I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

.......8:22AM...PHONE RINGS .......


Brrrrrrrring!.....

Jackie:mumthphfuk...

Brrrrrring!.....sounds that only a fat ass can make hitting short napped carpet...

Jackie:sonofamotherfuckingbitch...

Brrrring!...

Jackie:Judasfuckingpriest..wait a minute..I'm coming,I'm coming..

What?....

Caller:Good-morning..this is mumblemumbe Aflmumblemumble from the "We just woke you up at 8:22Am to fuck with you and ask you a bunch of dumb ass questions...may I talk to the man of the house?..

Jackie:There are no men in the house but my lesbian wife Chenequa,our two pit bull dogs,Sadie, Mable and our canary, Princess Moa, will be glad to answer any questions you have to ask as long as you don't require balls..Now what was it you wanted?....

long silence...sound of phone being hung up...

Jackie:hee, heee...pretty fucking fast on my feet for being dead asleep and just woke up huh Annie?..What do you say to some oatmeal you little Asshole?....

13 comments:

Allan said...

I am impressed with your quick thinking. Well done!
Too bad there isn't a way to deliver twin barrels of rock salt via a phone line.

Josh said...

"Can I speak to the man of the house..." pfffffft. I thought we were past those days.

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

I need your wit and fast thinking when I answer the phone! Usually, I just get mad and hang up (especially if they call late at night) but I'm going to have to try your lines...

Lately, I've been bombarded with pre-recorded messages. Those really piss me off!

BBC said...

Please take a number & stick it up your ass.

He, he, he.
Hugs.

Cyberoutlaw said...

LOL! No reason to be nice to anyone who calls that early.

Nit Wit said...

The man of the house can't talk to anyone. He's locked in the closet tied up until he has been punished for attempting to escape. If you want to come over here and ask your questions it's a big closet.

Rainwolf said...

Excellent, I'll be borrowing that retort in the future.

the rube said...

i always say "just a minute please" and walk away from the phone. it's then up to the stupid prick to figure out he's been left dangling.

they waste my time, i waste their time.

Cheesemeister said...

I'm going to have to remember that one! Beats the hell out of farting into the phone.

Sue said...

Too funny!!!! I wish I was that good on no coffee ... :)

Sling said...

That was you??...I thought I just dialed a wrong number..

buddha_girl said...

I just spit Diet Coke on my screen. To borrow your phrase (my fav among your LONG list of phrases) JUDASFUCKINGPRIEST!

You made me think of the time my Dad answered the phone and some telemarketer heard him say:

I can't FUCKING BELIEVE you're calling. Someone just died. I'm making fucking funeral plans. Do you have NO tact?

*crickets chirping*

tina said...

LOL Impressive! I can't wait for my day when I get up the strength to do that - did you at least put yourself on the donotcall registry? it works - they got em for cell phones too

:)