Tuesday, June 07, 2005
9 REASONS WHY I QUIT DRINKING AND ONE TO SHOW IT WASN'T ALL BOOZE
1. One time I walked into my local hangout, a tad drunk and saw an old boyfriend who had shaved his beard off since I had last seen him...Did a double take and said:" Now i know what my pussy would look like if I shaved it"...
2.On my first night off in months I was sitting at a bar a tad drunk and this guy kept telling me how great sex would be with him as he was great at oral sex..this continued for a while and then I left and went to another bar...walked in and said:"Anyone who wants to get lucky tonight please dont talk about how good you are at eating pussy..show me"
3. Went to court for my 2nd devorice..a tad drunk and was sent home 3 times to change clothes into something more suitable for a court room..when i came back the 4th time i had on a micro-mini skirt, a see-thru blouse, boots and bells everywhere...i said:"If it was good enough for the sonofabitch i married, it should be good enough for you"..
4siting at my local bar, a tad drunk and tried to explain to my good friend Larry''s wife, that I just didnt understand why he messed around on her so much as i thought she was a pretty cool person."
5Was at my place of employment and waited till my friend Larry was having sex in the backseat of his car in the back parking lot, with some chippy he had picked up, and yelled out the window...:"Hey, Larry, your wife''s on the phone"...I was a tad drunk.
6After my 3rd and last husband came home from being gone for 2 weeks gambling and drinking, I waited til he was finally getting some sleep on our waterbed and I took all of my clothes off, put on my sons scuba gear, goggles fins and all, jumped on the water bed, screamed at the top of my lungs...:"surf''s up asshole"
was a tad drunk.
7Walked into my local watering hole, a tad drunk and saw my friend and his girlfriend and told her not to be mad at him because we had sex the week before as it was just a mercy fuck..
98Started drinking in Santa Ana and ended up in San Diego with a tattoo of an 8 ball on my left tit...
9.Celebrated my 40th birthday but kicking the crap out of some seniors at Baylor University because they cut me off in traffic..
and the one that will show that maybe it wasent always the booze that made me do those wild and wooly things, it might just be me...
When they started bombing Iraq and the reporters called it was called "shock and awe"..i jumped up ....grabbed my crotch and said I got your shock and awe george bush you fucking asshole....