I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Sunday, December 06, 2009

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!













That's enough to piss off the pope. I was so mad I threw my socks, slippers and a dust rag at the TV...I would have thrown heavier stuff but it's my new 32" TV...sigh* I called Babs and said I had turkey coming out my ass and did she want to go to Pizza house for dinner. It's pissing rain outside and foggy but it's only 1/2 a mile or so. We had bacon cheeseburgers and fries...fuck the carbs.. We had a great dinner and had a lot of laughs..telling each other cat stories..Her Prego and Tina got the AWWWW factor but Dexter got all the laughs..I love that fucking cat...he makes me laugh so much. He is the smartest, pet I've ever owned...smarter than Bill and Nate put together. He can open the cupboard in the bathroom and pull shit out and rip it to shreds, he has made a game out of tipping over the garbage basket by my computer....he'll sit right by it and stare at me till I look at him then he'll reach up and flip it over and then run down the hallway..Today he did it and instead of running down the hallway he ran and jumped into a basket I have on the floor and hid..or his version of hiding..I put my outdoor plants indoor on that railing and he lays up there all stretched out and will pull on the Texas flag, chew on the aloe vera leaves, and the minute I move jumps down and runs behind the couch. He doesn't like it when I read the paper and do my cross word puzzles or read a book..he'll climb over the back and walk down my head and chest with his ass in my face and then plop down on top of what ever I'm doing..so this morning I was petting him and talking to him...."Dexter's such a smart funny little kitteh, Dexter's a little asshole and this feels so good...oh yes, rubbing on his head makes him happy doesn't it Dexter, 'cause your such a sweet boy, and it feels sooooo good that, oh wait, it feels so good that you have to bite someone one..." and he bites me...Yes, I love the little fucker..He makes me happy, even if he has ripped my shower curtain liner to shreds and has so many snags in the shower curtain that it's one big pucker....and I let the bathroom sink trickle so he can drink water from it..and all of my beautiful antique Christmas balls are still in a box because he uses them for toys and I have to grab him up every time someone comes over so he won't make the 'great escape'.....He's a evil little asshole, but he's my evil little asshole..Annie was the Queen..but Dexter is the court jester.
I decided in my demented mind that since I had all this turkey I would make green chili turkey tamales. Knowing I hadn't made them in over 30 years I thought oh this will be a snap...right*
I had all the makings..so, how hard could it be? Sheeeeeeet...first you have to take the husks and soak them in water for 2 hours...(I started this at 10 p.m.)I had the turkey shredded and mixed in green chili salsa set aside..so ...lets make the massa filling...which when your done has the consistency of peanut butter and just about as easy to spread on the husks.. So I let them soak for 2 hours...dry them out ..get them all ready to apply the massa and holy shit..what a mess...I had the giant husks so I made tamales the size of an ear of corn. Then I check the recipe again and oh by the way...they have to steam for 2 fucking hours...it's now after midnight.
To top it off, I don't have a pot deep enough for the gigantic fucking tamales so I have to rig up my 2 deepest pots with plates piled up high enough to keep the sonsabitching tamales out of the water so they can steam for 2 fucking hours.. I made 6 of them...4 hours work for 6 fucking tamales...The good news...? They were fantastic...really really good. So I will hunt around time and see if I can find a deep pot with a strainer so I can make some more..They are almost worth it. If anyone would like to have some tamales, I can give you the phone number of a nice Mexican lady that goes around the bars at closing time selling her tamales for $6 a dozen..they're really good...not as great as mine and aren't the size of an ear of corn...but they'll do ..
Well, I am going to try and work that bacon cheeseburger off by doing a load of laundry..yeah, like that will work. oh..the score? 31-24....

12 comments:

Ted Amadeus said...

That "You suck!" picture is a fkn RIOT!!!
*ROFPMPLMMFAO!*

heartinhand said...

Ahhhh if we could only get Dexter to use his powers for good instead of evil...

I was sitting in a sunbeam today with my eyes closed (it was -25C out there) and when I opened them, there was a cat ass in my face too. Nice. Thank god there were no dingleberries.

jan said...

[sign] the 49ers lost too. And we had that great winning streak of one going.

Dexter sounds like a perfect match for you.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Your tamales story made me laugh! But at least you got a good meal out of it.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

TED:that picture of that kid has been around for years..but it worked.
heart:i think dex made a deal with the God of he underworld...no goodness is sight for him.
ass in the face...not pleasant.
jan:i had the worse week of the football season in picks..and the niners was one of the games i lost along with the cowboys..bastids.
yeah, I knew dex was for me when i saw him throw a arm lock around lulu's head and rip him off the couch.
debrah:yeah, funny today.not so funny at nearly 3am wehn I had to clean the kitchen...but oh my so good..

Nit Wit said...

I wonder if you would still love Dexter if he turned out to be a Philly's fan?

Every time I go to do some laundry my daughter has a load sitting in it waiting for the dryer. I'm still staying steady at about 200 lbs. even though I eat more than before I go sick. Takes a lot of food to grow a new belly.

John said...

Yes that lose sucked. I also hate the Giants.

sageweb said...

Dexter sounds like a handful...I love the different personalities animals have.

The Tamales sound good...a think a big tamale would be good..around here they are so small..and a tiny bit of meat.

Big Pissy said...

Dexter DOES sound like a handful.

But i know you love every minute of it.

billy pilgrim said...

yeah, those fuckin cardinals beat my vikings. i'm pissed too.

Intense Guy said...

Did Dex have a tamale?

Does Dex root for the 'boys?

angel said...

Dexter sounds like a complete frootloop! LUVVIT!