I'm a liberal pagan living in West, Texas. Yes. That West, Texas.

Friday, December 18, 2009

FORK ME...I'm done


1. 2 batches of peanut butter fudge
2. 6 pecan pies
3. 2 chocolate pies
4. 6 pumpkin cheesecakes
5. 5 turkeys I think..could be 4 I lost count
6. 2 cakes
7.24 cupcakes
8.1 batch of chocolate/chocolate cookies
9. 3 dozen tamales
10. 3 batches of enchiladas
and a partridge in a pear tree.
I'm so tired I'm left handed. I still have a chocolate and a pumpkin pie to make, a dozen deviled eggs and a turkey to roast plus gravy. Fuck me I'll never put on oven mitts again.. The Post Office folks got one of the batches of peanut butter fudge and when I went in today they said it lasted 1 day and they loved it. So far everything has been a hit. I feel good...ass is dragging, but I feel good..The looks on the kids faces at Food Mart was worth it..The ladies at the bank were practically dancing in the lobby when I came in with a pumpkin cheese cake in each hand.
I'm taking a break till Sunday, well probably Saturday night. Jenny is having her first dinner at her new home and I will roast the turkey, make 2 pies and make the gravy. I'm supposed to make chocolate cookies, and dog bones. But I'm not sure I'm up for it. This kicked my ass. All that standing while whipping this stuff up is hard on my old back. Babs keeps saying no one asked you to do it, there is no pressure, just stop. Sigh*..nope I had made up my mind to do this and if it kills me I'm doing it. Just have to keep remembering the smiling faces.
Dexter is insane. He got my net scrub from the bathroom and shredded it and now there is 3 yards of netting down the hall and into the living room. It smells like my soap and he seems to enjoy it very much. I have a basket with all his toys and he keeps dumping it out and wrapping the netting around his head and then just lays there. I have a bag in the closet with Babs Christmas and birthday presents and there are 2 little cat nip toys for Tina and Prego in it and he keeps getting in the bag and taking the toys out and putting them in his basket. He killed my Christmas cactus...uh oh....here he comes..He's found a way to the counter that separates the kitchen from the dining room and he gets up there and knocks all my stuff off. He broke one of my Santa's, my poinsettia, etc. He's hanging off the counter trying to get at stuff on my computer desk..Evil little bastid. He's just looking around like..'hmm, what can I do to fuck with her?.'.
I have been stuck with the allergy bug again. My head feels like it's full of sand. My back hurts. my legs hurt, my feet hurt and I generally feel like manure. I think I'm going to go take a hot bath, use my new scrub and see if I can keep it away from little buttroy. He sits on the side of the tub when I take a bath, working up enough nerve to try the water. I love the little fucker.


Jan said...

Wow, most impressive. You are totally the Julia-Martha of the west.

You need to give Dexter the toy he rally wants: a roll of toilet paper.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

You're spreading Christmas joy and calories all over West, Texas! But take care of you too -- after all, it's supposed to be a holiday for everyone, including you! Hugs to Devil Dexter.

Nit Wit said...

Grab Dexter and dunk him and then spray him with Tabu. He'll quit hanging out by the tub and he'll make the house smell nice. Then again he might murder you in your sleep.
I agree with Babs you should stop trying to do it all. Make Babs do some of it.
The package from Santa Jackie finally showed up today. your card has a place of honor right between my Malpractice lawyer's and the one from the Rehab/old farts home.
I haven't shown the loot to anyone yet but will soon. The Boss is picking up the boys in Pittsburge today (Saturday) and of course there is going to be lots of snow.
I wish I was allowed to drive.
Thanks for the Yafta read. I got lots of comments.

Willym said...

Okay you had me at the first line.. after I stopped laughing I got around to the rest. Babs is right but you know you wouldn't be you if you weren't doing all this. I have to find some way to get you over here and have you do all that stuff for us.... and you know that the people you are doing it for appreciate it and enjoy so....

As for Dexter - ya want me to send two hounds from hell over. He and Nick could have a contest as to who creates the most destruction. The motto in our place seems to be: if you can eat it - destroy it!

billy pilgrim said...

i hope babs isn't reading this.

Nit Wit said...

New Post, New Post!
I gotta do something with all my time other than Poker and World of Warcraft.

Sling said...

You're like a Christmas baking machine!
Take a break,and gice Dexter some tummy scratches for me.

Anonymous said...

You at least have the sense to give your baking away, I've eaten most of mine! My ass is going to be a fricken aircraft carrier by boxing day!

Dexter is so mischievious! All Kamir does is get into the dinner napkins. Every single night. He'll leave about ten of them shredded on the table. I've covered them, put them in a different holder, you name it, he still shreds them. Little buggers!

rosemary said...

You have been a cooking/baking diva....be glad Dex has "jobs"....keeps him from robbing banks.

yellowdoggranny said...

jan:you might have something..maybe if I just gave him his own roll of toilet paper he'd leave other stuff alone.........
yeah, right.
shewho:I am doing nothing today except make the deviled eggs...will make the turkey and chocolate pie tomorrow..after that..I'm not baking any more.
yeah, right.
nitwit:glad the package made it there ok..can't wait to see a picture of the little one in her tiara..i wanted it.babs hates to cook..that's why I not only cook my turkeys I cook hers too..
I have tamales out the wazoo, but damn they're good..
I'm sure i didn't send enough gifts..damn
willym:i loved that 'im so damn tired'...she was the best.
no thanks i have my hands full with dexter, he needs so encouragement. If I had a passport I'd be tempted to just jump ship and come visit..
billy:I'm not sure any more if she does or not..i think she reads mondays..ha
nitty:cool will go check it out..and everyone can put you on their blog roll so you'll get your readers back.
sling:im pooped..right now he's destroying the roll of toilet paper.
heartnhand:well, I do a little tasting as im baking..except for the pecan pie..dont dare touch them or i'd eat the whole damn thing..i love pecan pies better than........most anything..but i had a cupcake and a cookie and a taste of the pumpkin cheesecake(the batters)I would have just put the napkins up ...I've pretty much dextered the house so he can't destroy any more than possible.
rosemary:if dexter was a human he'd have his picture up on the walls in the post office.

Intense Guy said...

No wonder you are tired. I got tired just reading that list of yummy goodies!

The reciepients are gonna be smiling from ear to ear!

Maybe you need a little ball and chain for Dexter... paper clips and an nice heavy ash tray or something.. might at least slow him down a lil' bit. :)