's...???? well, actually I can remember what i had for lunch yestereday, and the day before and the day before.and ..well. you get the idea..turkey..fucking turkey...
any how about the songs.does any one but me remember the song about junk food..? about when he died he wanted to be found with a dr.pepper in his hand and a dingdong by his head? or the guy limped along and was on gunsmoke and sang a song about being afraid to go to war and fight the indians with george armstrong custer..line was "please mr. custer..i dont want to go...and you could hear the arrows shooting by? did i make all this shit up or were those real songs..im telling you...its a fun place to be in my little peabrain..
fuck me til i whistle

YADDA YADDA


there was an article in the dallas am news that forest gump got his notice from the court house that he is to appear for jury duty...let that sink in a second...doh...of course he cant serve...he isnt thru fucking up the country yet...but can you imagine him on a jury? man..there are about 2,082 jokes there...
and even better news in the paper..all those people that received donated funds from rep. Randy "duke" Cunningham of california(remember him..he got busted for theiving..sneaky bastard..anyhow..the people he donated money to (all republicans of course) have to decided if they are going to keep the money or give back(yeah, right)...or donate it to a good cause....so this should be fun to watch..all them republicans having to give back 'dirty money'....most have decided to give it to charities except for one said he would keep his money..he got $3,000 last year ...rep. randy neugebauer of lubbock, tex. basically said he gave it to me and its mine..fuckyou...nice guy..what i thought was funny, actually absolutely hysterical funny was tom delay's fund trustee brent perry saying "we want to stay as clean as we can"...too late motherfucker..WAY....TO FUCKING LATE.... oh, man these guys ....they have balls so big...i dont know how they can cross their legs...
fuck me til i vote..

CHRISTMAS IN WEST, BY GOD, TEXAS


Sat we had our West Christmasfest...i volunteered and helped run the cake walk...i had so much fun ..playing the music...stopping the music .calling out numbers and giving away cakes, cookies, kolaches and all sorts of goodies...i hammered up signs, played a little bingo ..ate a great hamburger from bold springs baptist church...they make the best hamburgers in town..really...so good..first i have had in months..i got there about 10:30am and stayed till 4pm...taught some little boys how to spit thru their fingers to ward off evil so they would win at bingo...that was fun...then sat on santa's lap and asked for a tummy tuck, liposuction, and a breast reduction..the mayor was santa and he laughed so hard at me he nealy wet his santa suit..finally went home and took a nap..all that heat..man..i even got a sun burn...
i had made plans to go to the high school to see scott podsednik and damn if i didnt forget..was so pissed after the cowboys game all i wanted to do was sulk anyhow...they said it was really great..the gym was fulll..packed and had people standing...he answered questions and talked about how his life had changed for the better..damn ..cant believe i forgot...
fuck me till i forget

FOREST GUMP'S LITTLE WAR


Since combat operations began in Iraq in March 2004, 45 souldiers have killed themselves in Iraq, and additional 2 dozen commited suicide after returning home.
30 % of returning Iraq vets show signs of some mental stress 3-4 months after coming home.
1-5 u.s. combat vets who screened positive for post tramatic stree syndrome.
17 5 of u.s. combat troops including army and marines, who experienced major depression of combat stress.
23- 40% found to have stress synddrome who sought mental health care.
65 % of those questioned who said they worry that asking for help would make them look weak kor effect their military careers.
in april, the dept of veteran affairs acknowledged it had under estimated medical care cost and veterans in several states found that veterans affairs had to stop scheduling appointments because of lack of staff and a shortage of funds.
as pogo said: we have met the enemy and he is us....

fuck me til i snap to attention...

Sunday, December 04, 2005

NEW BABY



Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had a baby girl...very nice and congradulations...they named the baby Violet...now I wish these people and their child the very best but please...Violet?..it sounds like a reaction to a severe case of the flu..."i threw up, had stomach cramps and broke out in Violet Affleck..."...

watching pbs last night and saw something you dont see evey day...3 black men in black leather singing opera...then they sang in falsetto(operataic style?) you aint got a thing if you aint got that swing..do wop style..switched back to survivor..

well did eveyone watch oprah on letterman? pretty funny..you could tell that she does not watch his show ...ever....ever...ever..as letterman is known for having very smart political guests on and having serious discussions with them..she acted like he was going to juggle and balance a ball on his nose..he came off smart and caring and she came across as very immature and holding a grudge still...think i saw oprah as she must have been as a kid when they made fun of her cause she was fat...made me like letterman that much more and see oprah in a new light that was not that flattering ....

to sooner: for all the time you have spent on putting pictures on my blogspot....your're the reason god made oklahoma....you sweet little okie you...
to babs: for posting my posts for me every day and as you all know there are many of them....you are a texas rose my sweet friend...thanks to you both..

speaking of oklahoma....it appears not a good thing for the quarterback to kick anyone on the opposite team...they suspended him for the remaining games(including playoffs which they are in) and then daddy (who was the coach) took it to court and the judge overruled it and then the schools got into it and now it is in the Oklahoma Supreme Court...one thing I do know...you don't mess around with high school football in Oklahoma...same here in Texas....high school football is the reason im sure why the expression "he needs killing" is so popular here..
fuck me til i make the extra point

Thursday, December 01, 2005

ONE LAST POST TIL SATURDAY


JENNY CALLED ME LAST NIGHT ALL FREAKED OUT...HER MOTHER HAD CALLED HER TO TELL HER THE LAND LORD IS MAKING THEM MOVE...HE CAME OUT TO FIX THEIR A/C AND DISCOVERED THE PIT BULLS AND JUST LOST IT..THING IT WAS THE ARTICLE IN PAPER ABOUT THE WOMAN ON THE RIDING LAWN MOWER GETTING KILLED BY THE PIT-ROT MIX DOGS...HE SAID EITHER THE DOGS GO OR THEY GO..AND KATHY FOR ALL HER NUTTYNESS WAS NOT GOING TO MAKE JAMIE GIVE UP HER DOGS..SHE LOVES THOSE DOGS AND THEY ARE GOOD DOGS..DONT TRY TO GET OUT OF THE FENCE..DONT ACT AGRESSIVE OR ALL CRAZY. THEY ARE SWEET WELL BEHAVED DOGS...SMART AND WELL TRAINED..HE GOT ALL WACKO BECAUSE THEY BARKED AT HIM WHEN HE DROVE UP...WELL,DOH...ANY DOG WILL BARK AT YOU WHEN YOU DRIV UP ...THE LAND LORD WAS A STRANGER TO THEM...BUT THEY DIDNT EVEN BARK LIKE THEY WERE PSYCHO KILLERS ARE ANYTHING..THEY JUST BARKED..AND WHEN HE CAME TO THE FENCE THEY WERE WAGGING THIER TAILS AND ACTING ALL "HEY WHAT'S UP...WHO ARE YOU..?"..JUST NORMAL DOG BEHAVIOR..SO ANYHOW THEY HAVE TO MOVE..AND THAT IS GOING TO BE HARD FOR THEM TO FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL RENT A HOUSE TO THEM WITH THE 2 PITS AND THE REAL PSYCHO OF THE FAMILY THE SIAMESE CAT MOO MOO.....I TOLD THEM THEY SHOULD TRY AND TALK THEIR MOM INTO BUYING A HOUSE...MY GIRLFRIEND HAS 20 ACRES WITH 2 HOUSES ON IT...AND TWO TANKS...(PONDS)ONE HOUSE IS 2-1 WITH DOUBLE GARAGE, OFFICE, VERY LARGE WORK ROOM OFF GARAGE...AND THE SECOND HOUSE IS DOWN THE ROAD ABOUT 75 FEET AND IS A RENTAL WHICH HELPS WITH THE PAYMENT...WOULD BE PERFECT FOR THEM..ACTUALLY WISH I HAD THE MONEY TO BUY IT..I COULD TAKE THE LITTLE HOUSE AND RENT OUT THE BIG HOUSE...MAKE MORE MONEY THAT WAY..ANYHOW THAT IS THE NEWS IN THE DENNEY/BROWN FAMILY...SUCKS...SEE YOU SATURDAY AM..JAC

STUFF...AND NONSENSE


I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT EVERY HAPPENED TO MONTY ROCK THE THIRD...AND WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO LEON REDBONE? I USED TO THINK HE WAS THE HOTTEST LITTLE THING THAT CAME DOWN THE PIKE...THINK IT WAS THE WHITE SUITS HE WORE AND THAT HIS NAME WAS REDBONE...NOW THERE IS A TURN ON FOR YOU..

DID YOU KNOW THAT THE HUMAN BODY DURING THE FIRST YEARS OF LIFE MUST KILL ROUGHLY HALF THE BRAIN CELLS IT'S BORN WITH?AND IN FOREST GUMP'S CASE THE PROCESS IS STILL ON GOING...

ALSO DID YOU READ IN PAPER OR SEE ON TV ABOUT THE OPERATION THAT THEY PREFORMED ON THE WOMAN WHO HAD HER FACE CHEWED UP BY DOGS?? THEY ARE TRANSPLANTING HER A NEW FACE...NOW THAT IS A WONDERFUL THING BUT DIDNT JOHN TRAVOLTA AND NICHOLAS CAGE ALREADY DO THAT A FEW YEARS AGO? AND I THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA FOR FOREST GUMP TO HAVE HIS FACE TRANSPLANTED TO HIS REAR END..SO HE COULD KISS HIS OWN ASS...

I RECEIVED A NEWS LETTER FROM TRIXIE (THE DOG)...SHE IS DEAN KOONTZ YELLOW LAB AND SHE SENDS OUT NEWSLETTERS TO HIS FANS THAT WRITE TO HIM..I STARTED WRITING TO HIM OVER 15 YEARS AGO..TRIXIE SAYS A GREAT STOCKING STUFFER IS ONE OF HIS BOOKS..BUT THAT SAUSAGE IS EVEN BETTER..AND NOT TO SEND HER BOOKS AS SHE WOULD RATHER HAVE LOTS OF SAUSAGES...ME TOO...BUT BOOKS ARE GOOD ALSO..WHO KNEW I HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH A DOG NAMED TRIXIE...?

THE LIBRARY HAS A LITTLE ENTRY ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INSIDE AND THEY HAVE PLACED AN ACTION REACTION PLANT THAT SCREAMS OUT MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHEN YOU COME INTO THE ROOM..SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME EVERY TIME I COME..TOLD HENRIETTA SHE WAS GOING TO GO OUT THERE ONE DAY AND I WOULD EITHER BE IN A WHIMPERING HEAP IN THE FLOOR OR WOULD BE CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF THROWING THE SONOABITCH OUT THE DOOR..MERRYFUCKINGCHRISTMASMYASS...BAH HUMBUG...

LOOKS LIKE THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST POST TIL SAT...STILL WAITING FOR MY COMPUTER...FUCK ME TILL IM AN ICON...

SOMETHING YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW..


FIRST OFF..MY FOOTBALL STATS SO FAR THIS SEASON ARE...104 WINS...67 LOSES AND 4 TIES...COOL...
OK..FOR THE NEW STUFF..

PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR GOOGLE ARE CALLED GOOGLERS.THE PLACE WHERE THEY WORK IS CALLED GOOGLEPLEX. THEY GET 3 FREE MEALS A DAY AND UNLIMITED SNACKS AND PLAY BEACH VOLLEYBALL, ROLLER HOCKEY, AND OTHER GAMES FOR FREE...(M&M'S IN BOWLS EVERYWHERE)..THE GOOGLEPLEX HAS HIGH-TECH TOILETS AND HEATED SEATS WITH CONTOLS FOR WASHING AND DRYING..SO YOU NEVER NEED TO USE TOILET PAPER...THE WORD GOOGLE COMES FROM THE WORD GOOGOL. A MATH TERM FOR THE NUMBER 1 FOLLOWED BY 100 ZERO'S..
NOW DONT YOU FEEL SMARTER...? NO? WELL FUCK YOU THEN..

LIARS, CROOKS AND THIEVES, OH MY


Supposedly on a wall of the cia headquarters building is the famous quote from John's gospel, which says"you shall know the truth, and the truth will make you free."Is that not the scarriest thing you have ever heard...? can you imagine if we really depended on the cia for the truth?...fuck me til I lie..
The real truth, is the world is run by organized criminals and that means France, Germany, Russia, Asia and most of all America.Power has now shifted from Government to private organization.Except in America our government is now the largest criminal organization in the country.They are all a bunch of fucking crooks.Our current administration is so crooked it makes the mafia look like a mom and pop store.Welcome to Bush World...fuck me til i emplode..

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

SET YOUR FAZERS ON STUNNING


RED ALERT ....RED ALERT....
PBS...DECEMBER 10TH..GUESS WHO IS COMING TO TOWN? TOM JONES...YES, MR. HIPS HISOWN SELF..
I LOVE TOM JONES...WHEN I WAS A YOUNG SWINGING CHICK..I HAD THE MAJOR HOTS FOR HIM..NOW THAT IM AN OLD BROAD I DONT HAVE THE 'HOTS' ANYMORE..BUT HE STILL WARMS THE COCKELS OF MY HEART...WHAT EVER THE FUCK COCKELS ARE...SO I WILL BE GLUED TO MY OLD RCA FOR OLE TOMMY BOY TO COME SWIVELING INTO MY LIVING ROOM SINGING 'WHAT'S NEW PUSSY CAT'...BY THE WAY, SPEAKING OF MUSIC AND ALL...IF ANYONE CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET ME A COPY OF HARLEM NOCTURNE BY THE VISCOUNTS I WOULD BE DEEPLY GRATEFUL...CANT FING IT ANY WHERE..BEST INSTUMENTAL EVER...GREAT SAX....
CAUGHT THE TAIL END OF A SPECIAL TRIBUTE TO JOHNNY CASH LAST NIGHT ON PBS...WAS HOSTED BY JON VOIGHT...WHO WAS STILL WEARING THAT OLD RATTY TUX WITH THE SCUZZY WHITE SCARF THAT HE HAS WORN TO EVERY HOLLYWOOD EVENT SINCE HE FIRST WORE IT TO THE OSCAR'S WHEN HE WON ONE FOR MIDNIGHT COWBOY....JUDAS PRIEST JON.POP FOR A NEW TUX AND GET RID OF THAT FUCKING SCARF..YOU LOOK LIKE A HOMO MAFIA DON..ANY HOW THERE WAS SOME GREAT SONGS ON THE SPECIAL LAST NIGHT..KRIS KRISTOFFERSON SANG THE BALLAD OF IRA HAYES.. WILLI, LYLE, JUNE, ROSEANNE, EMMY LOU, SHERLY, ETC..WAS PRETTY SPECIAL...SPECIALL..

DID ANYONE SEE ON TV WHERE THE GUY RAN OUT ON THE FIELD AT THE EAGLES STADIUM AND SCATTERED HIS MOTHER'S ASHES ALL OVER THE PLACE..SEEMS SHE WAS A BIG EAGLE FAN AND HE WANTED HER ASHES TO GO WITH THE EAGLES....HEY, I LOVE THE COWBOYS JUST AS MUCH AS SHE LOVED HER EAGLES..BUT IF YOUR GOING TO SCATTER MY ASHES ON THE STADIUM WHERE MY TEAM PLAYED..AT LEAST DO IT DURING A WINNING SEASON..NOT WHEN THEY ARE SUCKING THE AIR OUT OF THE PLACE...I STILL PREFER TO HAVE MY ASHES SCATTERED OVER A FIELD OF BLUEBONNETS...FROM A KFC BUCKET...