I'm a liberal pagan living in West,Texas..yes that West,Texas

Friday, June 10, 2005

THE SHIT PEOPLE BUY


Once in awhile i receive those crappy magazines in the mail..you know the ones..that try and sell you shit that is of no value but you feel you have to have. LIke the slimming shapers...it squeezes your ass from the size of a couple of hams down to the size of a punkin...but if you sneeze in it you will rupture something inside of you..only $16.95.How about a sonic molechaser for $13.99, its safe and effective and not nearly as loud as a stick of dynamite...This one i consider to be the most useless piece of crap that has come down the pike...a dress-a-vac..They are dolls fashioned into vacuum cleaner covers..so your vacuum wont look like "horror"...a vacuum cleaner but a mutant looking bunny, bear or a cat...for only $14.99, give me two of them suckers...put one on my dog...so he can look like a cat.
Something called gorilla glue for$9.99. What ever happened to elmer''s?
Plus they always have those mumu looking gowns for women to wear around the house..Ok, now would i rather look like some abdul looking pup tent or wear my shorts and cowboy tshirts...but they are only $19.99
One of my favorites is the vibrating massagers that look like a huge dick and the girl in the magazine is rubbing it on her neck...yeah, right..Plus, its cordless, for your convenience nad only $3.99 for a 7-inch bundle of joy...now that I might consider...does it come with batteries??
Oh, my I have just come across the erotic, passionate and romantic section of this little magazine..There are erecxel''s, the safe simple way to enjoy sex again.Basicly it is a cock ring...set of two...for $9.00 and it is award-winning drug free nono-prescription aid for improving erectionsize rididity and duration..(soonerfan78....i can give you the name of the magazine if you like. Im fond of the cuddly cat pillow..its a neck pillow that looks like a cat..so you can sit in front of the tv for $12.95 with a dead cat hanging around your neck....
There are some men''s poplin driving caps avalilable in 3 great colors...for $5.99. In Texas we call them cocksucker caps..
There is something called a clam shucker for $14.99 that I think i can live without..being in the center of Texas and not a clam in sight...well, maybe some beared clams but I think most Texan''s know how to get those little suckers open...I finally found something in here for me to buy...It''s called sta-tight... a safe alternative to botox..supposed to tighten things up...so going to use it for a douche and see if I can get some action....

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